October 23, 2013

Would You Read It Wednesday #110 - Broccolilocks (PB)


Do you ever get ideas but have no idea how to make them a reality?

I am full of ideas... but when it comes to execution I lack many skills :)  Drawing, for example.  Doing anything at all with photoshop, for another.  Also, there are those who would say that dancing is not my forte (although I do it with a great deal of enthusiasm :))

So imagine my delight at having children who are just SO much more competent than I am!

As a result, I am finally going to have something I've been desperate for for about 7 years.

Bookplates!

My own beautiful bookplates!  (They are so pretty!  Wait until you see!)

They are designed, and I ordered one sheet so I can see how they look.  (Just in case there are any problems with the printing, I don't want ten million not-quite-right ones :))

Due to the fact that the one sheet cost $3.99 and the cheapest possible shipping I could get was $5.04, I chose the cheapest possible shipping and now have to wait 14 days.

But what's 14 days after the approximately 7 years I've already waited?

As soon as I have them, I'll show you!

And then the really fun thing is that if you want a signed copy of one of my books but you live in Kamchatka or somewhere that is not right around the corner from me, you can simply purchase the book from your favorite bookseller, email me with who/how you want the book signed, and I can mail you a book plate just how you want it and you can stick it right in!

Voila!  An idea has become reality!

That is just so exciting that I think we need a snack!  I have a total craving for apple cider donuts, so

... help yourselves!  (I realize these are not technically Something Chocolate, but it's only cider donut time for a short portion of each year and they really are best fresh :))

Now then.  Are you ready for today's pitch?

It comes to us from Julie who has visited us twice before (WYRI #68 Eddie Brick Visits The Aunts and WYRI #75 Just Call Me The Kid.)  A scribbler of children's stories in between chores, Julie Rowan-Zoch has visited three continents, attempted to learn 4 languages, and has a 2-3-3-3-3 phalangeal formula in both of her hands and feet. (Though not yet able to get a good grip with her toes, she has been drawing with her hands since she exchanged a banana for a crayon.)  Please come visit her on her blog and view her beautiful artwork!  (Really, it's amazing!  You're in for a treat so go see it!)

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Broccolilocks
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-6)
The Pitch: CRUNCH! Broccolilocks has a GIANT appetite for her prized vegetable. MUNCH! But a mysterious stink leads her nose down the garden rows to find that something has been munching on her broccoli! 

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Julie improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in January so you've got a little time to polish up your pitches and send yours for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Julie is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to when my bookplates arrive!  Did I mention that I have 5 different ones?  So awesome! :)  I can't wait to show them to you!

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!

Reactions:

106 comments:

  1. I too, have been meaning to make book plates for years... Can't wait to see yours!
    Now would you please explain Julie's strange phalanges?

    Of course I would read Broccolilocks! I love the title! It's not clear to me who is making the crunching sounds Broccolilocks or the stinky critter (skunk?) But I do love the sounds! Maybe she could just clarify that a bit. Also, I would take out the "But" after "Munch." And then i'd add a final short sentence giving a hint to the plot. And, assuming this story is based on Goldilocks and the three bears, it might be fun and effective to add something like: "Who's been munching on my broccoli?" Hope this helps! I can't wait to read the story!

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  2. Apple cider donuts. Now that is interesting. And I've wondered what book plates are for so that is something for me to check out.


    Yes, I would read today's pitched story. I am a little curious of the stakes for the PB but the way it is, with a little tweaking advised from the ever-wonderful Iza, really piques my interest.

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  3. Congrats on your bookplates! Very cool! Mmm, those donuts look delicious!
    And Julie, yes, I'd read your book. Love the title! I like the pitch so far, but maybe u could add a little more to it to show what Broccolilocks is going to do about her problem.

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  4. You basically said everything I was planning, Tina! Looking forward to seeing the bookplates, Susanna. Julie, I was going to suggest adding one more sentence to show how the story/Broccolilocs evolves. Good luck!

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  5. I've been looking into bookplates, Susanna. Where did you order them from?


    Yes, I would read this story! The title itself is intriguing and I love fractured fairy tales...very clever!

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  6. Can't wait to see your bookplates, Susanna. I ought to show my book trailer soon it's really tongue in cheek ha ha ha haaa!
    I've read this cute story and this is a great pitch for it, Julie. I wonder if you need to hint at what happens next though without a rhetorical ?

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  7. I would read Broccolilocks, but I would suggest changing the title. I expected a story about someone who had vegetable hair.

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  8. Yay for bookplates.


    Julie: AWESOME voice in your pitch. It's a yes from me, with the same advice as the others to add one more sentence. I also found the name hard to say, and am not sure how easy this would be for a read-aloud?

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  9. Yes, a cute and catchy pitch!
    Looking forward to seeing your bookplate. Exciting! And thanks so much for the apple cider donuts, because I've really been trying to eat more fruits and veggies! :)

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  10. The bookplates sound like a very smart idea, Susanna. I hope they're FAB when you receive them!


    Sure, I'd read it, Julie, and agree with Tina and Pam on improving it just a bit.

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  11. Congratulations on your bookplates! I covet them too!! I have to give the pitch a maybe because I felt the title set us up for a story about a girl who has or ends up with broccoli for hair. The pitch, however, seems more about a girl who solves a mystery. I THINK it's a twist on Goldilocks where something is eating the broccoli instead of porridge, but I need a little more clarity. I can already see your amazing illustrations for this story though!!! Keep at it!

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  12. Thanks, Iza. Already revising, and your ideas are giving me ideas that I want to add to the illustrations!

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  13. I like hearing the same advice - makes my decision easy when all agree!

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  14. Thanks, Kirsti. Writing one is fun - esp. when there are so many good ones to 'research'!

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  15. Thanks, Catherine. But did you mean through - or without?

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  16. Glad you mention the hair - it does play a role!

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  17. Thanks. Now you have me wondering how you would pronounce it, Joanna.

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  18. Susanna - looking forward to seeing your BP design. I made them for Xmas presents one year - maybe I need to make one for myself!

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  19. Morning Susanna! Those donuts would go great with my coffee! I would definitely read BROCCOLILOCKS. I have a three-year old granddaughter who loves broccoli, it's not her favorite vegetable, it's her favorite food! I can just imagine her with broccoli locks and a little basket over her arm. I think the MUNCH and CRUNCH really add to the flavor of the pitch.

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  20. I read an early draft of this super-cute story and would read it again! I really like the poetry of the pitch, but think it needs one more sentence to give us another hint of the plot. I ditto what Iza said, basically.


    Nice work, Julie!


    And Susanna, yay for bookplates!

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  21. I Iike the mystery of what's happened to the broccoli and love the crunchy language! The one thing I wonder is whether this story has some hidden message about eating your veggies, which would make think twice about it. But I do like the twist on Goldilocks.

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  22. Now I want a donut too!
    I would read the story, but I do think the pitch needs to give a better clue about Broccolilocks. At first I thought she might be a giant, then I thought she might be just an oridinary child, so I am not certain how to picture her. I like the "CRUNCH and the MUNCH".

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  23. I love the humor in this pitch and also the mystery. Hmmm. Do skunks also love broccoli? I will just have to read this one to find out. Great pitch!

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  24. Haha! It was my son's too! Thanks, Juliana.

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  25. You're safe on the didactics, Andrea!

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  26. Thanks for your great suggestions for Julie, Iza! And I will show you my bookplates in person when I get them, and I know how you can get some of your own :)

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  27. Yes! I would love to read it because I love all things broccoli. I did have a lot of questions though. Is the prized vegetable broccoli? If so, why does she have to go away from it to find the broccoli-eater? I think I just had a hard time visualizing what was going on. I loved the conciseness, but maybe a more robust setting/character set up? So I can see what's going on?

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  28. I like the sharing of what the pitch conjures up in everyone's minds! And I'll be sure to add another sentence. Thanks, Wendi.

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  29. Thanks for your comments for Julie, Angela! And WHAT? Have you never had a cider donut? You are totally missing out and I insist you go find yourself one immediately! :) As for book plates, they are simply stickers of whatever shape you like (rectangular, oval, what have you) that you can inscribe and then stick on the inside cover of a book. Pretty basic. Therefore pretty pathetic that it's taken me this long to get some organized :)

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  30. Thanks for your very helpful comments for Julie, Tina! You may have extra donuts :) Can't wait to show off the book plates :)

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  31. Thanks for your thoughts for Julie, Pam, and I can't wait to show you the bookplates... 14 days....!

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  32. Thanks for sharing your thoughts for Julie, Kirsti! And I ordered the bookplates from Vista Print. I haven't found a site that had exactly what I want... partly why it's taken me all this time...! But Vista Print has 3x4 stickers that allow you to upload your own design. My clever daughter was able to design what I wanted on photoshop and we just uploaded it onto the sticker template. They're quite simple, because you need room to sign. But the design looked great to me :)


























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  33. Thanks for your thoughtful suggestions for Julie, Catherine! And what book trailer??? I want to see it!!!



























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  34. I've seen an accompanying illustration, Mike, and I think she does have broccoli hair! :) But maybe I'm wrong... I'm sure Julie will clear that up for us :)



























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  35. Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Julie, Joanna! And I hope the bookplates will turn out as well as I hope they will! :) I'm can't wait to have a moment to read the next installment of your teen travels! :)

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  36. Thanks for your vote of confidence for Julie, Coleen! And as for the donuts, you know, I care about you guys! Your health is important to me. So if I can in some small way help you get your fruits and veggies, then I feel like I've done a good thing :) :)

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  37. Thanks for your thoughts for Julie, Donna, and for sharing this post out in the world every week - you're so nice about that! - and for the good wishes for my book plates! Golly. 14 more days!!!

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  38. Thanks so much for stopping by to help Julie, Julie! :) I am very much looking forward to getting my, er, my granddaughters', signed copy of TROOP, with or without a bookplate :)

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  39. It's probably just my weird British pronunciation! :-)

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  40. It's my pleasure, Susanna. :0)

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  41. Yes you should! And you are an artist, so yours will be beautiful! :)

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  42. Morning Juliana! Please help yourself to as many donuts as you like to go with your coffee! :) Thanks so much for chiming in for Julie!

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  43. I am about to get a chance to read this story and can't wait! Thanks for your comments for Julie, Renee, and yes! Yay for book plates! :)

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  44. Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments for Julie, Andrea!




























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  45. Thanks for your helpful thoughts for Julie, Wendi! And by all means, help yourself to as many donuts as you like - we're among friends - no judgment :)



























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  46. I am wondering that too, Rosi! Thanks for chiming in for Julie :)

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  47. Thanks for sharing your insight, Wendy, I'm sure Julie will find it helpful!

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  48. Yes I would read it! Julie, I'd love a little more drama and tension in this pitch. Is the skunk eating ALL of it? Is it a matter of survival for Broccolilocks? Is she entered in the big broccoli contest and now is not the time for a pest?

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  49. Bookplates! Congrats! Still dragging my feet on new business cards. (No author photo. NO AUTHOR PHOTO!)
    Your pitch definitely has me curious, Julie. It's very funny and catchy, like a logline should be. But I too would like some clarity, esp. now you've told us veggie hair plays a role.
    Veggie hair. Yes!

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  50. I actually love this pitch and might take the book home without looking through it first. It sounds like it's going to be hilarious and cute!


    I have never had a cider doughnut... :(

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  51. Is Broccolilocks a bunny? It sounds like she's eating right out of the garden, like a bunny. This seems like a cute, age appropriate mystery, so yes, I would read it. I would love to know more, though, so I think the pitch needs to be fleshed out some.

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  52. Hardly needed to read the pitch. I would buy the book just on the title! Brilliant mental picture.

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  53. Yay! Glad you're book plates are on the way to becoming a reality.


    And, yes, please . . . I'll have an Apple Cider Donut. My fave!

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  54. Yes I would read it. Sounds like great fun!

    Looking forward to seeing your book plates, Susanna. I've never had an apple cider donut but you have me curious now!

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  55. Glad to help Julie. I love your illustrations and look forward to reading your stories too!

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  56. But neither you or Julie answered my phalanges question. I am intrigued!

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  57. This_Kid_Reviews_Books_ErikOctober 23, 2013 at 7:59 PM

    Sounds good to me! I think this is great! I like the CRUNCH! and the MUNCH! sounds! :) And, YAY on the bookplates!

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  58. I don't know the answer, Iza! I just write what people tell me in their bios. I was waiting for Julie to answer :)

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  59. Thanks so much for your comments for Ms. Ro-Zo, Erik! And I hope you'll like the book plates when I get them :)

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  60. Thanks for chiming in for Julie, Cally! And what??? Never had a cider donut? Oh, my. You poor underprivileged dear! They are only the best donuts ever made! Hope you and your little munchkin are doing well :)

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  61. I know it! Aren't they the best? If you can think of a way to describe them, please do so for Cally above. I was at a loss for words :)



























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  62. I'm sure you've made Julie's day! :) Thanks for chiming in, Steve!




























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  63. Thanks for your helpful thoughts for Julie, Genevieve! I thought Broccolilocks was a girl... but Julie will know for sure :) I'm sure she'll answer when she's back from her hike!



























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  64. Thanks so much for your enthusiasm for Julie, Beverly! And what??? You've never had a cider donut either? You're like the third person! So sad :( You must not live in the northeast - you can't go two feet without hitting a cider donut this time of year :)

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  65. Thanks so much for your comments for Julie, Stacy. And OMG business cards!!! You just reminded me that I've about run out! How could I let my daughter return to college without addressing that issue? Guess what we're doing at Thanksgiving... :)

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  66. Thanks for your thought-provoking questions for Julie, Lauri! I'm sure she'll find them helpful!

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  67. Oh my gosh...just LOVE the title...and the story concept...and the pitch...and the sound words...and...everything! Julie, I would definitely read this story...NOW! :)
    Susanna, I appreciate the cider doughnuts...one of my favorite times of year...love apples and anything made with them.:) The bookplates sound terrific...can't wait to see them. And I have to get busy writing...there is a contest looming in the not too distant future, right? :)

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  68. I'm a yes by the title alone. I wasn't able to read through all your comments and clues you sprinkled in the comments about the story. I think it may need another line or phrase to make it clear. I was confused about the main character - giant, animal? Good luck. Susanna, congrats on the book plates. ... you get them just when you go digital! :)

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  69. Thanks, Wendi. Great questions for me!

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  70. More great questions, Lauri. These make me understand what I need to reveal a lot better. Thank you.

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  71. Thanks for your kind words, Beverly! Glad to see fans of funny here too!

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  72. Some of the questions here are making me laugh, but showing me what I need to show! Thanks, Genevieve.

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  73. Thanks for the encouragement, I'll be sending your email to my husband so he can sell you a car, Steve. Porsche, Audi or VW?

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  74. Thanks, Cally. Great name, by the way!

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  75. Thanks, Erik! Are you a fan of crudités too? (just go look it up!)

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  76. Love your enthusiasm, as always! Good luck with your contest piece, Vivian!

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  77. Thanks, Stacy. Love that there is an overall concensus about that extra sentence, but everyone's confusion makes it clear to me what I need to add.

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  78. I would read it Julie--who wouldn't be curious about the mysterious stink?!

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  79. I would read it based on the title too. If do think that the pitch is ambiguous and would really like some clarity or some more of a plot clue. Is the broccoli muncher she finds a friend or an enemy? It's unclear is Broccolilocks is human or not, I agree that it sounds like she has broccoli hair! I really love anything that promotes healthy eating habits with children, and this really makes broccoli so much fun! Can't wait to read it, great work!

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  80. This_Kid_Reviews_Books_ErikOctober 24, 2013 at 7:06 AM

    Well, I had to look it up. They look tasty. I want some. I like veggies. :D

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  81. Hurray on your bookplates!

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  82. Thanks, Lyla (another pretty name!), these comments are really helpful. And yes she has broccoli-styled hair!

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  83. I don't know who might come back to look in the comments - but I REALLY appreciate all the help with the missing elements in the pitch! So grateful for the opportunity, Susanna, and the amazing participation from your readers!

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  84. Sorry, Iza! It's the pattern of bones in your hands or feet - we all have them, well, at least most of us!

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  85. Thanks for your thoughtful comments for Julie, Lyla! :)

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  86. So true, Deborah... and yet, I've had quite enough stink in my house of late due to similar cause... :)

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  87. You're entirely welcome, Julie! Thank you for submitting your delightful pitch! And thanks to all our readers for providing such thoughtful feedback - we couldn't do it without you! :)

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  88. Thanks for your comments for Julie, Stacy! And yes, good point about the digital - I hadn't even thought of that :) - but hopefully I'll still have a few actual books around for a while that I can use the plates on :)

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  89. Thanks for your encouragement for Julie, Vivian! And help yourself to donuts - they're free :) I've got to get busy writing too - I must provide a sample, and I can't ask you guys to do anything I don't do myself! - but so far I have three bad beginnings, no middles and no ends! And Parent/Teacher conferences tomorrow... and grandbaby visiting this weekend... I'm hoping for a very useful dream tonight! :)

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  90. We had a mysterious stink years ago--a bird had flown in and wedged itself under the waterbed and died. We couldn't find it for a couple days, but phew!! I'm sure your story's stink is more pleasant. ;-)

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  91. Ah, so it's nothing unusual...Phew!

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  92. Me! I came to read the comments...but I didn't come back...it's just that I took a while getting here for my first visit. I've been saving this in my email.

    Love the title!!! Really cute. I agree that we need a little more clarity. Sounds like you know what direction you need to go to make it pitch perfect :-)



    Can't wait to see your bookplates, Susanna! Exciting!

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  93. You were so sweet to save the email and come back to help Julie, Penny! :) And I can't wait to show you the bookplates. I hope everyone else will like them as much as I do!

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  94. Hahaha! That happened to us in a house we stayed in in France when i was 7... only it was a dead water rat under the dishwasher!

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