May 30, 2011

Bear Saga II - This Time It's Personal!

(First, if you haven't had a chance to check out the tension blogfest, check here for my entry and links to all the other really good ones!)


I have a bone to pick with our bear.

Remember how the he made off with our bird feeder?
(in the interest of full disclosure, this is not actually our bear -
he is far too sneaky to be seen stealing the feeder and too cagey to allow photographic evidence!)
Well, there's more...

See, it's been so wet that we left our garage open to air.  In the space of about 5 minutes, a pair of birds decided to set up housekeeping.  They built a nest in the garage rafters and laid some eggs.
Ergo, we could not close the garage - not unless we wanted an international reputation as baby bird murderers... which we certainly did not!

But we keep our trash in the garage until Saturday.  Usually it's safe from the bear because the garage is closed.  But, baby birds and whatnot (see above.)  So we closed the trash can lid tight, fastened it across the top with two (count them, 2!) sturdy black rubber bungee cords, and figured all would be well.

All was not.

The bear came in the night, removed the bungee cords and the trash can lid with ease, dragged both bags up the hill across from the mud room, and proceeded to go through every morsel of trash, strewing it through the woods for about an acre....

Which I then had to go pick up in the morning....

Not my top choice of activity pre- 6 AM and pre-coffee!

(P.S. Bears apparently love chocolate and will lick out the insides of candy wrappers... even tiny ones like the foil around easter eggs... and leave them in soggy little chewed-up pieces all over the place... ick.  They also think they like orange peels, but change their minds once they start chewing.  You have not known joy until you get to pick up orange peels that have been chewed by a bear and then spit back out!)

Suffice to say, I was not happy with the bear.  But it was kind of my fault for leaving trash in the garage with the door open.  And I get nature.  So I would have been willing to forgive.

Until last night.

10 PM.  Dark.  Quiet.

Suddenly, a small noise.  It could have been a squirrel or a deer.

I ignored it.

But the dogs did not.

They had been flat out asleep on the floor after their hectic, grueling day (you know the difficult kind of life they lead :)) but at the first hint of that noise, both heads went up, all four ears pricked attentively, and Scout growled, low in her throat, the universal dog Warning Growl.

(Given that the dogs consider themselves off duty from 8 PM to 5:30 AM and generally sleep with great devotion and no noise, if they react to something during those hours, it's usually for real.)

A moment later, the sound of screeching metal had the dogs on their feet and charging down the stairs, barking their ferocious little heads off.

Hmm... screeching metal.  I assumed the bear was in the garage again, messing with the trash can, and I felt very smug.  Being the quick learner that I am, I had stopped putting the trash in the garage.  Instead, it was safely stinking up the mud room.  Take that, bear!  No trash pick-up for me in the morning!

Except it turns out, that's not what he was doing.

Look what he did!

Bad bear!

Naughty bear!

Now I am personally affronted.  Hurt, even.

This time, it's personal!

Helping himself to take-away breakfast is one thing.  Breaking and entering my house is quite another.

That bear and I are going to have to have a serious talk!

Actually, I think this calls for drastic measures.  I'm going over his head.  I will be writing a letter to his mother to tell her exactly what I think of her parenting skills - teach him some manners please! - and recommend she take him to a therapist to discuss his boundary issues!

I mean REALLY!

Please feel free to write sample letters - because how do you reason with a bear? - and/or share you own stories of wild animal invasion :)

Meanwhile, looks like we're going to have to keep our trash in the basement...!


  1. *SHUDDER* I would call animal control. Would the bear hurt anyone if he came across someone while thriving and vandalizing? :(

    Can Alex save Winter from the darkness that hunts her?
    YA Paranormal Romance, Darkspell coming fall of 2011!

  2. What a story! I think you need to write a book about this....maybe a whole book of letters to the bear! And I thought I had a tiny problem with a very cute rabbit that's been nibbling on my garden!

  3. Elizabeth - we live on (a very small patch of) 900 acres of forest. The bears are around every year and people know it. We try to be careful of our bird feeders and trash because for about 6 weeks when they wake up they are a bit pesky. But once mid-June rolls around we usually don't see them much. I don't think they'd hurt anyone as long as they didn't feel cornered. But I object to having one try to get into my house. I confess, that makes me a little nervous!
    Andrea - what a great idea! Letters To Mother Bear! It's your idea, though, so maybe you should write it :) And rabbits may be smaller, but they can be pesky, too if you're trying to grow a garden!

  4. Crazy! We've had one on our porch and the same guy took out a neighbor's bird feeder and then walked into the garage (garage door was up). Thank goodness she picked up the phone when we called her--I can't imagine what might have happened if she walked out to start her car and met up with a hungry furry friend going through her garbage.

    Coming into your home is just scary, though. Maybe if you put a pot of honey (or "Hunny" as Winnie-the-Pooh calls it) outside as an offering, he'd leave you alone. Or just get a megaphone and growl at him to see what he does :)

  5. Yike! Good thing you had the dogs to warn you! Maybe if you drilled a 2-inch hole in your garage wall (under the eave, so no weather gets in), the birds could come + go, and you could keep the trash in the garage again.

  6. Wow you must look too much like Goldilocks Susannah :) That is quite a story. Now we know where you get your inspiration. When I came back once and the dog had emptied the kitchen bin right across the house I thought that was bad enough. There must be a story in all that somewhere.

  7. Okay, I'd be freaked out by the bear and the door screen. I'm scared of bears. Ain't no bears in Cambridge!

    I think there's a story here too.

  8. The door would unnerve me. Time to place out a goodie or two far from the door to perhaps draw him away from your door. Ouch. Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting on my tension entry. Roland

  9. Yowsa! No thanks. New children's book about a bear and a chocolate bar???

  10. Wow.

    I'd be freaked out by a bear home invasion...these things aren't small, and can get nasty.

    Two things: make a small hole high up, so the the birds can come and go, and you can leave the trash in the locked garage. Take good care if outside the home alone at night :)

  11. Oh wow! Now that is something! You're becoming a wildlife sanctuary. LOL! :O)

  12. Jess - Hunny is a great idea :)
    Shan and Damyanti - I guess I need to find a drill!
    Catherine - Goldilocks - hahaha - very funny!
    Andrea, Theresa and Thumber - I guess I'd better try to think up a story!
    Roland - thanks for stopping by in return :)
    Madeleine - just wait 'til you see the size of the snapping turtle I saw laying eggs this morning!

  13. Wow! We don't get bears in the UK, which I was always quite sad about... now I am starting to be thankful - the worst we have to deal with are rogue foxes and the occasionally feisty squirrel :)

    Makes me think of a story where the three bears visit Goldilocks following on from her original visit... I also love the idea of a book of letters to Mother Bear about her pesky cub!

  14. Susanna, your related posts widget led me to this post. So funny! So entertaining. Such a determined bear! I love bears and I love this post. Now I'll have to come back for Part I of the story.... Thanks for the extra smiles today!


I love to hear from you and try to respond to every comment. Please share your thoughts!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...