May 23, 2011

Advice For The Fashion-Challenged

(Disclaimer: if you think you're going to GET fashion advice you've come to the wrong place!)

Now, then.

One of the many perks of being a writer is that there is no dress code.

I can wear blue jeans (my outfit of choice) every single day and no one cares because no one sees me.  For that matter, I could wear this

or this

and no one would even know!

(And I think I would look quite fetching.)

But on occasion it is necessary to go out in public, and that is where I run into trouble.  Apparently blue jeans are not considered appropriate attire for graduations and weddings (who knew?), and I must attend several in the coming month.  As I am absolutely hopeless when it comes to fashion and have the figure of a dumpling, I am faced with quite the challenge.

What to do?

Being resourceful, (but not in the sense of having financial resources or I would hire a personal shopper... or possibly a model to go in my place...) I decided to consult Google: "How to dress for your shape."

Right away, I ran into problems.  Hourglass, rectangle, diamond, apple....  Hmm....  no dumpling.  What's with that?  My second shape choice, garden gnome, doesn't show up either...  I don't look exactly like any of the choices they offer.

Figures.  (I'm such a punster....)

Oh, well.  Picking one that seemed somewhat close, I looked at the clothing suggestions.

A line? Wedge heels?
Balance? Elongate the torso?

Wrap tops?  Belted jackets?  Are they serious?

There is absolutely no hope.

So I will be going to both graduations and the wedding in this:

Maybe I'll wear it to Book Expo tomorrow too.....

(Feel free to share your fashion advice.  I can use all the help I can get :))


  1. As a girl who exists in t-shirts and capris or cargo pants, I feel your pain. Here's what I do: Go to Target. Find something cute that fits. Wear it as many places as possible.

    The only "fashion" tip that I have is that if you're short, under no circumstances should you wear a long dress. That sort of thing makes short women look shorter. If you can get something that hits around your knees, you're golden.

  2. I gotta be comfy. And right now I need to lose few pounds, so can anyone say, "How can I dress in the baggiest clothes around? Oh, and stretchy elastic waist bands sound, oh so charming right now." :-)

    I have a feeling you'll look awesomely beautiful at the graduation ceremonies and the wedding. Someone might mistake you for the bride. *wink*

  3. Su - see, now I have actually learned something. I AM short, but no one ever told me long skirts exaggerate that. Thank you!

    Robyn - As it happens, the bride and I are both short with blond hair if about the same length, so I will eschew wearing anything long and white just in case we are mistaken :) Elastic-waisted pants, eh? That sounds like the height of good fashion :)

  4. That's hilarious! The first outfit that springs to mind my french auntie wore at my wedding. It was a nice beige colour not a dull beige and the skirt was knee length ish with lots of fine layers to it in a very thin fabric that didn't cling, so stylish. I'm sure you'll look lovely.

  5. Catherine you are too kind - REALLY! - and I am not sure I will look lovely, but luckily none of the events are about me, so hopefully no one will be looking too closely :) Although there are bound to be photos for posterity.... Oy!

  6. You crack me up! I've been having the same problem lately. In fact a few weeks ago a "dress-up" occasion was sprung on me just four hours from the start time! I ran to Target. I'm with Su. : )

  7. That's actually cute and witty, maybe not for a wedding but could you swing it for a graduation?

  8. Megan - see, I'm learning all kinds of things about shopping this week (can you tell I'm not a shopper?) I've been told that if you are a proper shopper (look at me, making poetry) you go to stores all the time and just browse. If you find something you like, you snap it up, and then when an occasion rolls around you're ready. Alas, I leave it until the last minute, panic, and end up buying something hopelessly unsuitable that I hate and will never wear again :)

    Sharyn - I think I'm going to wear it all the time :)

  9. I have no fashion advice to give, I just wanted to say - LOL ha ha ha ha ha! Thanks for making me laugh this morning. Hope you're enjoying BEA and getting lots of ARCs and lots of interest in your books. How's your signing hand?

  10. My signing hand isn't even tired! I could have signed another hundred :)


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