January 22, 2014

Would You Read It Wednesday #118 - Gwynivere The Ear Finds Her Nose (PB)

Yee-haw!  It's Wednesday!

Time to ride out on the open range and rope ourselves some steers!

On second thought, it's 9 below zero by the thermometer this morning!! (just about the coldest it's ever been here) - and goodness knows how cold with the windchill!!  Definitely too cold to take the cow ponies out of the barn.  Also, I don't know how to rope steers.

Let's have Something Chocolate and play Would You Read It instead :)

I vote for molten chocolate cake since it's so cold :)

Stonewall Kitchen Recipe HERE
(I hope all you health nuts will note that I put a raspberry on it so it counts as a healthy breakfast :))

Today's pitch comes to us from Kirsten who is an aspiring author, a reading teacher, a mom of three, and a lover of all things sweet! You can find her on FB at https://www.facebook.com/kirsten.bock

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Gwynivere The Ear Finds Her Nose
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 5-7)
The Pitch: Gwynivere the Ear, self-proclaimed superhero, can hear citizens in distress from miles away.  Unfortunately, chaos seems to follow Gwynivere closely; almost as closely as her arch nemesis, Nosy Rosy.  And, as much as Gwynivere proclaims that “superheroes don’t need help,” she will soon discover that everyone can use a helping hand (or nose) once in awhile.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Kirsten improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in March so you've got a little time to polish up your pitches and send yours for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Kirsten is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to riding the open range and roping some steers when we get out of double negative digits!

And before we go, I want to sincerely thank everyone who donated to Scott's campaign on Monday, or who purchased books from his store, or who still might be thinking of doing one or the other.  It means so much to me and to him, and I really can't thank you enough!  (And in case you missed it, you can read about it HERE.)

Have a wonderful Wednesday, everyone!  Happy reading, writing, teaching, parenting, steer roping, or whatever is on your agenda for today!


Reactions:

76 comments:

  1. Susanna, I love chocolate lava cake. How thoughtful of you on this cold day! As for the pitch, it sounds like a great theme with superheroes, and I love that it's got female main characters! I wasn't thrilled with the names, and I think that detracted a bit from the pitch, but that could just be me. Along the same line, I wasn't sure the title was as strong as it could be--I almost wonder if it gives the story away. Overall, however, it sounds cute, fun, and different! Good luck with it

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  2. I would possibly read this story. It has an interesting story line, but the title just doesn't thrill me.

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  3. I completely agree with Pam.

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  4. I almost didn't make it beyond that molten cake. Looks sooooooooooooooooooooo yummy.


    Ahem...


    I like the premise of today's WYRI. I do love a good superhero story. Others have commented on the names, which I can agree with. I'm not sure if I missed it but I'm not getting the whole gist. I'm sure getting some caffeine in me and a re-read may help. But two thumbs up for the superhero theme!

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  5. I agree with Aileen - the title makes it sound like a story about a face. But I think the pitch is quite good. From a selling standpoint, check out the growing number of easy reader/chapter book comic books. (Silly Lilly, Fly Guy...) This story may fit nicely there.

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  6. Michelle Heidenrich BarnesJanuary 22, 2014 at 8:33 AM

    Most definitely, yes, I would read this! The title grabbed my attention and I love the quirky take on a common "everyone needs a friend" theme. The only thing I would suggest is tightening up your pitch a bit. I think you've got more in your second and third sentences than you need, and I think it would hold more power if it were a bit more succinct. Good luck!

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  7. I'm with Pam on the lava cake! Made it once and should do it again. :)

    Anyway, the other ladies made great points about the pitch. I vote a solid maybe because it sounds like quirky fun. But I did have to read it twice to understand that the nose wasn't the enemy in the archenemy sense but just a bothersome peer. And I had similar concerns.

    I also think it needs just the right illustrator to be able to pull it off since a disembodied ear and nose can be kind of gruesome. :)

    Good luck and hope Kirsten gets more useful advice!

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  8. First let me say, 'MMmmmmm, that cake looks good!' and then I have to agree with most on here (re-think the title) and with Lauri Meyers regarding the easy reader/ chapter books may be a better fit. The names are off-putting and the nemesis isn't a real nemesis but the quirkiness of the plot and the girl mc would have me reading it. Maybe put the character's name in quotes 'Gwynivere the Ear' so it looks like a nickname but I my first thought was that it was a book about faces/facial parts. Plus let us know straight from the start. New detective, Gwynivere, aka 'Gwynivere the Ear', a super-hero in her own mind can hear citizens from miles away ...

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  9. I'd definitely read it, but agree with the others about the title. The pitch found me chuckling and thinking, I have a feeling this story is hysterical.

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  10. I'd read it. It sounds like a funny, intriguing story, but I agree that the title should be shorter so we know Gwynivere is a superhero! Superheros are awesome and kids love them!

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  11. Superheroes are fun, aren't they? Thanks so much for your comments for Kirsten, Kirsti! :)

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  12. Thanks so much for chiming in for Kirsten, Donna! :)

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  13. Thank you so much for your thoughtful response to Kirsten's pitch, Kim! And please - help yourself to as much cake as you want :)

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  14. Glad you approve, Erik! :) And thanks for your enthusiasm for Ms. Bock :)

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  15. The pitch made me chuckle. The tag "self-proclaimed" confused me. Is she a superhero who can hear things from miles away, or is this pretend? I would ax the words "seem to." I like the friendship hook in the last sentence, just not sure if there's a way to be more specific. What type of chaos needs a nose instead of an ear? I guess the fact that I'm wondering means I want to read!

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  16. Thanks for chiming in for Kirsten, Joanne! I'm sure she'll be thrilled with your enthusiastic response! :)

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  17. Thanks so much for your helpful thoughts for Kirsten, Teresa! And my policy on lava cake is, eat it, and let other people bake it :)

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  18. Thank you so much for your helpful suggestions for Kirsten, Michelle! :)

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  19. Interesting idea, Lauri! Thanks for sharing your thoughts for Kirsten :)

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  20. More cake, Angela - that's all you need :) Thanks so much for your two cents for Kirsten :)

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  21. Thanks for your thoughts, Aileen. I'm sure Kirsten will find them helpful :)

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  22. I would read it. A strong girl character learning from another strong girl character can't miss. Names wise - I thought Gwynivere the Ear was an actual ear, so I started out reading the pitch thinking, "Can I read a book about an ear-superhero? Ugh." So I'm glad she's not an animated ear collaborating with an animated nose. Whew!

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  23. Thank you so much for your thoughtful assessment of the pitch, Pam - I'm sure Kirsten will find it helpful. And I'm glad you approve of the choice of snack :) I'm still waiting for the thermometer to push above zero, so lava cake seemed perfect :)

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  24. Thanks for chiming in for Kirsten, Nicole! :)

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  25. Thanks so much for your thoughts for Kirsten, Wendy - very helpful! :)

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  26. An animated ear and nose would be a wacky new take on superheroes :)

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  27. OMG. I loved this pitch and would read the book instantly! Phenomenal all around. :)

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  28. Thanks, Wendy! I'm sure Kirsten will be thrilled to hear that! :)

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  29. I would absolutely read it and I like the title very much. It's a fun concept and I think kids would really like it. Nice job, Kirsten!

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  30. Thanks so much, Rosi! I'm sure Kirsten will be glad to hear it :)

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  31. Thanks for that raspberry, Susanna!

    The title for today's pitch sent my imagination on a spin! (I do wonder about the name's spelling - that made me look twice). It sounds like my kind of fun, but the pitch needs tightening - with more about the actual characters revealed. Are we dealing with body parts, kids or adult-sized heroes? Is 'self-proclaimed' relevant? Here is a stab:

    She can hear citizens in distress miles away, but chaos seems to follow superhero Gwynivere the Ear closely; almost as closely as her arch nemesis, Nosy Rosy. She will soon discover that everyone can use a helping hand, or nose, to sniff out the___(reveal something about what kind of trouble).


    Good luck, Kirsten!

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  32. Mike Allegra writerJanuary 22, 2014 at 1:09 PM

    This pitch is one of my faves. It tackles the familiar superhero tropes, but offers up a wacky new twist. Love it!

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  33. Thanks, Julie! That's extremely helpful.

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  34. Thank you, Rosi!

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  35. Hmmm, I didn't think about the fact that it sounds like an actual ear! I guess I'll have to be clearer about that.

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  36. Thanks for the help, Wendy!

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  37. Thanks, Kirsti! I'll work on that title!

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  38. Thanks, Donna! I'm glad that you found it funny!

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  39. Thanks for the help, Kim!

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  40. Thanks, Joanne!

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  41. Thanks, Teresa! I am going to have to make sure to clear up the ear/nose thing!

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  42. Thanks Michelle!

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  43. Thanks so much, Lauri!

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  44. Thanks, Angela!

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  45. Thanks, Aileen! Titles are so tricky!

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  46. What a fun pitch - got to say: I may be the only one here who does read this as a story about an ear - even after going back to it a couple more times - But I would read this anyway !! YAY!!

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  47. Thanks for the help, Pam!

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  48. Thanks for your helpful suggestions and thoughtful revision of Kirsten's pitch, Julie! And yes, I put that raspberry there just for you! :)

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  49. I'm sure Kirsten will be thrilled to hear that, Heather! Thanks for chiming in! :)

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  50. Yes! Girl hero who helps others yet recognizes her limitations to overcome the chaos in her life. Super-duper strength inside and out. Love her name! I would think an illustrator would have fun with this book.

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  51. Thanks so much for your two cents, Keila - I'm sure Kirsten will like them :)

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  52. Finally finished licking molten chocolate off my keyboard so I can comment: Yes, I'd read this pitch, but wonder if Kirsten could leave off the "ear" - just call her Gwynivere at first... maybe allude to others calling her "the Ear". I love that she will team up and discover that using two senses makes more sense.

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  53. Hahaha, Sue, very clever :) Thanks for pitching in. Now, go wash your keyboard! :)

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  54. I love it love it love it. I can't think of anything to improve. I can just imagine the illustrations. I hope that Kristen will post her first 250 on the 12x12, I want to read this, he he.

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  55. Yay! I'm sure she'll be happy with your reaction, Julie! :)

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  56. I absolutely love that pitch, story everything! And that chocolate cake. I need a fire glowing next to warm my -20 feet. Brrr...

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  57. Yes, I would definitely read it!

    I agree with Kristi, the title could be shorter.

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  58. Oh my! It's even colder where you are, Catherine! I could use a cozy fire too! :)

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  59. Thanks so much for chiming in, Heather! :)

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  60. Yes, I'd read this. It does sound very campy and I'd vote to go over the top and use an ear and a nose--the illustrations could be wild.
    I also thought the story was written in rhyming verse because of the rhyming names of the two main characters Gwynivere the Ear and Nosy Rosy. The rhyming could add to the groan/punny factors in the story. I think if that isn't the intent the names need to be changed.

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  61. Yes! I would read it. It sounds fun and unique. Lots of luck, Kirsten! :)

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  62. Thanks so much for chiming in, Elaine! :)

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  63. Thanks so much for your helpful thoughts for Kirsten, Joy! Very interesting points!

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  64. Love that nutritious raspberry, Susanna! I was a little creeped out to think of an ear as a character, but now I'm thinking that she's called "The Ear" as a nickname? Yes, I would read it, just to find out! Very well crafted pitch, Kirsten.

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  65. I'd read it. I like Wendy and Julie Ro-Zo's comments.I would drop self-proclaimed and seems to. I did a double take on the name - Gwynivere. guess I was thinking Gwenivere (Found this fun link from the urban dictionary ...http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=gwenivere). The characters are body parts, right? Not children having the super hero qualities of those parts? I just watched this video about a kickstarter project called the Story of My Face today. It's a book with parts of a face: https://www.mediabistro.com/galleycat/category/kickstarter. Good luck.

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  66. The raspberry is good, BUT, make it a strawberry and I'm sold. :)
    Hmmm, so the pitch. It definitely sounds like it could be cute and campy, and hilarious, but I wanted a few more specific details in the pitch. Right now the story feels a bit vague to me. What kind of chaos follows her? Name a specific event instead of the generality of it. What kind of problems does she overhear? Give a specific instead of the generality. What exactly goes wrong? And I'm wondering if you could make this less about the lesson learned, and more about the story? I don't think you need all that info in the pitch, but maybe that could help lead you in the right direction. Best of luck with your story! :)

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  67. I would, Janet, but Phyllis ATE all the strawberries! Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Kirsten! :)

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  68. Thanks so much for your thoughts, Stacy, and the links :)

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  69. Well, you know, I'm all about the nutrition, Deb :) (Snort, guffaw :)) Thanks for your thoughts for Kirsten :)

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  70. A definitely YES for me, Susanna...both for the molten chocolate and for Kirsten's pitch.:)
    What a fun premise, Kirsten...you had me smiling from the first word to the last...not much to improve on it because it rocks...but I liked Stacy's suggestion to remove the word 'self-proclaimed'.:)

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  71. Thanks so much for your thoughts for Kristen, Vivian! :) And I believe it's time for more cake :)

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  72. You cannot trust that little g-hog around strawberries, Janet - sorry! :)

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