July 25, 2012

Would You Read It Wednesday - The 50th Pitch! and Straight From The Editor #10

Grab your Something Chocolate and bring it and your computer out to the hammock so you can relax and enjoy today's Would You Read It extravaganza (which simply means that, due to trying to stuff in extra posts and features around the edges, I'm lumping June's Straight From The Editor in with today's pitch :))
Yes, this is my yard - a little blurry because I tried to enlarge the hammock view.
Anyone who doesn't have a hammock is invited to use mine - it's just hanging around doing nothing :)
(Apologies to those of you with desktops - they're a little harder to take out to the hammock - but I'm sure you're resourceful :))

Anyhoo...  you will recall that the winner of the June pitch pick was Lori with her pitch for These Little Piggies.  Here is the original:

Working Title:  These Little Piggies
Age/Genre: Rhyming Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch:  In this Mother Goose mash-up, five little piggies are living happily in a shoe until a callous old woman forces her way in and turns their lives head over tails.  The piggies decide to set a trap for the old woman so, the first little piggy goes to market... the second little piggy stays home...  Will they succeed in giving the old coot the boot?

and here are Erin's comments:


This is very cute! The one thing that worries me is the phrase “set a trap”. Seems too threatening. I think that, at least for the pitch, you should say, “the piggies decide to do something about her”?

You guys are getting good at this!  Erin hasn't had a whole lot to say the last couple times :)

So, onto today's pitch, which comes to us from the lovely Dana.  Dana is an illustrator/author from Michigan who revels in sketching, painting, and creating new worlds. She is currently working on the illustrations of a PB manuscript that she has also written called "CJ's Tiger".  Please visit her Website (which contains a link to her blog!)  (And really, I just have to insert here that her art is SO engaging!  I highly recommend a look!)  And you will be pleased to know that her pitch is for the very book she mentioned she is illustrating!

Working Title:  CJ's Tiger
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch:  CJ thinks that it would be a great to have a tiger for a pet (even if his parents don’t agree). So CJ is thrilled when he awakens the next day to find that his cat “Tiger” has transformed into a real tiger! But he soon learns that having a pet tiger is a lot harder than he imagined when the day turns into one big cat-astrophe!

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Dana improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in August, which is not very far away at all at this point, so we could really use some new pitches!!

Dana is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  Just so y'all know, she is at work and, being a responsible type, can't respond to comments until later when she's on her own time, but SHE WILL BE HERE as soon as she can :)

Have a great day!  If you see someone looking lost in North Carolina, that will be me :)

Reactions:

86 comments:

  1. I would definitely want to read this. I loved your use of cat-astrophe (very good). I don't think you need the But at the beginning of that sentence. It is clear without it. I don't know how much it matters, but when a But is used at the beginning of a sentence I feel like it better be quite necessary. :) By the way, LOVE your artwork on your blog. I also think that when this book is published it should say by Dana (C)atnip

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  2. I also love the pun at the end, and it sounds like a fun book! I'd read it! I think the first couple of sentences could be a bit more concise. For instance, the cat's name "Tiger" doesn't need to be mentioned. That's my two cents :-)

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  3. Yes, I'd read the book. I think you could eliminate a lot of little words and non-important details, even leave the parents out.

    How about: CJ wants a tiger for a pet and is thrilled when he awakens to find that his cat has transformed into a real tiger. However, he learns that having a pet tiger is harder than he imagined when the day turns into one big cat-astrophe!

    I like the pun on the word cat-astrophe!

    Beautiful yard and hammock, Susanna! I'd love to relax there. Do you ever write while in the hammock? :)

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  4. thefeatherednestJuly 25, 2012 at 8:22 AM

    I'd read anything with a cat in it.

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  5. Thank you for your comments Kimberly! You are right about the "but"; I will have to work on that part. Lol for the (C)atnip; yes, that has been a nickname for many years! :-)

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  6. Thank you Iza! I was trying to show the irony that his cat named "Tiger" becomes a real tiger, but I can see your point. :-)

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  7. Thank you Tina! I have to admit, I was pleased to have thought up the "cat-astrophe" idea when writing my pitch. :-)
    I have thought too about leaving the parents part out. Thank you for your comments!

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  8. Sorry, for some reason my lat comment didn't post with my name! Thank you Tina! :-)

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  9. Thank you thefetherednest! :-)

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  10. Yes! It sounds like a fun story with lots of room for silly "catastrophes".

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  11. Lol, thank you Heather! :-)

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  12. Thank you so much Susanna for featuring my pitch and for your wonderful compliments! *blushes* :-)
    Thank you everyone for the comments! I had a few minutes before work to check in but now I'm off & won't be back until tonight! I will reply to your wonderful comments in the evening!

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  13. For Dana, I love the punny "cat-astrophe" line at the end! The pitch covers all the bases efficiently and in a bouncy, playful way. Nice job!

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  14. For Dana, I love the punny "cat-astrophe" line at the end! The pitch covers all the bases efficiently and in a bouncy, playful way. Nice job!

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  15. I think this is great, Dana - I would definitely read this! I love 'cat-astrophe'!!

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  16. I agree with Tina - it would be better without the parents! I also agree - beautiful yard!!

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  17. I would read this book. I'm anxious to see the funnies that result from Tiger's transformation. I'm also curious as to how things get back to normal. Or do they?

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  18. I would read it, Dana. "Cat-astrophe" is clever. I also like how you contract CJ's thoughts on a pet tiger with his parents' thoughts.

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  19. YES! I would read CJ's Tiger! I want to know what happens! :)

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  20. Rachel SchieffelbeinJuly 25, 2012 at 10:11 AM

    I'd read it. It sounds fun. :) I also liked the word play at the end. It made me smile. :)

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  21. I don't really have anything to add to the comments as everyone's got your back covered. Love your artwork!
    And I'd read your book.

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  22. I love the overall idea. I wonder if his parents might use that worn-out line from the Parent Guide: Be careful what you wish for! when they tuck him into bed. Let us see CJ wish. Then there would be a stimulus for the response--cat turns into tiger.

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  23. Susanna, was that you I just saw on the side of the road wearing a blank expression???? It sure looked like you. *wink*

    Love the ending of this pitch, Dana. So fun! I've always heard that ONLY the MC should be in the pitch/query. The parents should stay out of that. But it sounds like a great story. Great work!

    Now I must rest in that lovely looking hammock. *Zzzzzzzzzz*

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  24. Yes - would definitely read - the sort of whimsy I love. I do agree w/ others that it could be trimmed up a bit. it sounds like it could be a furrrocious story, it's purrrobably quite tame. (Sorry, couldn't resist - I do love puns). Sounds like you can have some real fun with this. Many blessings to you.

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  25. Yes Dana, I would read it. Loved your play on words -- it sounds like a funny book. I think your first sentence could be stronger -- he wants a tiger with all his heart -- or whatever fits the story. The rest is very good.

    Oh Susanna, how inviting that hammock looks. It cooled her a bit.

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  26. Yes I would read--the line about having a pet tiger is harder than he imagined makes me curious to see the "cat-astrophes." Sounds fun! :)

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  27. I would read it. Everyone else has already given good advice about tightening the pitch, so once that's done, you're good to go. :)

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  28. I like that tip Robyn!! Only the MC in the pitch. Got it!

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  29. Alanna St LaurentJuly 25, 2012 at 6:19 PM

    Yes I would read her book, even I'd I wasn't her sister ;). I think it is a cute idea, and I love cats so it's a win-win.

    Alanna

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  30. Yes, I would definitely read it. I love the pun in the ending! Not sure, though, if you need the parenthetical about the parents.

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  31. Great comments from Erin for Lori! And YES, I would definitely read Dana's book...love the clever story idea...can't wait to hear what happens...and the cat-astrophy language is PURRfect. :)

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  32. Penny KlostermannJuly 25, 2012 at 9:27 PM

    I would read it! Sounds very cute. I agree with Tina. She gave great advice for tightening your pitch. And, I agree with many others that cat-astrophe is really cute!

    I'd love to hang out in your hammock, Susanna! It looks so relaxing and peaceful.

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  33. Thank you Carrie! :-)

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  34. Thank you Lori! :-)

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  35. Thank you Pamela! I'll admit that I do have ideas for two different endings...I guess it would be up to an editor to decide which ending works best! :D

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  36. Thank you Kirsten! :-)

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  37. Thank you "This Kid Reviews Bks"! I'm thrilled from all of the positive responses! :-)

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  38. Thank you Rachel! :-)

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  39. Thank you Teresa! Yes, how often do children hear that from parents, lol!

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  40. Thank you, Robyn. Kimberly had also mentioned that maybe I should leave the parents out of the pitch. Maybe I made it too cliche' to have their point of view; after all, what parent WOULD want their child to have a pet tiger? :D

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  41. Thank you, Laura! And I love the puns! They're in a
    cat-agory all their own! Ha ha, there we go again! :D

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  42. Thank you, Tiltonph. I have had a lot of great advice today, & I think I'll leave out the parents POV! :-)

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  43. Thank you for the kind words Coleen! :-)

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  44. Thank you, Renee! Yes, I've had good advice today, everyone has been so kind! :-)

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  45. Thanks sis! :D

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  46. Thank you, Patricia! Many have agreed with you about the parental part; I'm going to leave that out! :-)

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  47. Thank you so much Vivian! :-)

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  48. Thank you, Penny! I'm so appreciative about the positive responses and the great advice! :-)

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  49. Would definitely want to read it. Sounds like a super cute idea. Makes me wonder what happens to make CJ realize why having a tiger for a pet could be hard!

    I'll have to work on a pitch for my YA novel. Does the MS have to be finished to submit?

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  50. Yes I'd read it. I like Tina's suggestions/edits. Enjoy North Carolina! I loved living there. It's a friendly place and not too many round abouts ...

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  51. Thank you Leigh for the kind words! :-)

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  52. Thank you Stacy! :-)

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  53. Thank you again Susanna for posting my pitch and for the very kind words about my artwork and website! This was a lot of fun and VERY helpful! And I love the hammock too; there are definitely pros to laptops over desktops! :-)

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  54. I'd read this, and I think my 5 year-old son would love it. He has a stuffed kitty which has been loved to the point of being flimsy and clumpy. haha When Kitty is in the wash or left behind (like yesterday at Grandpa's house), he pulls out Kitty's Best Friend (that's his official name), who happens to be a stuffed tiger.

    I love Tina Cho's suggestion about tightening the blurb a bit by eliminating some verbiage.

    Wishing you much luck getting this one published. If it were on the shelves, I'd buy it for my son today.

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  55. Thank YOU so much for bravely stepping forth with your pitch! I hope the comments were helpful!

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  56. I would read it, but I have to say I'm not too fond of the title. It doesn't seem to sound as funny as the book sounds. I think you might have an answer though, since everyone likes the "Cat-astrophe" word. It might make a cuter title.

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  57. Thank you for your thoughtful and helpful comments, Reena! (And I love that your son has a "Kitty's Best Friend" for back-up :))

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  58. Thank goodness! You know how I feel about roundabouts :) Thanks for your comment for Dana!

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  59. Hi Leigh! Thanks for your comment for Dana! And no, your ms doesn't have to be finished - this is only for pitches, so only the pitch has to be done :) I've got openings in September..... :)

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  60. It is lovely, Penny! Come on over :) And thanks for your comment for Dana!

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  61. Thanks for stopping by, Alanna! I'm sure Dana appreciates it, and I'm glad to have a new visitor :)

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  62. Thanks for your thoughts, Coleen! I must say - that was the part that hooked me too :)

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  63. Thanks for you comment for Dana, Pat, and come on over and hop in - it's lovely :)

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  64. Thanks for you comments for Dana, Laura! And I am getting a kick out of all these puns :)

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  65. That WAS me, Robyn! You should have stopped and told me where I was :) Thank you for your excellent comment for Dana, and enjoy the hammock - wish I was in it right now instead of by the side of the road looking blank :)

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  66. Thanks for your comments for Dana, Tracy. And yes, isn't her artwork fabulous?!





























    Tracy Campbell wrote, in response to Dana:


    I don't really have anything to add to the comments as everyone's got your back covered. Love your artwork! And I'd read your book.



    User's website
    Link to comment
    IP address: 24.138.105.219

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  67. Thanks so much for your thoughts, Rachel! (And i like that part too :))

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  68. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Pam!

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  69. Thanks, Lori! We are lucky - I love our yard! If only that generator you can see by the house actually worked... maybe we should take it away since it doesn't :)





























    Lori Degman wrote, in response to Tina Cho:


    I agree with Tina - it would be better without the parents! I also agree - beautiful yard!!

    Link to comment
    IP address: 76.245.198.181

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  70. Thanks for your thoughts, Carrie! I like that part too :)

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  71. You are welcome, Dana! And thank you for bravely pitching! And I really do love your art :)

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  72. It does sound fun, doesn't it? Thanks for chiming in, Heather! :)

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  73. Thanks for you very helpful comment for Dana, Tina! And for the compliments on my yard :) As for writing in the hammock, it depends on how exactly you define "writing" - I do a fair amount of thinking with my eyes closed - prewriting if you will - which many confuse with napping :)

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  74. Thanks, Iza! And two cents from you is worth a lot! :)

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  75. Thanks for your helpful comments, Kimberley! And isn't Dana's artwork beautiful?!!!

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  76. Sorry for the late reply; there are a couple of comments that I somehow missed! Thank you Lori for your comment; I agree about leaving the parents out! :-)

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  77. Sorry Emily for the late reply...thank you for your comment! The title is definitely not set in stone, I appreciate your view on this! :-)

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