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June 20, 2012

Would You Read It Wednesday - The 45th Pitch Plus Several Tidbits :)

I have lots to share today, but I'll try to be brief :)

First, I'm so glad everyone enjoyed Joanna's post.  It was terrific, wasn't it?  Let's all give her a round of applause by way of thanks! :)  clapclapclapclapclapclapclap!  Also, I don't think a shower of confetti is out of line :)

Second, I am SO excited for the self-publishing mini-series!  This is because I get to read everything coming in ahead of time, so I already know how great it's going to be and I just can't wait to share it with you all! :)

Third, in the midst of all the busy-ness around here, it had slipped my mind that we were going to have a guest post with the one and only Erin Molta where she answers questions sent in by you!  Luckily she sent me the answers yesterday, which reminded me :)  Due to the fabulous mini-series, I don't have room to fit that post into June unless you all want to turn on your computers on the weekend, so I think that post will go up on Monday July 9.  Mark your calendars! - it's great!

Fourth, in case you hadn't realized it yet, I'm just a little bit nuts :)  This is obvious because, in the midst of all the afore-mentioned busy-ness, I've decided it's necessary to work on a new secret project which turns out to be very time-consuming.  More on that if and when I succeed with it, but don't hold your breath :)

Speaking of which, I'm a little out of breath after telling you all that!

But now it's time for Would You Read It, so make sure your Something Chocolate is handy and have a look-see at what we've got here.

Today's pitch comes to us from the Habitual Rhymer herself, Lori Degman!  Lori teaches deaf/hard of hearing children by day and writes picture books by night, weekend and school holidays.  Her picture book 1 Zany Zoo was the winner of the 2008 Cheerios New Author Contest and was published by Simon & Schuster in 2010.  It received the Gold-Level Mother's Choice Award in 2012 and has been nominated for the 2012-2013 South Carolina Book Award.

You can find her in all these places!


Here is her pitch:

Working Title:  These Little Piggies
Age/Genre: Rhyming Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch:  In this Mother Goose mash-up, five little piggies are living happily in a shoe until a callous old woman forces her way in and turns their lives head over tails.  The piggies decide to set a trap for the old woman so, the first little piggy goes to market... the second little piggy stays home...  Will they succeed in giving the old coot the boot?

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Lori improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in August, so you have time to polish :) for a chance for it to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Lori is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  And I am looking forward to seeing you all on Friday for the first up in our self-publsihing mini-series, Suzanne McGovern! :)


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99 comments:

  1. This Kid Reviews BksJune 20, 2012 at 7:27 AM

    Wow. That is a lot! I can't wait! Congrats! I can't wait to see what it is!
    Onto the pitch - I LOVE this! I really like fractured fairytales and there are a lot of them out there, but nursery rhymes have barely been fractured or mixed up like this (hee hee). These Little Piggies! I would love to read it! :)

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  2. Joanna MarpleJune 20, 2012 at 8:18 AM

    OH MY GOSH! Yes I absolutely would read it! Great pitch! The humor in the pitch no doubt reflects this funny story!

    Thank you once again for having me post, Susanna, such a privilege to be on your blog *picks confetti out of hair with smile on her face*! And I am VERY excited to learn more about self publishing!

    Oooo, wondering about your new project!

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  3. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 8:41 AM

    Thanks for your comments for Lori, Joanna - I'm sure she'll be pleased :) And thank you for guesting - it was very fun! I'm not sure my new project will be very interesting to you since you are a published author, but it is interesting to me! :)

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  4. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 8:42 AM

    I know, it sounds great, doesn't it? I think she better hurry up and get it published so we can all read it! :)

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  5. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 8:56 AM

    Susanna, I thought I was busy - I'm pooped just reading your post!! Can't wait to hear about your project!

    Thanks so much for letting me pitch my story!!

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  6. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 8:58 AM

    Thanks, Joanna! Speaking of busy - you've been all over the place on your blog tour - congrats!!

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  7. sharon stanleyJune 20, 2012 at 9:01 AM

    Oh yeah! Why wouldn't want to read this one? Lori, your pitch piques my interest because I love the idea of an old coot trying to outwit 5 perky piggies....or vice versa. Perfect!

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  8. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 9:02 AM

    Thanks, Erik - I love your enthusiasm!! I'm a big fan of fractured fairy tales too - every since The Stinky Cheese Man!

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  9. Jennifer YoungJune 20, 2012 at 9:05 AM

    Oh how adorbale. Lori- your pitch was great!!! The only thing, maybe add what the piggie was going to the market for. Was is rope? Glue? :) Thanks for sharing Lori

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  10. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 9:18 AM

    Thanks so much for your comments for Lori, Jen!

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  11. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 9:19 AM

    Thanks for chiming in, Sharon!

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  12. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 9:20 AM

    Thank you for pitching! And i'm not sure my newest project will be of much interest to a published author, but I'm having fun with it! :)

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  13. Mindy G.June 20, 2012 at 9:22 AM

    I like the idea of mashing the two stories together...and I love the line "giving the old coot the boot!"

    The only thing I'd change is the title. It says nothing about the old woman or the shoe they're living in.

    Yes, I'd read it :)

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  14. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 9:27 AM

    Thanks for stopping by, Mindy! I love that line too! Thanks for your helpful comments for Lori!

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  15. Tina ChoJune 20, 2012 at 9:31 AM

    Lori,
    Yes, I'd love to read this book. Sounds very fun. I like fractured fairy tales, and so I'm sure I"ll like fractured nursery rhymes. I like the humor, "head over tails." Do you already have an interested editor?

    Susanna,
    I'm excited with you about your secret project. Can't wait to find out about it!

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  16. Coleen PatrickJune 20, 2012 at 9:32 AM

    Sounds like a funny story--I'd read! :)

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  17. Jarmila V. Del BoccioJune 20, 2012 at 9:37 AM

    I would, I would!! I love Mother Goose/Fairy Tale "mixups"...well done, Lori!

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  18. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 9:44 AM

    Thanks for your comments for Lori, Tina. I think she should have an interested editor, don't you? :) And the secret project has a LOOONNNGGG way to go and may not turn into anything... we'll just have to see... :)

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  19. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 9:45 AM

    Thank for chiming in, Coleen!

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  20. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 9:46 AM

    Thanks for your thoughts, Jarm!

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  21. Miranda PaulJune 20, 2012 at 9:49 AM

    Great pitch. Hilarious. "coot the boot" won me over (ok, I was already convinced I would read it from "Mother Goose mash-up," but that phrase takes the cake). Definitely would read!! Great job Lori.

    And good luck with your secret project, Susanna.

    Here's a virtual brownie. **YUM**

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  22. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 10:06 AM

    Thanks for your thoughts, Miranda! I love that line too. And brownies - yum! I'm cheating. As we speak I'm just getting around to breakfast - a bowl of raspberries and blueberries with a few cheerios thrown in and not a speck of chocolate in sight :)

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  23. Vivian KirkfieldJune 20, 2012 at 10:12 AM

    YES! I would definitely read it...congrats, Lori, on hooking us with the humor. ;) So creative! But I'm confused, Susanna, I thought questions in a pitch were a no-no...I actually love them, but somewhere I remember reading not to do it. Looking forward to the mini-series and anything else you decide to "dish" out...especially the chocolate!

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  24. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 10:21 AM

    I've heard that too, Vivian, but I think questions in the pitch is one of those vague areas. I guess, given editor comments, I'd try to avoid it, but sometimes maybe it works better. There are apparently exceptions to every rule :) Now. Here is a lovely dish of chocolate mousse with fresh raspberries on top just for you! :)

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  25. Margaret GreaniasJune 20, 2012 at 10:45 AM

    I love the mashups and I would definitely read this. I love "head over tails" and "coot the boot." This looks like a really fun story.

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  26. ReneeJune 20, 2012 at 11:02 AM

    Well, OF COURSE. The pitch is pitch-perfect and I wouldn't change a thing! It's a hoot, but I expected nothing less from Ms. Degman!

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  27. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 11:03 AM

    Thanks for your comments for Lori, Margaret! :)

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  28. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 11:10 AM

    Thanks, Sharon!

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  29. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 11:11 AM

    Thanks for your educated opinion Renee! :)

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  30. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 11:11 AM

    Do you think it would make the pitch too long if I add what they go for? Or, I could just mention the first little piggy including the detail and not mention the second. What do you think? Thanks for the help!

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  31. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 11:12 AM

    Mindy's my sister :-)

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  32. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 11:12 AM

    Thanks, Min! I'll have to start brainstorming titles!

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  33. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 11:14 AM

    Thanks so much, Tina! This is still a WIP but I'm bringing it to a writer's retreat this weekend and hope to finish the edits!

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  34. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 11:14 AM

    Thanks, Coleen!

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  35. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 11:14 AM

    Thanks, Jarmila!!

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  36. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 11:16 AM

    Thanks so much, Miranda! I don't eat chocolate - can I have a lemon bar instead?

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  37. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 11:18 AM

    Thanks for the tip about questions, Vivian! I'll have to rework that part!

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  38. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 11:19 AM

    Thanks, Margaret! I'm a sucker for mash-ups myself :-)

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  39. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 11:20 AM

    Thanks, Renee! Are you trying to boost my confidence so my video isn't a complete disaster?

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  40. Beth StilbornJune 20, 2012 at 11:28 AM

    YES, I would read it! I can't wait to find out what happens.

    (your secret project has me mightily intrigued. You, nuts? never...)

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  41. Penny KlostermannJune 20, 2012 at 11:33 AM

    I would read it for sure. I love your pitch, Lori!

    Susanna-You have so much in store for us that I'm thinking about dancing on my table as I eat my chocolate!!!

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  42. terriforeJune 20, 2012 at 12:43 PM

    I would read it just on the pitch alone, very creative and a wonderful twist.

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  43. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 1:58 PM

    Ole! :)

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  44. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 2:05 PM

    Thanks for your thoughts, Terri!

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  45. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 2:38 PM

    Just a bit nuts, I'm afraid, but hopefully not in a bad way :)

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  46. thefeatherednestJune 20, 2012 at 3:44 PM

    I would absolutely read it. What a fantastic pitch.

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  47. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 4:11 PM

    Thanks for your thoughts, Delores! :)

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  48. Laura Anne MillerJune 20, 2012 at 5:03 PM

    YES to the pitch - I took my shoes off and I 'm ready to read...sounds hilarious.
    Susanna, a secret project?? Not even one little hint???

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  49. BrendaJune 20, 2012 at 6:08 PM

    I would love to read the story. I love fragmented fairy tales. The pitch seems to need a touch of work. The first sentence is perfect. The second sentence is not as concise. It seems to need better word choice. Sorry, I know almost everyone thinks it's great as it is. In any case, the pitch has captured my imagination. :)

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  50. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 6:10 PM

    Nope! No hints until I have an idea of whether or not it has any hope of coming to fruition! :)

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  51. DarshanaJune 20, 2012 at 6:14 PM

    Hi Lori, Yes I would read this. My favorites are the "mother goose mash-up" and the "give the old coot the boot". It was Tamson Watson's post on 12x12 that mentioned not to use questions in a pitch. I think your title could be a little more zippy to reflect the true craziness, fun of your story.

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  52. Cathy MealeyJune 20, 2012 at 6:16 PM

    I love the pitch! And I hope the little old woman is happily paired off with her 'sole'-mate in the end!

    Best of luck with the super secret something Suzanna! (Say that six times fast!)

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  53. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 6:21 PM

    Thanks, Beth!

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  54. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 6:22 PM

    Thanks, Penny! Hey - have someone take a picture of you on the table for FB :-)

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  55. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 6:22 PM

    Thanks so much, Terri!

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  56. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 6:26 PM

    Thanks so much, Delores!

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  57. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 6:27 PM

    LOL Thanks, Laura!

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  58. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 6:28 PM

    Thanks for the suggestions, Brenda - I'll go back and see if I can tighten it up!

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  59. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 6:30 PM

    Thanks, Darshana! My sister said the same thing about the title and you're both right - it's pretty boring! It's funny, I'm usually pretty good at titles but I haven't been able to come up with a good one yet. I think I'll rework the question too.

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  60. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 6:32 PM

    Great pun, Cathy! I may just have to figure out who her sole-mate would be. Maybe Peter the pumpkin eater - she can move from a shoe into a pumpkin :-)

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  61. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 6:49 PM

    How well you know me and my love of tongue-twisters, Cathy :) And thank you for the good wishes - I will certainly need them for my undertaking! :)

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  62. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 6:53 PM

    Thanks for your thoughts, Darshana! :)

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  63. Susanna Leonard HillJune 20, 2012 at 6:58 PM

    Thanks for the helpful pointers Brenda!

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  64. TiltonphJune 20, 2012 at 7:11 PM

    Great pitch Lori. I love it. It's tight, and funny. My only suggestion would be to take out the word "so" in the second sentence and put a period. The first little piggy... second little piggy stand alone. Yes, I would read it!

    Super secret something -- wait a minute, if you don't succeed we'll never know? I know, you're taking pole dancing lessons as research for a book! :)

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  65. LdegmanJune 20, 2012 at 8:12 PM

    Thanks for the feedback, Patricia!

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  66. Carrie FinisonJune 20, 2012 at 9:37 PM

    Hi Lori-
    I love your idea! I would definitely read it. I enjoy fractured fairy tales.

    I thought the pitch was good. The first sentence was stronger than the second. I think I'd get rid of the rhetorical question, and maybe make the sentences shorter.

    Also, I agree the title could be stronger. How about: The Little Piggies Who Lived in a Shoe
    I'm not great with titles...

    Some suggestions below:
    In this Mother Goose mash-up, five little piggies live happily in a shoe. But when a callous old woman barges in and turns their lives snout over tails, the piggies must set a trap to give the old coot the boot.

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  67. TracyBermeoJune 20, 2012 at 10:30 PM

    I would totally read this! It seems like a great piece to read out loud and while I"m sure the piggies will be successful in getting the callous woman (I love the pun) out, I just can't wait to see how they do it. Excellent!

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  68. Sharronwalsh03June 20, 2012 at 11:30 PM

    A resounding yes! I love fractured fairy tales and this one sounds delightful.

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  69. Tina DC HayesJune 21, 2012 at 12:23 AM

    Susanna, Good luck with your secret project! Can't wait to hear all about it when you finish. :)

    It's a maybe on the pitch. It sounds like an interesting children's book, but I'd like to know what is going to set it apart from the nursery rhyme.

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  70. Lj MozdzierzJune 21, 2012 at 6:11 AM

    Yes, Lori's pitch did spike my interest in this story.
    I like the idea of a mash-up. It shouts "humor" to come.
    The closing line, "Will they succeed in giving the old coot the boot?" has me curious what the piggies will do to achieve this.
    Also, like the rhyme in that line.

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  71. Susanna Leonard HillJune 21, 2012 at 6:53 AM

    Thanks Tina! :)

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  72. Susanna Leonard HillJune 21, 2012 at 6:54 AM

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

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  73. Susanna Leonard HillJune 21, 2012 at 6:55 AM

    Thanks for chiming in Tracy!

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  74. Susanna Leonard HillJune 21, 2012 at 6:58 AM

    Thanks Sharron!

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  75. Susanna Leonard HillJune 21, 2012 at 7:01 AM

    Thanks for the helpful comments Carrie!

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  76. Susanna Leonard HillJune 21, 2012 at 7:04 AM

    Because there just really aren't enough picture books about pole dancing! :)

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  77. Lorijo MetzJune 21, 2012 at 7:42 AM

    I'd read it. It sounds hilarious. What a great idea.

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  78. LdegmanJune 21, 2012 at 8:51 AM

    Thanks for the great advice, Carrie! The question is definitely out and I love how you tightened it up!

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  79. LdegmanJune 21, 2012 at 8:51 AM

    Thanks so much, Tracy!

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  80. LdegmanJune 21, 2012 at 8:52 AM

    Thanks, Sharron!

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  81. LdegmanJune 21, 2012 at 8:54 AM

    Thanks for the input, Tina! You're right - you can write a good pitch but you have to have the goods to back it up. Hopefully I do :-)

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  82. LdegmanJune 21, 2012 at 8:59 AM

    Thanks, Lori! You're the second person to mention being curious about how they give her the boot. I better make sure it's clever enough to pay off! Time to edit :-)

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  83. LdegmanJune 21, 2012 at 8:59 AM

    Thanks so much, Lorijo!!

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  84. Alayne Kay ChristianJune 21, 2012 at 9:56 AM

    I would read it. It caught my attention, made me smile, and left me curious. It sounds like a clever mashing up of Mother Goose. So, not only am I curious to learn if the old coot gets the boot, I am also curious to see the other clever ways Mother Goose characters and stories get mashed-up.

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  85. Susanna Leonard HillJune 21, 2012 at 10:35 AM

    Thanks for your thoughts Alayne!! :)

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  86. Reena JacobsJune 21, 2012 at 11:10 AM

    I would read this one. The familiarity draws me in, but having a plot behind an old rhyme really does the trick. Plus, the style presented in the pitch gives me the impression the story will be a lot of fun and will possibly put new twists on old cliches.

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  87. Susanna Leonard HillJune 21, 2012 at 11:17 AM

    Thanks, Reena! A thumbs up from you is always a good sign :)

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  88. LdegmanJune 21, 2012 at 3:16 PM

    Thanks, Alayne!

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  89. LdegmanJune 21, 2012 at 3:16 PM

    Thanks for the feedback, Reena!

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  90. Hannah HoltJune 21, 2012 at 4:15 PM

    Love the pitch! Sounds like fun, Lori. I like the twist that your piggies are actual piggies.

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  91. Susanna Leonard HillJune 21, 2012 at 4:54 PM

    Thanks for your comments, Hannah!

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  92. LdegmanJune 21, 2012 at 6:28 PM

    Thanks, Hannah!

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  93. Tracy CampbellJune 21, 2012 at 11:45 PM

    I cracked up when I read the last line, "Will they succeed in giving the old coot the boot?" The last sentence did it for me. I'd love to read it.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Susanna Leonard HillJune 22, 2012 at 5:14 AM

    That is a great sentence, isn't it?! Thanks for commenting Tracy!


















    Tracy Campbell wrote, in response to Ldegman:


    I cracked up when I read the last line, "Will they succeed in giving the old coot the boot?" The last sentence did it for me. I'd love to read it.

    User's website
    Link to comment

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  95. LdegmanJune 27, 2012 at 8:05 PM

    Thanks, Tracy!

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  96. Tracy CampbellJune 29, 2012 at 12:29 AM

    My pleasure!

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  97. Jennifer Lee YoungJune 30, 2012 at 5:51 PM

    I was just thinking tell that first piggie's. Sorry it took so long to respond

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  98. Reena JacobsFebruary 21, 2013 at 6:13 PM

    I would read this one. The familiarity draws me in, but having a plot behind an old rhyme really does the trick. Plus, the style presented in the pitch gives me the impression the story will be a lot of fun and will possibly put new twists on old cliches.

    ReplyDelete
  99. Susanna Leonard HillFebruary 21, 2013 at 6:13 PM

    Thanks, Reena! A thumbs up from you is always a good sign :)

    ReplyDelete

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