May 30, 2012

Would You Read It Wednesday - The 42nd Pitch

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

Grab your donut (or any member of the donut family that suits your fancy this morning - bagel (donut's less exciting sister), cruller, danish, croissant, preferably chocolate, actually, I suppose even funnel cake qualifies, with all that lovely powdered sugar on top... wait... what was I saying?)

Oh yes.  I want you to know that it may be a small miracle if this post actually appears.  We are in the path of severe thunderstorms (which I would know even without the weather report and the exceedingly menacing dark sky and high winds because Jemma has glued her shaking little self to my side - poor Baby J!)...
this is Baby J when she's not being scared by thunder - I wouldn't
want to show you her distress!
...which means that our internet, always temperamental, has become downright moody and is threatening to quit altogether.

So it will be like a little surprise to see if this post shows up or not.

Talk about living on the edge! :)  We laugh in the face of danger up here on Blueberry Hill! :)

Anyway, before we get to Would You Read It, I wanted to mention for all you contest junkies out there that Randy is having one over on his blog Author In Training.  So hop on over and check it out!

Also, if you haven't had a chance to vote for who you think should win the Birthday Contest, you still have until midnight!  You can vote HERE.  And it is quite a heated competition, so your vote could be a deciding factor!

Now then.

Today's pitch comes to us from the amazing Tina.  Here are a few words about her that I lifted off her blog (since apparently I forgot to ask her what she wanted me to say about her - oops! - :))

Tina M. Cho is a freelance writer for education and children’s stories and a former elementary teacher of eleven years. She wrote 16 books for Lakeshore Learning and 4 guided readers for Compass Media. Her nonfiction book for girls from Legacy Press will be out in 2013, and she’s working on another contracted book for girls with them. She has written stories for a private school’s reading curriculum, books reviews for the Christian Library Journal, educational activities for education.com,and stories for magazines and e-zines. She is the mom of two kids, a fourth grader and a first grader. She and her husband Jackey recently moved from Southern California to South Korea.

Here is her pitch:

(and BTW, Tina lives on the other side of the globe from many of us, and will be going to bed when the rest of us are getting up and reading this, so please be patient for her responses to your comments!)

Working Title:  Dewey Bookworm Takes The Stage
Age/Genre:  Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch:  What if a bookworm doesn't like books?  Tree leaves taste better than book leaves.  Dewey Bookworm wants to join the circus.  Will other book-eating creatures change his mind?


So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Tina improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in August, so you have time to polish :) for a chance for it to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Tina is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!

Tune in Friday for Perfect Picture Books - I have such a perfect one for this week! you're going to love it! - and for the announcement of the Birthday Contest winners!!!  Ooh, the excitement!  How will you ever wait for Friday?

Have another donut :)


Reactions:

78 comments:

  1. The excess of croissants may cloud my judgment here. I can tell this is a fun story, but the pitch isn't quite there yet for me. I think you don't need both sentence one and two as they more or less say the same thing. Also it feels a little disjointed with mention of circus and other book eating animals. Sorry, not very coherent today, Tina. I love the name and I would read this. I hope others can offer more concrete help. I am very impressed with all the published work you have!

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  2. Thanks for reading and commenting, Joanna. And i didn't think there was such a thing as "an excess of croissants" but you may switch to muffins of any flavor if you so desire :)

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  3. thefeatherednestMay 30, 2012 at 7:07 AM

    I would read it because it sounds like fun. Not sure I would have opened with a question. I think I would have opened with a little more energy...maybe....something like Just because you're a book worm doesn't mean you like books. Dewey Bookworm is adventurous. He wants to join the circus, and frankly, tree leaves taste a lot better than book leaves. His friends will have a hard job convincing him to behave like all the other bookworms.
    Just a thought.

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  4. AWW. Cute pic! We here have been having thunderstorms nonstop, too!

    I would like to read this book! The idea is great - a bookworm that doesn't like books! I can't wait to hear more about Dewey (is he named after Melville Dewey?)!
    Erik

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  5. Thanks, Erik! You're right...this bookworm is named after the Dewey Decimal System. You're so smart to even know Mr. Dewey's real name!!

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  6. Great idea, Featherednest! Thanks for your help!

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  7. Thanks for your honest opinions and help, Joanna! I'll see what I can do!

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  8. It sounds like a fun book, but the pitch is a bit confusing with the jump from tree leaves to circus. Still, I would want to read it, as I love the concept. (Maybe Dewey might consider e-books if he doesn't like the taste *joking*)

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  9. Haha, Iza. Nice joke! Thanks for your help!

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  10. As a bookworm myself, the character is a draw for me. So that would really make me want to read this cute little book. I wonder if there would be a way to transition to Dewey's desire to go to the circus. When I read it the way it is now, it sort of felt like it should have been a different paragraph. But I admit I'm quite interested in seeing if Dewey's bookworm buds can convince him to stick with the books :-)

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  11. Thanks for the helpful comment, Iza, and also thanks so much for tweeting about WYRI! Tee-hee... e-books :)

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  12. So helpful, Delores, thank you! And I KNEW there was another link I meant to put in today's post - your Words of June! I was distracted by the thunder. I'll see if I can add it in, or else I'll put it on Friday since there's more time for yours.

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  13. I did not know that Mr. Dewey's first name was Melville! See? You learn something new every day! I'm glad you like Baby J's picture - it's practically impossible to get a good one because she is very wiggly and only wants to play... except doing thunderstorms when she want to sit in my lap. Which is a little awkward because she weighs 55 pounds - she's not as small as she appears :)

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  14. Thanks so much for your advice, Angela! I, too, am a bookworm when time allows.

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  15. I'm replying here because I really like the changes that thefeatherednest suggested! I like the concept as revised by pitch-tweeking and would read it. My curiosity was piqued by the phrase "other book eating creatures" and wondered what circus animals might be eating books? But that is from my AM haze with no donuts in sight :-( Happy writing Tina!

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  16. That was such a BAD joke, but thanks for the tee hee, you good friend you!

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  17. I would read it! Tina, I learned through Julie's pitch contest that we are supposed to avoid questions because they sound too market-y. Could you start off with a strong statement like, "Dewey the bookworm can't stand books." (Please don't use this pitiful statement, but you get the gist). Then you could follow up with why. What do they taste like that turns him off?

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  18. Reading through the comments is like going to a writer's workshop.:) I am always blown away by the generous spirit of everyone in this kidlit community! Nice to find out more about you, Tina. I would definitely read it...love the pitch tweaks! I was/am a bookworm...black & white cookies are my choice...kind of a NY thing, I think. :)

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  19. Good advice, Kirsten. Thanks so much!

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  20. Thanks, Vivian, for your comments. I agree, this IS like a writer's workshop!

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  21. Susanna, You're sooo funny! I love that comment that the bagel is a donut's less exciting sister. In honor of your bread-eating request, I ate 1/2 a cinnamon roll, no donuts on hand. I usually don't eat something sweet this late at night but couldn't resist after reading your post! Thanks for hosting my pitch today. I'll read more when I awake. Happy Writing Day!

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  22. I did not manage breakfast properly this morning between getting kids to school and going to the dentist, so I made due with the less exciting sister - a piece of raisin bagel, which is about as exciting as a bagel can get :) Glad if you're getting some good comments on your pitch. Sleep tight - we'll see you tomorrow... or tonight... or whatever :)

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  23. I think a black and white cookie is more of a distant cousin to the donut, but I agree they are delicious and certainly constitute a healthy breakfast as they must involve eggs which are protein :)

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  24. Good ideas. Thanks for chiming in, Kirsten!

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  25. Elizabeth Stevens OmlorMay 30, 2012 at 12:41 PM

    Ohhhh..I LOVE bookworms, especially rebellious ones. =) I like the idea of changing the first line into a statement and then creating a transistion between Dewey eating leaves and the circus. Great idea! I am so curious as to what other creatures eat books! I would definitely read this Tina Cho!

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  26. I'm a yes-to-maybe on this one. I think the story sounds fun, but the pitch is not drawing me in as much as it could. I'm not sure what the connection is between liking the taste of tree leaves and wanting to join the circus -- seems like there is a leap there and the connection needs to be made. Also, I would avoid using questions in the pitch. Also, I'm not sure what a bookworm could do in a circus -- is it a worm circus?? Maybe be a little more specific about what he wants to do.

    Sounds like a good story, Tina!

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  27. I am intrigued by a bookworm that doesn't like books--so yes!
    Susanna, you just reminded me that I want to look up a recipe for gluten free danishes. All weekend I wanted a danish! :)

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  28. The idea of a bookworm not liking the taste of books is such a "Wait a minute, I gotta find out why!" Yes, I would read the book. However, I am not sure how Dewey's dislike of book leaves connects to his wanting to be in the circus. Maybe: Dewey is a circus loving bookworm that prefers the leaves of tress than the leaves of books...I know, stop cringing. My intent was to somehow connect these two great ideas.

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  29. Penny KlostermannMay 30, 2012 at 4:49 PM

    I love bad jokes...those are the ones that always make me laugh....I literally laughed out loud. So, Iza, if you ever decide to do stand up comedy...call me to be in the audience!

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  30. I always heard you should not begin your query with a question. And I'm confused about the last sentence. Maybe that should be your opening. Tie it in to the reason he doesn't want to read. Dewey sounds like a fun character though. I would definitely read the story.

    Susanna, I know I have been a bad girl, but there has been so much awfulness here in NC. I put Phyll on a plane yesterday. The post will go up Monday. I am trying to get caught up. Plus, sis-in-law is still among us. She's having bad days with times when she cannot breathe at all. It is only a matter of days, I suppose.

    Mwah! I have missed you. :(

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  31. Ack! I emant to say tie it in to the reason he doesn't like books. *sigh* I need to go to bed.

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  32. Penny KlostermannMay 30, 2012 at 4:54 PM

    Golly gee whiz....why did I wait until this afternoon to read this. I had toast...BORING toast for breakfast. I had your permission to have all of these tasty things! I know I can do that on Susanna days, but I think Monday being a holiday threw me off. I didn't EVEN think about it being Would You Read It Wednesday.

    As far as your pitch Tina....I would read it. I love the idea. The pitch did need some focus. I have read through the comments and there was great input. Just like Cathy, I really, really like thefeatherednest's rework of your pitch. Get busy on this book because I want to read it :-)

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  33. Thanks so much for the comments, Elizabeth! I confess - I was curious about what other animals might eat books too!!

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  34. Thanks for commenting, Penny! And I have three words for you: "Breakfast for dinner!" :)

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  35. I like the idea of a bookworm who hates books, Tina! So, I would be interested in reading it. But, there could be some mystery surrounding his other options/preferences...maybe hint instead of reveal it's the circus he wants to join?

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  36. You are not a bad girl, Rob, you are a wonderful person who is doing her best to get through a very tough time. We miss you and are here for you. No worries about anything else! I will look forward to seeing Miss Phyllis, and really look forward to your post whenever it gets up - no rush! Hang in there and let us know if there's any way we can help!

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  37. Thanks so much for your help, Pam! :)

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  38. I am intrigued by the idea of a gluten-free danish! That sounds like an oxymoron! Let us know how it comes out!

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  39. Thanks so much for your input, Carrie!

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  40. Thanks so much for chiming in, Angela!

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  41. Thanks so much, Elizabeth for your advice. Yes, it was fun researching other book-eating insects.

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  42. Thanks, Carrie, for your advice! I'll try to make a better connection.

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  43. Thanks, Coleen, for your input and for stopping by!

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  44. Great ideas, Pam. Thanks for your help!

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  45. Thanks for your advice, Robyn! I'll change that question.

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  46. Thanks, Penny, for your advice and glad you stopped by. I agree with Susanna...breakfast anytime!

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  47. Another good idea, Jarmila. Thanks for your advice!

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  48. Thanks, again, Cathy! Hope you found a donut!

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  49. Naming Dewey after the Decimal system is perfect! Just the fact that a bookworm doesn't like books, I'd read it. Just a teeny suggestion. How about showing what the tree leaves taste like?

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  50. Thanks for your input, Tracy!














    Tracy Campbell wrote, in response to Susanna Leonard Hill:


    Naming Dewey after the Decimal system is perfect! Just the fact that a bookworm doesn't like books, I'd read it. Just a teeny suggestion. How about showing what the tree leaves taste like?

    User's profile
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  51. Stina LindenblattMay 30, 2012 at 10:10 PM

    I wouldn't read it (but I don't read many PB anymore). I don't know what the conflict is. So what if he doesn't like books? Is he going to die? Will the world come to an end? What is the consequence of him joining the circus. Since I love books, I'm happy he doesn't want to eat them. And I'm ready to squish his friends. They're the evil ones. :)

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  52. Oooh, donuts. I'm wondering if running away to the circus is unique enough... Other than that, I'm always intrigued by people/things that dislike what they're supposed to love!

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  53. Thanks for your honest opinions, Stina.

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  54. Thanks, Elana, for your comments!

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  55. Thanks, Tracy, for your comments and advice!

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  56. Welcome, Elana! I'm honored that the author of Possession is visiting my little corner of the blogosphere! Thank you so much for your comment for Tina, and enjoy the donuts! Seconds (and thirds :)) are always allowed around here :)

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  57. Thanks so much for commenting for Tina, Stina :)

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  58. Yes, I'd read it. Especially Thefeatherednest's version. But there doesn't seem to be any conflict. Is Dewey in conflict with himself and the other book eating creatures? I'd try and rewrite the pitch with the tension at least hinted at. Can't come up with any myself at the moment. I need to read the book first and see.

    It's breakfast time for me and I"m having chocolate cream pie. Yum mmm. :)

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  59. Thanks for your comments, Clarike!

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  60. Ohmygoodness Susana, your puppy is adorable!!

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  61. Jemmie and I both say thank you, Juliana! :) She is a sweetheart :)

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  62. Thanks for commenting, Clar, and I applaud your choice of breakfast :)

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  63. Which book? This sounds like two different ones (a series maybe!) "What if a bookworm doesn't like books? Tree leaves taste better than book leaves." This had me wondering if the book was going to be about food, nutrition, eating right. THEN "Dewey Bookworm wants to join the circus." Here I saw something quite different: the tent, the MC?/announcer and wondered what tricks Dewey has up his sleeves - wait he hasn't got any! Back to the pitch: I guess I got lost, so I'm going to be brutal and say no to it. BUT I would enjoy seeing either of the story images that formed while reading it!

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  64. Vivian, I remember B/W cookies from Long Island. I found them in Germany and they call them 'Amerikaner'/Americans! Funny, huh! My daughter has made them a number of times - yummy.

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  65. Thanks for your comments, Julie!

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  66. Thank you for your insightful comment Julie - I think you articulated this very well and I'm sure Tina will find it helpful.

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  67. I'd be interested in reading the book based on the pitch. I really

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  68. Aww. Poor Baby J. Tina, I'm a big fan, but it's a maybe from me on this one. I'm intrigued by the idea of a book worm that doesn't like books, but the pitch smacks of biblio-therapy. I'd be afraid a message like "books are for everyone" might overtake the story.

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  69. The thunder has passed and Baby J is very interested in breakfast :) Thanks for commenting, Hannah!

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  70. Sorry I'm posting this a little late; I'm a bit behind on my blogging!
    I like the idea of a bookworm who doesn't want to eat books. However the pitch sounds to me like two different stories/conflicts; in one, he struggles with preferring to eat leaves instead of books. In the other, he wants to join the circus...is this somehow related to him not wanting to eat books? How about combining the conflicts: a bookworm who would rather join the circus than eat books all day?
    I also had one quick thought too in regards to the title: I feel that "Dewey The Bookworm Takes the Stage" has a better sound than "Dewey Bookworm Takes The Stage". Maybe because Dewey could also be an adjective, not just a name (the grass is always dewy in the morning). But maybe that's just me. Cheers! :)

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  71. Thanks so much for your helpful comments, Dana, and not too late :)

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  72. Tina, I love the idea of a bookworm who prefers real leaves to book leaves! And I love his name - very clever! I'm not sure what joining the circus has to do with that though. You need to make a connection so it makes sense why he's doing that. I think I'd start it with a statement too, not a question. I sounds like a fun story!

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  73. Thanks so much, Lori, for your comments and advice!

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  74. Thanks for your great comments, Dana. I like Dewey the Bookworm, too.

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  75. Thanks for your advice, Hannah!

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