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August 17, 2011

Would You Read It Wednesday - The Fourth Pitch!

Hurray!  It's Wednesday!  That means it's time for everybody's favorite game...  duhn-duhn, duhn-duhn - (dramatic music!) Would You Read It!

Now, I know a lot of you authors out there are up to your eyebrows in WriteOnCon (which is totally awesome, BTW, and if you haven't checked it out you owe yourself a trip over there to see what's up!), but surely you will have a moment around midnight, or at least mid-afternoon Thursday while you're refilling your tea cup, or certainly by Friday when WriteOnCon is over, to help out this week's Would You Read It contender!  And parents, teachers, and librarians - this is your chance to get your two cents in before the writers :)

This week's entry comes to us from Paul, a New York City area art director who is quite new to the world of writing children's books and will be grateful for any pointers you can give him.

Here it is:

Title: The Big Red Boat
Genre: Picture Book Series entitled Adventures With Benjamin Blueberry and Wally The Goat.
The Pitch:  Wally the Goat is steering the boat... Look at him go around that duck and through the waves.  He sure is saving the day.

So.  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE, or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Paul improve his pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  (I figured y'all would get tired of me rewriting the same paragraph every week about the rules of the game so I put them up there :))

Paul is eager to hear your thoughts on his pitch!
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14 comments:

  1. Cynthia DiFilippo ElomaaAugust 17, 2011 at 8:34 AM

    I'm not sure, I think I need to know a little more, so I guess that makes me a maybe, because obviously I'm interested.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jenny AndersonAugust 17, 2011 at 10:09 AM

    Yes. I'm interested, and I think the toddler that I read with now would love it, especially if you added in a choo choo. Is Benjamin Blueberry a bear? I like rhyming books, they are fun to read and great for the kids, even if they don't follow all of the pb 'rules'. Go for it, Paul!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Natasha HanovaAugust 17, 2011 at 3:06 PM

    Maybe. I like the rhyming, but need to know a little more about Wally and what he wants.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Susanna Leonard HillAugust 17, 2011 at 3:15 PM

    Cynthia, Jenny and Natasha - thanks for your comments so far! I'm hoping Paul will get a chance to check in and maybe give us a little more info since everybody seems to want more.

    ReplyDelete
  5. UnknownAugust 17, 2011 at 6:30 PM

    Goats driving boats? I'm in! I'm a sucker for little animals, though. :-)

    WriteOnCon has been awesome!

    EJ

    ReplyDelete
  6. Cally JacksonAugust 17, 2011 at 6:51 PM

    I'm with the others - it sounds great but I'd like some more info - particularly around the situation that Wally is needing to save everyone from. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  7. KAugust 17, 2011 at 10:00 PM

    I think it has potential, but I'd recommend eliminating some words (like 'sure') and trying to use words that are a bit more specific. I love the idea that he is steering the boat and having an adventure!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Susanna Leonard HillAugust 17, 2011 at 10:16 PM

    E.J., Cally and K - thanks for you comments!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Theresa MilsteinAugust 20, 2011 at 10:06 PM

    That's cute! But why is he saving the day? Is it a special kind of job or a special kind of boat?

    ReplyDelete
  10. AnonymousAugust 21, 2011 at 9:40 PM

    Okay I love the idea so I'm totally in, but I think the pitch could be a bit more exciting. Goats in boats avoiding ducks in this crazy etc. is a bit more exciting. I'd like a hint at how he is saving the day too please. What is the problem?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Andrea MackAugust 23, 2011 at 7:11 AM

    Sorry I'm a little late to chime in on this. As a kindergarten teacher, I like the potential for rhyme with goat and boat.

    I know this is a short pitch, but I'd like to know what is unique about this story and will make it stand out. Maybe try to capture more of the conflict of the story in the pitch?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Robyn CampbellAugust 23, 2011 at 9:39 AM

    I wrote a rhyming story. My only one. It was fun to write, but I'm worried it sounds a little preachy. I think I would read more of Paul's book if only to find out what's going to happen. Love the boat goat rhyme. I wonder if the rest of the story rhymes as well. Rhyming books are hard to write. The meter has to be just so.

    (I'm late to the party.) *sigh*

    ReplyDelete
  13. Susanna Leonard HillAugust 23, 2011 at 1:01 PM

    Andrea and Robyn - it's never too late to chime in! Thanks for you comments!

    And thanks too to Theresa and Catherine!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Susanna Leonard HillAugust 23, 2011 at 5:17 PM

    Hi All - here are responses from Paul who had trouble posting:

    Cynthia

    Thank you for your interest, I will keep you glued.

    Jenny

    Benjamin Blueberry is a little boy with a blueberry head
    and a choo choo is a great direction. Thank you for your response.

    Natasha

    Wally wants to be rescued, he fell off the boat!
    Thanks for the interest and helpful comments.

    E.J. Wesley

    Thanks E.J. .. my dad just got a bunch of goats on his farm ... thats where Wally came from.

    Cally

    Wally is just saving Benjamin from the ocean... Benjamin went overboard.
    Thanks for you advice and direction

    K

    Thanks K, I will be more direct with the story... Thanks for your help

    Theresa

    He is saving the day by saving Bejamin from the water. I see your point, the pitch leaves to much open for conclusions.
    Thanks


    catherinemjohnson

    Thank you for the positive energy and reminding me about who Im writing for. Thanks again

    Andrea Mack

    Sorry for being so late on my response...

    The direct approach seems to be the way to go in the future.
    This is just one part in the story ... I should have made that more obvious.
    Thank you so much for the comments and direction.

    Robyn Campbell

    Thanks for the support in my Rhyme . I am eager for everyone to find out what happens.


    Special Thanks to Susanna for giving me the opportunity to share my thoughts with the rest of the class. I am so appreciative of all your responses and will keep them all in mind as I continue on my path of Children's Book writing and Illustration.

    Sincerely,

    Paul

    ReplyDelete

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