Thank you all for your patience while I was on vacation! I missed you all dreadfully!
And I am glad to see you all again!
Before we get to our pitch today, I want to remind anyone who hasn't had a chance yet to please take a minute and check out the self-publishing mini-series. Suzanne McGovern, Vivian Kirkfield, Patrick Milne, and Rita Borg generously shared a wealth of hard-won wisdom about their experiences self-publishing, and even more generously donated books for giveaways which you can still qualify for by commenting before Thursday July 5 at 11:59 PM EDT!
Now then, grab your Something Chocolate and get ready for Would You Read It! :)
Today's pitch comes to us from Carrie. She says, I worked in educational software publishing for about 10 years, and wrote content (mostly nonfiction) for children as part of my job. It was wonderful and creative but left me little time or energy for my own writing. Like many parents, my real writing journey began when my son was born and I started reading to him. I started trying to write what I was reading to him, mostly picture books and poetry in magazines like Babybug. I committed myself to practicing as much as I could, took some classes, read some books, and started to submit some of my work to magazines. Four years later, my poems have appeared (or are forthcoming) in Babybug, Ladybug, and High Five magazines. I feel lucky to have found some fabulous critique groups and supportive communities like the 12x12 group that are helping me grow as a writer in so many ways. Please pop over and visit her website :)
Working Title: Friendly Sam, The Ice Cream Man
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 4-8)
The Pitch: Sam loves dishing out ice cream to his favorite customers at the park each afternoon. But when a rival ice cream truck shows up on ‘his’ corner, Sam must find a way to out-sing, out-scoop, and out-serve the competition to keep his customers — and himself — happy.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Carrie improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above. There are openings in August, so you have time to polish :) for a chance for it to be read by editor Erin Molta!
Carrie is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!
And I am looking forward to Friday, the inaugural day of Summer Short & Sweets!!! Are we going to have fun or what?! I am SO tempted to show you the gorgeous SS&S badge that the awesomely talented Loni Edwards has made for us... SO TEMPTED! But I will restrain myself (and by restrain myself I mean will someone please tie my hands behind my back!)
So tune in Friday - same bat time, same bat channel!!! :)
I would read it not only because the book is about my favorite dessert:ice cream but I want to know how he resolves his problem.ReplyDelete
So glad you had a lovely vacation, Susanna!ReplyDelete
I think the pitch sounds really good and I am curious what kind of antics will prevail. I especially love the "out-sing, out-scoop and out-serve part."
Thanks for your comment, Rita! :) I confess I am also an ice cream lover. There's a terrific restaurant near us that serves a dessert called Cafe Lejois (I'm pretty sure I misspelled that horribly) which is REALLY GOOD coffee ice cream drizzled with caramel and fudge sauce, topped with whipped cream and toasted almonds... Mmm! Maybe I'll have ice cream for breakfast :)ReplyDelete
Thanks, Iza! And I love that part too - very engaging!ReplyDelete
Welcome back to the blog-iverse! I am glad you liked your vacation! I like the idea of the pitch. But is the other ice-cream man mean or is he just another competitor? I like the singing part of being an ice cream guy.ReplyDelete
Thanks so much, Susanna, and happy 4th everyone!ReplyDelete
Thanks, Iza! I'm glad to hear you liked it.ReplyDelete
Thanks Rita! Yes, there definitely aren't enough books about ice cream out there. ;-)ReplyDelete
This sounds like a book I'd read and what a lovely cool topic for this hot hot day.ReplyDelete
Ice cream and singing??? I'm in! A definite yes from me :) Thanks for sharing those vacation pics~ it looks beautiful there (and at your home, too!).ReplyDelete
Susanna, I'd like to go on vacation at your house - it looks beautiful!!ReplyDelete
I'd definitely read this! I love "out-sing, out-scoop and out-serve"!! Just imagine the illustrations! And what kid doesn't get excited by the sound of the ice cream truck? I don't think the title lives up to the story though. I'd jazz it up a bit. Well done!
I love this, interesting concept...has a fun glee in the park sing off feel to it.ReplyDelete
Welcome home, Oh Susanna! *I'm strumming the banjo right this minute*:-) Nantucket looks beautiful. But is it as beautiful as my home town, Key Largo? I think not! If I weren't so busy and if you weren't so busy, we'd have a "tête à tête". *wink*ReplyDelete
Carrie, looks great to me. I would definitely read it. Is it rhyming? I was wondering, because of the title. Good luck with it. *Waves*
I've never been to Key Largo so I can't say, but I think Nantucket is hard to beat! :) Thanks for your comments for Carrie! :)ReplyDelete
It does sound fun, Doesn't it? Thanks for your comment :)ReplyDelete
You are welcome to come vacation here, Lori - just be forewarned - the dog hair doesn't show on the outside of the house :) Thanks for your comments for Carrie!ReplyDelete
Glad to hear you had a nice break away, Susanna!ReplyDelete
As to Carrie's pitch, like some of the others have said, I loved the 'out-sing, out-scoop and out-serve part.' The only thing I'd suggest changing would be the title. I'd like to see it shortened but I'm not sure what to suggest without having read the book. Also, the title hints at being a rhyming book. If that is the case, I wonder why you've used the name 'Sam' instead of 'Dan?' (or Stan, or another perfect rhyme with van) But other than the title, the pitch works for me and I'd definitely read it!
Glad you had a lovely vacation. The pictures look magnificent.ReplyDelete
I would read the book. It's about ice cream. I lurve ice cream :-) And it has an interesting conflict to resolve.
So true! I'd be happy if an ice cream truck trundled along our road right about now! :)ReplyDelete
Thank you, Carrie, for bravely sharing your pitch! It's getting pretty good comments so far :)ReplyDelete
Thanks, Erik! Have you ever been to Nantucket? If not, it's worth the trip :)ReplyDelete
Thanks, Angela - it was lovely! And thanks for your comments for Carrie!ReplyDelete
It was wonderful, thanks, Rebecca. And thanks for your helpful comments for Carrie!ReplyDelete
I'm jealous, Susanna...Nantucket is my favorite island getaway! But I haven't visited for years. Sure glad you had the chance to retreat and refresh...ReplyDelete
Yes, Carrie, I would read it! I love the rhyming title, and the suspense of wanting to know what he does to outshine his opponent. As you were describing Sam's dilemma, I wanted to raise my "dukes"(sp?) and fight for him!
Is that a hammock in your front yard Susanna? Nice!ReplyDelete
I agree with Iza (she 'out-did' me). And I agree with Lori about the title, should be as snazzy as the pitch: Scooper-Dooper?
It's lovely, isn't it? Maybe you'll get to go again soon :) Thanks for your comments for Carrie, Jarm!ReplyDelete
That is indeed a hammock, Julie, and it is very awesome - too bad I don't get to spend a little more time there :) Thanks for your comments for Carrie!ReplyDelete
Thanks, Julie! Good point about the title. I love Scooper-Dooper! I may have to steal that idea. Thanks so much, that's very helpful.ReplyDelete
Thanks, Jarmila. Good to know Sam has you on his side already. ;-))ReplyDelete
Thank you Angela. Now that it is officially "after lunch" I'm starting to think about some ice cream myself...ReplyDelete
Wow! Great pitch! I would definitely read your book. It sounds really fun.ReplyDelete
Susanna-Glad you had a great vacation. Thanks for sharing the beautiful photos.
Thank you so much, Rebecca. Good to see you over here. This one is not a rhymer, and I have struggled with the title quite a bit. Originally the MC's name was Fred (his truck is "Fred's Friendly Ice Cream") but I changed to Sam to have more assonance with Man while not being a perfect rhyme. Also, you always hear about editors not liking alliterative names (Sammy Squirrel, Chester Chipmunk) so even though I liked it, I decided to change it. I'll have to think about the title and name some more.ReplyDelete
Thanks, Robyn. No, it's not rhyming (see my response to Rebecca). I'm definitely still struggling with the MC's name and book title.ReplyDelete
Thanks, Charlie. Oooh, I like your 'sing off' idea. Right now there's no official sing-off in the park, but that is giving me some ideas... Thanks!ReplyDelete
Thank you, Lori. I agree with you about the title. It has been a sticking point for me. Glad to hear you liked the pitch.ReplyDelete
Thanks, Jess! I'm glad you're a yes. I'm thinking I should play up the singing part in the story even more since that seems appealing to so many people.ReplyDelete
Thanks for your feedback!ReplyDelete
Thanks, Erik! I'm glad you liked the pitch. The other ice cream truck is driven by a woman who is not mean, but she definitely has some tricks up her sleeve that give Sam some competition for customers.ReplyDelete
Thank YOU, Susanna for the opportunity. I thought your pictures looked like Nantucket or the Vineyard. We had our honeymoon there. It's such a wonderful place and you're right, quite beautiful. I love it.ReplyDelete
Oh, a honeymoon on Nantucket would be so nice! What month? I have always really wanted to go in October to see the cranberry bogs :)ReplyDelete
Carrie F (unregistered) wrote, in response to Susanna Leonard Hill:
Thank YOU, Susanna for the opportunity. I thought your pictures looked like Nantucket or the Vineyard. We had our honeymoon there. It's such a wonderful place and you're right, quite beautiful. I love it.
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IP address: 126.96.36.199
Thank Penny! Glad you liked the photos! It was hard to choose what to put - everything is so beautiful!ReplyDelete
Love it! My kids would love the story because it includes two things they love - ice cream and singing!ReplyDelete
I would read it but I think I would have loved to hear a little bit more about the rival, not much but is the rival sinister or just another ice cream shop opening up next door. :D Knowing that he has to out-scoop, out-sing and out-serve means there's a competition :)ReplyDelete
Thanks, Saba! Good idea about the rival. She's not sinister, just another truck driver who comes to the area. I'll think about how I could bring that into it a little more.ReplyDelete
Thanks, Rebecca! I'm glad people are mentioning the singing. It's kind of a minor part of the story, but now I will think about playing that up more since it seems appealing.ReplyDelete
Thanks so much, Penny! I'm glad to hear you like it.ReplyDelete
We went during the last 2 weeks of September, which was an absolutely PERFECT time to go. Still warm and sunny, and most shops and stuff were still open for the season, but hardly anyone was there. It was amazing!ReplyDelete
It must have been gorgeous! June is better than July and August, but still crowded. One of these days I'll go in autumn :)ReplyDelete
Carrie F (unregistered) wrote, in response to Susanna Leonard Hill:
We went during the last 2 weeks of September, which was an absolutely PERFECT time to go. Still warm and sunny, and most shops and stuff were still open for the season, but hardly anyone was there. It was amazing!
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IP address: 188.8.131.52
It sounds good, doesn't it Saba? :)ReplyDelete
A pretty unbeatable combo :)ReplyDelete
Oh yes, I would read this. A competition between ice cream vendors? I really liked your pitch, too. Can't wait to find out what this flavorful character will serve up for us!ReplyDelete
Thanks, Pamela! I'm glad you liked it.ReplyDelete
Sounds like a yummy, delightful book, featuring my favorite dessert, too!! When we lived in CA 2 yrs ago, there were plenty of ice cream trucks roaming the streets! Your pitch is great, gets our curiosity peaked. I think the title could be a little more snazzy. Maybe drop the word "friendly" from the title, too. Best wishes on this story!
Looks like a fun, very relaxing vacation. I so miss the beaches in CA. Your property is very beautiful, too!
Thank you, Tina! I'm glad the pitch appealed to you. Thanks for your great feedback.ReplyDelete
I'm a yes. I've read through the comments and agree about the title. Good luck. And Susanna, glad you had a great vacation.ReplyDelete
It was a lovely vacation, Tina, thanks :) And I am very lucky to live in such a beautiful place on top of Blueberry Hill :)ReplyDelete
Thanks for your comments, Pam :)ReplyDelete
I would definitely read this because I took a class with Carrie and was fortunate enough to read the first draft :) It's a fun story with an appealing topic...who doesn't love ice cream?!ReplyDelete
Thanks for stopping by, Kim, and for your comment for Carrie :)ReplyDelete
Hi Kim! Good to see you here. Thanks for weighing in!ReplyDelete
Thank you, Stacy.ReplyDelete
I've never been to Nantucket. It sounds nice :)ReplyDelete
It is :)ReplyDelete
This Kid Reviews Bks wrote, in response to Susanna Leonard Hill:
I've never been to Nantucket. It sounds nice :)
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IP address: 184.108.40.206
Hi Susanna! I missed reading your posts (will have to catch up on the self pub series). Your vacation sounds great! My husband and son got some frisbee time in too on ours :)ReplyDelete
And I am also happy to be home--isn't vacation great that way?
I like the pitch--the conflict makes me curious to read the outcome!
Happy 4th! Nice vacation photos!ReplyDelete
The pitch is DELICIOUSLY good! Definitely would read it.
LOL, Miranda. Thanks for your comments!ReplyDelete
Thank you, Coleen.ReplyDelete
Loved the pitch. I love the idea of Sam having to come up with creative ways to be more successful in his business.ReplyDelete
Welcome back Susanna! Wow! Nantucket is gorgeous. I was hoping you would post pics :) Thanks.
Thanks for your comments for Carrie, Loni! And yes, Nantucket really is beautiful - I would have posted more pictures but then I might never have gotten around to the point of the post :)ReplyDelete
Thanks, Miranda! Love your comment :)ReplyDelete
Our frisbee time also included some poison ivy time but it was still fun! :) Thanks for your comment for Carrie!ReplyDelete
So glad you had some quality R&R, Susanna! I just got back from my Chicago vacation...it was hard to leave. :) I LOVE this pitch and would definitely read it, Carrie...great story idea...and ice cream is always a winner with kids...and me! :)ReplyDelete
Thanks, Vivian, and so glad you had a nice vacation too! :)ReplyDelete
I'd read it. The pitch is really tight, and the concept seems to lend itself to all kinds of hijinks! Well done, Carrie!ReplyDelete
Susanna...looks like you have quite a lot of green and sun and peace around where you are...kind of all the perfect ingredients for a poetry video, if you ask me....;)
You have done such a beautiful job with your blog - I wouldn't want to scare everyone away with my video ineptitude :) But you are right - the way it looks right now it would make a pretty video... maybe if I can think up something that rhymes I'll try again :) Thanks for your comments for Carrie!ReplyDelete
Thanks so much, Renee. Hijinks...love it!ReplyDelete
Thank you, Vivian. We're all big ice cream fans around here, too.ReplyDelete
I'm late to the pitch party, having just come home from vacation in Maine, but wanted to chime in with a Huzzah! for Carrie's fun pitch and the helpful comments already listed.ReplyDelete
So glad the ice cream man sings and doesn't rely solely upon his truck tune. We have 2 ice cream trucks that stalk our neighborhood; my DD says the "real" one plays When The Saints Go Marching In and the one that plays Do Your Ears Hang Low is NOT a real ice cream truck because the song is wrong, LOL!
Susanna I am craving the Cafe Lejois dessert but after indulging in lots of buttery lobster for a week I am taking a dessert hiatus...
So glad you had a nice vacation! And thanks for finding time to stop by and comment for Carrie - I know how crazy busy it is after a week away! I still feel like I'm playing catch up :)ReplyDelete
Thank you, Cathy! Believe it or not, my son was terrified of the ice cream truck when he was about three. He couldn't stand the out-of-key tunes it played. (He has very sensitive hearing.) When all the kids were screaming and running toward the truck, he would scream and run in the other direction. He's gotten over it by now -- not sure that's a good thing or not. ;-)ReplyDelete
Carrie, I would say yes, especially if there are colorful illustrations of tasty looking ice cream. Yum! Children do like ice cream and competition. The title needs a little fine tuning but the rest sounds great! Good luck on your book.ReplyDelete
Susanna, I am glad you had a great time on your vacation. Also, I enjoyed reading Erin Molta's interview. Keep up the great work on your blogs!
Thanks for your comments for Carrie, Anna, and for your kind words about my blog - I'm so glad you like it :) Glad you enjoyed Erin's answers, too - it was so nice of her to jump in and do that!ReplyDelete