Would You Read It Wednesday #138 - Immortal Island (YA) PLUS Straight From The Editor!

Greetings from the Green Mountains, my friends!

(Because that is where I am right now - campus touring and college info session-ing to beat the band :)  Would anyone like to hear me GIVE a college tour and info session by the way?  I'm pretty sure I could do it, since I am on my 43rd college visit in the last 4 years at the moment!)

I love Vermont.  It's so bucolic.

I used to live here, you know, back in some of the days of my misspent youth :) so I feel very at home.  I mean, Vermont is the land of Ben & Jerry's so what's not to love? :)

Quick poll!  Favorite Ben & Jerry's flavor!

For me it's a tie between mint oreo and coffee heath bar.  Although I do also have quite a fondness for Cherry Garcia...  How about you?

While you mull over that immensely important question, let me present Straight From The Editor from April.  You will recall that the April Pitch Pick was won by Frances, and here is her winning pitch:

Working Title: Peter and AsburyBy Frances Kalavritinos
Picture Book Ages 4-8

Peter is a shy, socially awkward six-year old boy whose best friend just happens to be an ancient oak tree he calls Asbury.  When Peter learns that Asbury will be cut down, he comes up with a plan to keep the memory of Asbury alive forever.  The unlikely bond that develops between boy and tree helps Peter discover a very special talent that he and Asbury will one day share with the whole world.  

Here are editor Erin Molta's insightful comments:

This seems like it has potential, but you are going in two seemingly different directions which makes it a little confusing. Peter and Asbury are best friends, which is great—though begs comparisons to ShelSilverstein’s The Giving Tree. But is the story about this special talent that Peter and Asbury will share or the plan that will keep Asbury’s memory alive forever? And if it’s to keep the memory alive—wouldn’t a reader rather keep the tree alive—and shouldn’t Peter be fighting for that, instead? These are questions that an editor may not want to bother with. You want to present a more linear pitch that is clear on a point that will grab an editor’s attention and make her or him want to see the full story.

This is why we call on the expert, folks!  Erin has a knack for getting to the heart of the issue and helping us see it!

Now then.  Thanks to you all talking incessantly about Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavors, our Something Chocolate for today simply has to be ice cream...

YUM!  Doesn't that look just chock full of chocolatey goodness?

Happy sigh.  Now that we are fortified with chocolate ice cream, let's have a look at today's pitch, shall we?

Today's pitch comes to us from Amanda who says, "My name is Amanda Hildreth (though my pen name is Amanda Wilson). My YA works have been previously published though now I seek new representation. I've been writing since I learned how to hold a pencil and began in the field of poetry. I have a degree in psychology which adds rich and gritty elements to my array of characters. I savor YA fantasy and romance because of the fast pace and magical worlds. Reading was my escape before my poems gave way to novels. Now, writing is not simply my escape from reality, it's my way of life." 

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Immortal Island
Age/Genre: YA
The Pitch: Seventeen year old Aria has awoken on the strangely familiar parallel world, Immortal Island, where life is eternal and once imagined monsters lurk everywhere. Aria’s arrival sets off a chain of events leading the Island’s destruction.

With the evil ruler’s son’s vow of protection, Aria is led to swim with hungry Sirens, cross hell to battle Nymphs of the Underworld and bargain the life of a loved one away to Muses with only the obscure chance of being guided home.

As a connection between Aria and the island becomes clear, so does the true nature of the ruler’s son and the other friends Aria has made. Her discovery sets both the Mortal World and the Immortal World on a path to complete annihilation. As her arrival brought catastrophe to the island, only her journey to find home can set everything right.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Amanda improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Amanda is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to touring Ben & Jerry's today's college, which is actually at a college I've never toured before! Woo-hoo!

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!! :)