April 30, 2014

Would You Read It #131 - You're A Pest, Betsy Thumbslurp! (Early Ch.)

For all the links to the fantastic entries in the Illustration Contest, please go HERE!  Really!  Please go!

So here's the thing.

As you well know, if you spend any time at all around this blog, I am prone to the occasional hare-brained scheme.

Sometimes these schemes get planned a bit in advance.  Other times they are done completely on the fly.  And still other times I THINK they're planned and then I realize I've omitted a petite detail.

My current hare-brained scheme is the First Ever Pretty Much World Famous Illustration Contest and it falls into category #3:  I THOUGHT it was planned, but oops! there was that darned detail! - the detail being that WYRI is scheduled so far in advance that I already had people lined up through June when I thought up this particular harebrained scheme, so we're having to take a little break from the contest today.

Therefore, even though we will all be intently focused on Janet's pitch today, I want to make sure everyone keeps visiting the fabulously talented illustrators and encouraging all their friends and relations to do so as well even though that post is no longer at the top of the blog, okay?!!  Because they worked so hard, and did such an amazing job, and everyone should go admire their talent and creativity!

And now you may have Something Chocolate!!!  (That is not bribery, it's just good sense.)

Recipe HERE at Rock Recipes

Today's pitch comes to us from Janet who says, "Hi. My name is Janet Pamela Noble. I’m 49 years young, have 1 husband (so far), 2 cats, 3 children and have spent the last 20 or so years promoting a love of books and reading as a children’s librarian. When I’m not blogging about my favourite children’s books I love to write my own."


Contact me at:
Twitter: @jampamnoble
Here is her pitch:

Working Title: You're A Pest, Betsy Thumbslurp!
Age/Genre: Early Chapter Book (ages 6-8)
The Pitch: Poor Coco. Her comfy world of cuddles and cake (all shapes, all sizes but preferably pink!) is turned upside down by the arrival of her thumb sucking, slurping, burping, pooing, shrieking, pampered baby sister, Betsy...

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Janet improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in August so you've got a little time to polish up your pitches and send yours for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Janet is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to telling you all who the finalists for the illustration contest are tomorrow!  I can't wait to spill the beans :)  And then you all will have the chance to vote for you favorite and we'll see who wins!  So exciting!!!

Have a wonderful Wednesday, everyone!


Reactions:

53 comments:

  1. Best laid plans of mice and writers, eh? ;) That chocolate "something" looks incredible!

    I think Janet's pitch is off to a great start but it feels like something is missing...and "and" or "but" followed by a little but more which tells us about the true big issue within the birth of the sibling or a resolution. I would read it though. Good luck with it, Janet! :)

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  2. This_Kid_Reviews_Books_ErikApril 30, 2014 at 7:35 AM

    Awesome! Chocolate thingy! ;)


    I'd read the book. The pitch is good to me, but the book sounds more like a picture book. Maybe add a bit more about the plot to show more of the story? I think it's good to have an early chapter book on this subject because most are picture books. :)

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  3. Dear me that chocolate bribery - erm - delight has me drooling like Coco's pest Betsy.


    And I am intrigued by the pitch though, as Teresa Robeson commented, it seems there's more that should be there to round the pitch out.

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  4. Yes, I would read it. I think the premise is great, and the pitch has a strong start. I wanted a little more though and was left wondering about the stakes. Maybe adding a sentence about the plot would help. Great job, Janet!

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  5. This pitch sounds like a picture book pitch and I would read this as a picture book. The pitch seems a bit short for an early reader, what happens that will sustain a longer work?

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  6. Yum on the chocolate confection, Susanna~
    And yum on your story, Janet! I would definitely read it. Your pitch is great and tight, but you might want to add another sentence to give us an idea of how Coco will resolve her problem.
    When Coco's comfy
    world of cuddles and cakes...of all shapes and sizes but preferably pink...is turned upside down by the arrival of her thumb sucking, slurping, burping, pooing, shrieking, pampered baby sister, the (descriptive words that tell us what kind of girl Coco is) first-grader (or whatever grade she is in) must (a clue about what she does).

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  7. Yes I would read it. The pitch is funny and contains cake and lets me know that it deals with that sometimes awful time when the much loved older sibling must share the limelight with a new sibling. I want to know where this is going so it has caught my interest. I like the description of the baby and think the title is catchy. Also it contains cake(did I mention that?)

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  8. I want to read it, so YES, BUT I wonder why having a sister would prevent her from having cake? It might be the wording. Her world of cuddles and cake gone? Hmm...I think it needs another sentence or two to give more detail of WHY she's worried her life might be disrupted.

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  9. I think I gain a pound every time I look at this picture. :-)

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  10. Yes, I would read it. I love the title and the fun words in the description. I'm intrigued by the character. I think you've already received good input on maybe telling a little more about the story. Great job!

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  11. I think the pitch needs a bit more expanding/detail. Maybe it needs to eat a slice of that decadent cake and "gain weight." ;)

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  12. I can't even look at the cake without raising my blood sugar! As to the pitch, yes I would read it but I do question it as an EC. And as many have pointed out, I'd like a bit more about the solution, just a hint.

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  13. Thanks to your fb post this morning, I am now sitting here warming frozen butter in my hand for the cake I felt compelled to make. But there is no chocolate in it. Thought I'd let you know before you bought a plane ticket out here, Susanna!

    I would read it, Janet, based on the title alone. I love the sounds and images you've 'mixed in'. But the beginning of the pitch threw me off as to the mc - maybe bring Betsy to the forefront? And do add a pinch of what she plans to do about it. A whipped-up suggestion:

    Betsy's arrival has turned poor Coco's comfy world of cuddles and cake upside down. Her thumb sucking, slurping, burping, pooing, shrieking, pampered baby sister has mixed up the familiar flavors of family life. Coco concocts a perfectly pink recipe to serve up just desserts.

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  14. You've done a great job describing the theme and setting the mood. Add a sentence or two with the same succinct language to set up the plot more specifically. And don't be afraid to add how Coco resolves it or what she learns. Great job!

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  15. Thanks so much for your helpful suggestions for Janet, Joanne!

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  16. I'm pretty sure that cake with no chocolate in it is not technically cake, Julie, but I hope you enjoy your baked concoction :) Thanks for the warning about the plane ticket, but I'm actually a pretty equal opportunity dessert consumer. Whatever you have will be delightful :) See you in a while :) Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Janet, and your pitch rewording!

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  17. Some of those layers are meringue, which as you know is made of egg white which is pure protein. It's all in how you look at it, Linda :) Thanks so much for your comments for Janet!

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  18. I'm pretty sure that cake would be beneficial to most every situation, Nancy. Thank you for pointing that out :) And thanks for your thoughts for Janet!

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  19. Thanks so much for your positive comments for Janet, Cheryl, I know she will be pleased :)

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  20. It's only a virtual pound. It doesn't count :)

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  21. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts for Janet, Sallianne!

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  22. Thank you for your helpful thoughts for Janet, Cecilia! And I'm so glad someone besides me is easily influenced by mentions of cake :)

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  23. Thank you for your very helpful suggestions for Janet, Vivian! And by all means, help yourself to cake :)

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  24. Excellent question, Sue. Thank you for your thought-provoking comments for Janet!

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  25. Thank you so much for your helpful thoughts for Janet, Erin!

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  26. Enjoy the chocolate delight, Angela :) And thanks so much for your comments for Janet!

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  27. Good point, Erik! Thanks for your thoughts for Ms. Noble and enjoy the chocolate thingy (which is technically a chocolate meringue layer cake - YUM! :))

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  28. I think you should make it, Teresa, and then invite me over. The recipe is right underneath and contains the word ganache which I believe automatically makes it decadent and delicious! :) Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Janet!

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  29. I agree with the previous commenters. I'd love another sentence with a hint of what Coco does about this problem baby... Mostly because I'm DYING to know! I would definitely read this! Good luck.

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  30. Janet Pamela NobleApril 30, 2014 at 2:13 PM

    Thanks Joanne.

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  31. Janet Pamela NobleApril 30, 2014 at 2:16 PM

    Thanks for the suggested reworking, Julie. Kinda feel Betsy is pretty out there - she's in the title!

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  32. Janet Pamela NobleApril 30, 2014 at 2:17 PM

    Thanks Linda. A theme does seem to be developing...

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  33. Janet Pamela NobleApril 30, 2014 at 2:30 PM

    Thanks Vivian.

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  34. Janet Pamela NobleApril 30, 2014 at 2:30 PM

    Good point.I think I need to expand the pitch to mention that, due to the arrival of Betsy, Coco's parents forget to celebrate her birthday/ cut her birthday cake ( see below for visual confirmation!)

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  35. Janet Pamela NobleApril 30, 2014 at 2:32 PM

    Thanks Sue.

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  36. Janet Pamela NobleApril 30, 2014 at 2:32 PM

    Thank Erin. Defo need to up to ante!

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  37. Janet Pamela NobleApril 30, 2014 at 2:34 PM

    Thanks Angela.

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  38. Janet Pamela NobleApril 30, 2014 at 2:38 PM

    Thanks Erik. To be honest I adapted the pitch from the blurb below , but as many have rightly pointed out, I need to focus on writing a pitch that can stand alone.

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  39. Janet Pamela NobleApril 30, 2014 at 2:39 PM

    Thanks Teresa.

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  40. Janet Pamela NobleApril 30, 2014 at 2:42 PM

    Thank you too, Susanna, for hosting this discussion. It has been really encouraging to receive such constructive feedback.

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  41. It's my pleasure, Janet! I'm so glad if it's been helpful! Everyone here is wonderful, aren't they? :)

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  42. I'm with you, Genevieve! I'm dying to know too! Thanks for your comments for Janet :)

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  43. You have a plan! I am so impressed. I am the antithesis of planning. :P

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  44. YUM to the cake.


    Yay for children's librarians! I agree about a little more of the plot and I would reduce the adjectives by a couple, I think. I Love the title and Coco's name!

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  45. I don't have a life plan or a work plan, just a dessert plan :)

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  46. Hope you enjoy the cake, Joanna :) And thanks so much for your comments for Janet!

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  47. Janet Pamela NobleMay 1, 2014 at 5:50 AM

    Thanks Genevieve.

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  48. Janet Pamela NobleMay 1, 2014 at 5:50 AM

    Thanks Joanna. Yes. I do love a good adjective but some times less is more!

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  49. COMMENT POSTED FOR CHARLOTTE:

    Many young readers (and two of my grandchildren!) are drawn to a new- baby-in-the-house story, but I’m left wondering what specific problem(S) Betsy’s arrival has created for Coco. This is where kids would make their own connections! Do Coco’s parents play a role in the story?

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  50. Janet Pamela NobleMay 2, 2014 at 8:10 AM

    Er, Betsy is pampered by the parents causing Coco to feel unloved, ignored, neglected etc. It is a conventional sibling rivalry story updated with some scatological humour!

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  51. Janet Pamela NobleJune 6, 2014 at 12:51 PM

    Hi all. Thought you might like to know that You’re a Pest, Betsy Thumbslurp! Turner, is now in the Amazon Kindle Store at http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=node%3D341689031&field-keywords=you%27re++pest+betsy+Thumbslurp
    for the colossal price of $4.30!
    To whet your appetites read the first chapter for FREE at
    http://janetpamelanoble.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/betsy-thumbslurp-1stchapter.pdf



    Enjoy!

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