August 21, 2013

Would You Read It Wednesday #101 - Cartwheel Queen (PB) PLUS The July Pitch Pick!

Next year I would like someone to remind me in June that August is an insane month and I should plan NOTHING!

Since I forgot this year, I'm in over my head.  And that's with only one regular blog post per week!  I am seriously hoping that things are going to settle down and get more organized when school starts.  Otherwise I shall have to check myself into a home! :)

So quick, darlings, everyone help yourself to more of Coleen's goodies - Peanut Butter Rice Krispie treats today (please note the luscious chocolate drizzle which qualifies them as our Something Chocolate!)
Photo copyright Coleen Patrick 2013 used by permission
YUM!  And totally breakfast because they've got the word Rice Krispie right in the title!  You really cannot argue with that :)

And now let's get right down to business!

First, we've got the July Pitch Pick.  Our brave pitchers have taken all your excellent advice to heart and revised their pitches to the best of their abilities.  Here are the choices:

#1 Lisa
That Tommy Thompson (PB ages 5 and up)
Just a girl???? Abigail Richmond was not about to let "that" Tommy Thompson ruin her day. In fact, she has just enough confidence combined with a dash of sass that allows her to prove she can do anything she puts her mind to, just like some other famous women in history. Luckily, she also has the smarts to know what she shouldn't do. 

#2 Rachel
The Curse of The Shattered Sceptre (Chapter Book/MG)
After accidentally unleashing a torrent of curses, Ollie and his Book Club buddies must use their wits and imagination to unravel a series of twisted clues. In a race against time, will the boys mend the shattered sceptre, restoring the balance of nature, or will they be cursed forever? 

#3 Angela
Fable Ranger (MG)
Swept away in a storm of rose petals, twelve-year-old Case lands in a world of make-believe, chosen by the book of Lorealia as the new Fable Ranger. But in a realm where Prince Charming always saves the day, she’s dismissed…just for being a girl. Proving bravery comes in all packages, Case ventures off to reverse the evil Dovetail’s enchantments. He’s unbalanced magic and forced the Red Rose Bounds to shut down. Unless Case completes the tasks to set magic right, she’ll remain trapped in a spiraling happily-never-after or worse, captured by Dovetail himself.

#4 Vivian
The Tomato Turner Gets A Job (PB ages 4 and up)
The annual summer bike relay is only two weeks away,  but no matter how many times Peter counts the money in his piggy bank, it’s still not enough to buy the new bike he needs to join his best friend’s team. Peter must find a way to earn more...fast! Mixing Gardener’s Gold is not the best smelling job – but his piggy bank IS getting heavier - if only he could stop breathing or make the manure smell better.

I know it's a tough choice (as always!) but please choose the pitch you think deserves a read by editor Erin Molta and cast your vote by 11:59 PM EDT Sunday August 25.

Thank you so much for voting!

Now!  Onward! :)

Today's pitch comes to us from Carrie who says, "My passion for picture books and literacy began while studying to be an elementary teacher.  I took a break from teaching this past school year to immerse myself into writing full-time.  I guess you could say I finally figured out what all the brain babble was for!  
You can find me on my blog site Carrie On... at www.carriecharleybrown.com or follow me on Facebook www.fb.com/carrie.brown.56614#, Twitter @carriebrowntx, or You Tube https://www.youtube.com/user/carriecharleybrown"

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Cartwheel Queen
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-6)
The Pitch: After learning how to do a cartwheel, Queen Carina begins her rule over Cartwheelandia. Cheers and cartwheels explode through the crowd, but stop short with Carina’s heart-broken little brother.  In an effort to restore peace to the kingdom, Queen Carina does all she can to help Caden train to be the greatest Cartwheel King that ever lived.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Carrie improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in September so we could really use some new pitches!  Send yours for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Carrie is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to something so wonderful you won't even believe it!!  We are expecting a new grandbaby and he or she is due to be delivered TOMORROW!!!  Next time you see me I'll be a grandmother again... or a grandfather :)  Meanwhile, hoping all will go smoothly with the delivery and that this little one will be as healthy and wonderful as his or her big sister!

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone! :)

Reactions:

70 comments:

  1. Cartwheelandia! I am intrigued by this place! I think the pitch is a little confusing though. Is the queen a child or an adult with a much younger brother? And do all people have to do cartwheels there or is it just a royal requirement? I think these things need to be explained- briefly. Otherwise it sounds like a fun story idea and I would definitely read it!
    Susanna- I hope things slow down for you soon!

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  2. Susanna! You will be a Grandmother weather it is a boy or a girl.Never a Grandfather. Silly you.


    I will take two of those Rice Kris-pie treats, please.


    And as far as the pitch: It is a cute premise but needs to be more developed. Does being a cartwheel Queen mean that only she can do cartwheels? and that is why she must help her brother or make the conflict a little more evident here. There isn't enough meat in this pitch.


    I voted! Thanks so much for this before breakfast of chocolate pie treat. I"m getting my coffee.

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  3. Congratulations on your impending grandchild, Susanna!!! And yes, I think you should always take August off. It's nice to complete go offline for a short bit.

    Voted! What fun those stories are.

    Because I love cartwheels, I enjoy Carrie's pitch and would read it...but I agree with both Clarike and Iza's assessments. I was also thrown by the brother potentially becoming the King while his sister is Queen...is this Egypt where siblings marry?! LOL!

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  4. Congratulations, Susanna! How exciting that must be :)


    Those treats look yummy, and I know what you mean about busy months - blogging is definitely hard to get to.


    I like Carrie's pitch and would love to read it. Like the others, I found a few things confusing. I assume Caden is her little brother, but then his name should be present right away. Plus, I wasn't sure what happens at the parade to break his heart, or how this affects the entire kingdom.

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  5. so many choices... only one vote - totally unfair!
    and yeah, August is crazy! I cut back to one post a week and even that is too much.
    Cartlandia... just didn't click with me. I agree with the others... I think a bit more development of the idea, and make it less confusing about how kings/queens etc are chosen.

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  6. Rachel SchieffelbeinAugust 21, 2013 at 9:41 AM

    I think that sounds super cute, Carrie! I'd totally read it. :)

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  7. I love cartwheels, so I would read the story!

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  8. Gosh--SO hard to choose on those pitches! And I can't concentrate with a chocolate-covered Rice Crispy treat in front of me. But I shall push onward...;-)


    I'd read the picture book--I'm intrigued with a land called Cartwheelandia and think little kids would find that concept very appealing. But yes, I think the set-up needs to be about HOW a King and Queen is chosen. And then the story--which would be the conflict--would follow. Also, I love the name Carina, but think Caden might be taking the alliteration too far. I sometimes think the unexpected is funnier. A name like Bubba, for instance. :-)

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  9. And I can barely make it to blogs once a week. I'm swamped too! But I voted.

    Carrie, your book idea sounds cute, but the pitch raised a few questions for me. Why is Carina's brother heartbroken? Can he not to a cartwheel? Is he sad about all the attention Carina is getting? I'm not clear.


    Also, the "after learning how to do a cartwheel" doesn't add much. What if you deleted that in favor or fleshing out Cartwheelandia. I'd love to hear more about this kingdom that Carina rules. What happens there? Just give us a taste.


    This sounds like a wonderful sibling story. Good luck with it!

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  10. Best of luck and smooth sailing for the mommy-to-be...and congrats to you, Susanna!!!
    Yes, that Rice Krispie treat is DEFINITELY breakfast material...seconds, please!
    You are a dear to continue on with Pitch Pick, even though you are so busy...I've cut back (because of the moving stuff) to LESS than one blog a week...and I know what you mean about that being too much.:)
    Carrie...I LOVE your Cartlandia story idea...and I, too, would like a little clarification in the pitch...why is the little brother heartbroken (because he doesn't know how to do cartwheels yet? - because he isn't king yet?)...and will they reign together as brother and sister or is she just holding the crown for him temporarily until he is old enough? But I would definitely read the story!

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  11. God luck to all the pitchers!
    I was a cartwheel queen so of course I'd read it! I can't tell if their world and the crowd is real or imaginary, so I am not sure how dire the little brother's need to be just as good is.

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  12. Congrats, Susanna, on your impending grandbaby!

    I voted--good pitches this month.



    As for today's pitch, I also loved the setting of Cartwheelandia! But, like others, I wasn't really sure what the story involved. I think it's a little girl who calls herself the queen of this place, her little brother feels left out, and then the kingdom (her family/parents) doesn't run smoothly, so the little girl finds a way to make him the king of this made-up place. But, I could be completely wrong. I'd like to know if it's all in her head, like Ladybug Girl, or if it's actually happening. A few tweaks and this could be great. Good luck, Carrie!

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  13. Hi Carrie, you have an interesting idea. However right now it isn't quite working for me. I understand the desire to do cartwheels like everybody else, especially your older sibling. However the whole Queen and kingdom stuff confuses me a bit. I had many of the same questions the others raised. Good luck.

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  14. Carrie, I love the title for this book! This is such a cute plot. I was one who struggled to learn how to do cartwheels as a kid so I can relate.

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  15. Deborah Holt WilliamsAugust 21, 2013 at 1:02 PM

    Susanna, are you turning cartwheels yet? You will be such a fun grandma! I'm "the book Nana," sending books to my little Charlie and Olivia quite often, and I bet you will be, too.
    Carrie, the word "Cartwheelandia" is clever but it doesn't flow of my tongue well. But, the theme of a girl helping her brother is so nice! I recently watched an on-line pitch event for WordOnCon with agent Danielle Smith, and she likes books where siblings are kind to each other. You might tighten up the pitch a bit--does peace need to be restored because her brother's being heartbroken has disturbed the peace? It wasn't crystal clear, like a pitch needs to be. But it sounds like a terrific story! Good luck with this!

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  16. I'd read it. The idea is simple and sounds perfect for something children could relate too. Like others have said the pitch is slightly confusing. Why is the brother broken hearted? I think with a bit of clarification this could be really good though :)

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  17. Yes to cartwheels-- and I like the idea that she helps her little brother--very sweet.
    And a big (chocolate covered) YAY for a new grandbaby! Congratulations, Susanna.:)

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  18. Susanna! Big congrats on the new grandbaby! I can't believe you are even old enough to be a grandma, you look so young!

    As for the pitch, I love cartwheels and think my kids would gravitate to a book about them. The one question I had was about the brother and why he had a broken heart. I think either explain it a little if it is important to the story or leave it out of the pitch. Otherwise, great job!

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  19. A new grandbaby? Celebrations and congratulations! I love being the Grammy. Enjoy!
    Carrie, I love the title and concept. Love that the older sis helping her brother, aww! I also am not a fan of the word, Cartwheelandia. I can't tell if this is a fairy tale or set back in time of kings & queens or just 2 kids pretending. Clarify a bit more and YES I would read it.

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  20. Congrats on the new grandbaby! Love that the whole girl/boy thing is still a mystery. But sure his/her future love-o-chocolate is written in stone!

    A cute premise, Carrie! I agree with the clarity issues, especially 1) why Caden's heartbroken and 2) how both kids could rule. I'd also love to know some of the chaos he causes. That could make the pitch really fun!

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  21. Wow, tough choice for July Pitch Pick, good luck all!



    Carrie, your pitch is super cute and sounds like a fun read. I can't think of a single thing to add. Well done!! I can see her as the Queen and brother as the King. It's all about the CROWN!. :D My kids play mommy and daddy to their dolls and stuffies. :D



    Awww, congratulations Susanna!!! I think grandparenthood must be the best. All the cuddly baby love and cute baby shopping without the late nights. Or if you're helping out just a few late nights. :D ENJOY!!!!

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  22. Thanks so much for your thoughts for Carrie, Iza! And everything that is going on is GOOD, but very busy :)



























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  23. I know it, Clar :) I'm just fooling with you :) Help yourself to the treats, and thanks so much for your comments for Carrie!

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  24. Thank you, Teresa! I'll let you know when I have details :) I would love to take August completely off-line... maybe September too :)... but it's hard! Thanks for voting and for your helpful comments for Carrie!

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  25. Thank you, Tonja, it IS exciting! I will share when I have news :) Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Carrie!

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  26. I know, Sue - it's always such a hard choice! Thanks for voting and for your two cents for Carrie. I'm right there with you on the blogging - I'm wondering how I kept up three a week last summer!



























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  27. Thanks so much for chiming in, Rachel! :)

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  28. It does sound fun, doesn't it Kirsti? Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts for Carrie!

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  29. Thank you for voting and for your comments for Carrie, Cathy! And help yourself to the rice krispie treats! Bubba :) I like that :)



























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  30. I can't believe you got to interview an astronaut, Kirsten - so cool! There just isn't enough time for everything, is there? And when it's a choice between interviewing astronauts and blogging, I don't think there's much of a choice :) Thanks so much for your very helpful comments for Carrie!

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  31. Thank you so much, Vivian! I'm excited, but also a little anxious until it's all over and done with - I know you understand that! :) Help yourself to multiple rice krispie treats - you need your strength with all that moving! I'm so dreadfully behind I haven't even responded to your email yet... but I will! Thanks so much for your very helpful thoughts for Carrie!

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  32. Thanks, Julie! And now Phyllis says she would like to see a video of you cartwheeling! :)

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  33. Thanks for your very helpful comments for Carrie, Pam, and for your good wishes and for voting! I'll share the grandbaby news when I have it :)

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  34. Grandfather? LOL Congratulations! I like Carrie's pitch. It sounds like a really cute book.

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  35. Thanks so much for your insights for Carrie, Darshana!

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  36. Thanks so much for chiming in for Carrie, Heather! :)

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  37. Well, you never know Catherine :) Thanks for your enthusiasm for Carrie - I'm sure she'll appreciate it!



























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  38. I would be turning cartwheels if I were able, Deborah! :) As it is, they're rather lopsided :) And I am totally the book nana - my poor step-daughter will have to add a wing to the house :) Thanks so much for your very thoughtful comments for Carrie!


























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  39. Thanks for your thoughtful comments for Carrie, Sian!

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  40. Thanks so much, Coleen - for your comments for Carrie, your delicious treats (2nd week in a row :)) and your congrats! I am excited and will share news here when I have some :)

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  41. Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Carrie, Amy! As for the grandma thing, I totally cheated :) I have a step-daughter :)

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  42. I am so excited for you, Susanna! Wonderful news! I love the "grandmother/grandfather" thing! Cute!


    Colleen's yummy treats are calling my name!


    I think the vote for the July pitch has been the hardest yet for me! They were really great!


    Carrie, your story sounds fun and imaginative. I would read it. I agree that it would be nice to have more of taste of the kingdom.

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  43. Thanks so much, Linda! I'm so excited :) And thanks for your helpful comments for Carrie!

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  44. Thanks, Stacy! and yes, boy or girl it's bound to be both chocolate-loving and book-loving! ) Thanks so much for your thoughts for Carrie!

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  45. Thanks so much for your comments for Carrie, Meg - very helpful! And thanks too for the congrats :) We are so looking forward to our new grand baby and in this case it's pretty much all the fun. I'm technically the step-grandmother, so between three sets of grandparents there's plenty of help :)

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  46. Thanks for the congrats and the voting and the comments for Carrie, Penny! We are so excited! Less than a day to go now! :)

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  47. This_Kid_Reviews_Books_ErikAugust 21, 2013 at 5:53 PM

    Congrats Ms. Hill! :D I'm just a little confused with the grandfather part... ;)
    The pitch pick was hard to pick... :)
    I would read the book. It sounds cute. Why are the kids King/Queen? Why not Prince/Princesses?

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  48. It's August??! Aww...crapplesauce. I could've sworn it was just July.
    Great pitches everyone! For Carrie's pitch, maybe something defining "does all she can." Pick a few words that tell us more about the story.

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  49. We played 'Olympics' as kids - I was Olga Korbut!

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  50. Thank you, Erik! And let me explain... if it's a girl, I'll be a grandmother, but if it's a boy, I'll be a grandfather :) Thanks for voting and for your comments for Ms. Brown!

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  51. Thanks for your comments for Carrie, Lauri! And I'm seriously going to have to steal "crapplesauce" :)

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  52. Congratulations on the new grandbaby-to-come. That is such awesomesauce news!!


    As for today's pitch, I do love seeing kiddos do cartwheels, so that would intrigue me to read the story. However, I paused when it got to the brother...mainly because I didn't link the heartbreak with peace or no peace in Cartwheelandia (that is such an adorable name!) If that can be clarified a bit, that would be great.

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  53. Genevieve PetrilloAugust 21, 2013 at 10:03 PM

    I like the pitch, and would not only love to read it, but would love to see the illustrations, which I'm sure would be action packed and lots of fun. I'm unsure of why there is not peace in the kingdom, just because the brother can't do a cartwheel. I think I need a clearer picture of the actual problem...

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  54. Carrie Charley BrownAugust 21, 2013 at 10:04 PM

    Thank you so much for the feedback, everyone! This was a tough pitch to write because it is a super simple topic and I don't want to give the resolution or twist away completely. Here are the basics...maybe you can help: Problem: Queen Carina announces that everyone must do a cartwheel to enter the pretend kingdom of Cartwheelandia. Caden cannot do a cartwheel, so in order to keep the peace, Carina helps him learn how. As a reward, she passes her throne to him in the end and moves on to her next goal as a jump roping jester. Thanks for your help!

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  55. And thank you, Susanna, for being so generous to feature this today!

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  56. Thanks, Genevieve! You are right, this story relies on the illustrations to paint the pretend world, too. It is really just a backyard/garage scene...but Carina is so proud of herself that she dubs herself queen after achieving a cartwheel. One bawling little brother can cause quite a ruckus in an agreeable kingdom. :)

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  57. Sorry I'm late. Yes, I'd read the book. I liked the pitch, especially with further explanations about the backdrop from Carrie. My mind was in a kingdom at first.
    Congratulations on the new grandbaby!

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  58. I like your pitch Carrie. The story sounds really cute and I know my daughters would love it as they are always cartwheeling around the place. I can imagine there would be some great illustrations to go with your story.

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  59. Opps I forgot to say "Congratulations on becoming a grandma again, Susanna." Hope all goes well.

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  60. I would definitely read it! I think that this is a great concept, and I have had the pleasure of reading the fantastic manuscript! I know it will land someday- Good Luck, Carrie! :D

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  61. And Congrats, Susanna! :)

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  62. Thanks so much for your comments for Carrie, Elaine! Lucky you - got to read the story! :)

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  63. Thank you, Rachel! I'm happy to say she's safely here :)

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  64. Thanks so much for your comments for Carrie, Rachel! :)

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  65. You're helpful comments are appreciated and welcome no matter when you post them, Pat! Thanks so much! And thanks for the congrats :) The baby is safely here and she is perfect and sweet! :)



























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  66. You are so welcome, Carrie! Thank you for being brave enough to put your work out there for all of us to discuss and learn from! :)

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  67. Thanks so much for your comments for Carrie, Genevieve! I agree - I can totally imagine wonderful illustrations for this story :)


























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  68. Thanks so much, Angela, for your comments for Carrie and for the congrats :) I'm happy to say the baby is safely here and she's perfect :)

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