March 27, 2013

Would You Read It Wednesday #81 - The Adventures Of Tomato And Pea (Chapter Book)


Happy Would You Read It Wednesday, Everyone!

I'm up to my ears this week, so just you watch how succinct I am today.  It will be a lesson in brevity! (I can hear you!  Stop that snickering.  I can be brief - I'll prove it! :))

Since this weekend is Easter, our Something Chocolate today shall be Rabbit Hole Cupcakes! :)
photo credit Stacy S. Jensen used by permission
Yum!

Now... (brevity in action...)

Today's pitch comes to us from none other than This Kid Erik!  Eleven-year-old Erik plans to eventually take over the world. Right now he's a bit too young, so he is spending time as a fifth grade student, book review blogger and hopeful writer.  Erik blogs at This Kid Reviews Books.

Working Title: The Adventures Of Tomato And Pea
Age/Genre: Chapter Book (ages 7 and up) - intended as the first of a series.
The Pitch: For years the evil villain Wintergreen has tried to destroy super crime-stopper, Tomato, and his sidekick, Pea, and take over planet Oarg. In a plan gone wrong, Wintergreen and his gang tangle with Tomato and his friends in a runaway rocket ship that crashes on a strange planet called EAR-TH. Follow this brawling bunch of aliens as they try to get along, survive all the dangers on the strange planet, and find a way to get back to Oarg.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Erik improve his pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in June so polish up your pitches for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Erik is looking forward to your thoughts on his pitch!  I am looking forward to jelly beans... and chocolate :)

Have a great day, everyone! :)
Reactions:

71 comments:

  1. I am SO excited to be on Would You Read It! I would like some jellybeans and chocolate too! ;) I have school today, so I'll make sure to read everyone's comments when I get home! :D Thank You!!!

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  2. I'm excited to have you on WYRI today! I'm sure you'll have lots of helpful comments awaiting when you get home :)

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  3. Tomato and Pea. That is one veggie-tastic duo.I'd have to say that I would read it. It sounds interesting to take the enemies and force them into an unfamiliar situation where it sounds like learning to work together would be the only way they can figure out how to get back home. Talk about the conflict that can come from that :-)

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  4. I like how you come at the pitch from the bad guy's angle. And all the action words in there keep it moving. Definite read it. :)

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  5. I would read it it sounds like the characters are fun and adventurous.

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  6. delores @ thefeatherednestMarch 27, 2013 at 8:44 AM

    This sounds fabulous. I'd love to read it. And now, strangely, I'm thinking of lunch. I wonder if I have a can of peas in the cupboard?

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  7. I would read this for sure! There is a lot of humor in the pitch which interested me right away!


    Yum...thanks for the cupcakes! That Stacy is a creative cook!

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  8. Wow, the voice in this is amazing! And, it sounds like Erik's got a good plot to boot. Yes, I would read it. Looking forward to reading your novels someday!

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  9. You're mean Susanna, teasing us with those cupcakes!

    Yes, I would read. It sounds like a funny story, Erik. Mixing humor and aliens is always good! Perhaps the pitch could be tightened a bit. Maybe incorporate much of the first sentence into the second?

    In a plan gone wrong, the evil/villain Wintergreen tangles with super crime-stopperTomato and his sidekick Pea in a runaway rocket ship that crashes on a strange planet called EAR-TH. Follow this brawling bunch of aliens as they try to get along, survive the dangers and find a way home to planet Oarg.

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  10. I love veggies, I love aliens - what's not to like about a story that combines both. I would read it!

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  11. Stacy's cupcakes look droolicious! I never got around to making them on Monday so may have to make them tomorrow. Mmmm.

    Eric is a wunderkind! I know several kids who want to write, but I've not seen the type of dedication and savvy that Eric demonstrates.

    Yes, I would certainly read Eric's "battle of the vegetation"! I like Wendy's shortening of it. If Eric wants to maintain the idea that they'd been fighting for years, he could stick use "Arch-nemesis" or "Arch-enemy" to preface Wintergreen (as in, "When a plan goes awry, Tomato, his side-kick, Pea, and their friends end up with his Arch-nemesis Wintergreen and his henchmen in a runaway rocket ship that crashes on a strange planet called EAR-TH."


    I also suggest something like "Now these perennial enemies must learn to work together to survive all the dangers on...(etc)"



    Really adorable premise!

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  12. Yes, I would read it. Very creative idea. I really like how Wendy tightened your pitch. But also like some of Teresa's suggestions and play on words may be fun to incorporate. You really got some great advice.

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  13. I'm impressed with the voice in this pitch. I honestly don't have much to add that is different from anyone else. I think the idea of adding arch nemiss would be a great addition and I it sounds like a strong story line.

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  14. I would read it! I'm intrigued by the conflict between the evil villain and the super crime-stopper. I love the idea of them crashing on EAR-TH. How fun! And then I can see the potential for a great story in how they must work together to get back home.

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  15. Yes! I'm intrigued by the runaway rocket ship and brawling bunch of aliens. :)

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  16. I am a definite yes. Who wouldn't enjoy a story with a sidekick Pea? It sounds hilarious.

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  17. Erik, I love the advice you have already received. I would most definitely read it and you built up the anticipation masterfully. I so want to read about the dynamic duo, Tomato and Pea!

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  18. I would most definitely read it! I like that they end up on earth.

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  19. Oh, you'll be surprised! I'm glad you like the names Ms. Brown! :D

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  20. And a side of sliced tomatoes? ;) Thanks! :)

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  21. Thanks Ms. Klostermann! I think I would like to visit Ms. Jensen's house over the holidays... I'd be eating a wonderful feast! :D

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  22. Thanks for the helpful advice Ms. Greenley! :D

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  23. I like the Arch-Nemesis idea! :D Thanks for the advice Ms. Robeson!

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  24. Thanks so much for visiting today to comment on Erik's pitch! It's always nice to see new faces :)

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  25. Thanks for your comments for Erik, Joanna :)

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  26. Maybe Cupcake would like a sidekick :)

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  27. Thanks Ms. Petrillo (and Cupcake!)! :D

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  28. Wow, Erik, you're one talented young man. I'd read it while munching on Stacy's goodies. :-)

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  29. I'd definitely read it. Sounds like such a fun story!

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  30. Yes, I'd read it too, adventure and humour sounds good to me! It needs a little tightening up to make it shorter but other than that I think its great.

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  31. Thanks for your helpful comments for Erik, Sian! :)

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  32. I'm sure Erik will be thrilled, Andrea :)

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  33. It's a pretty good combo, isn't it Tracy? A good story and some awesome cupcakes :)

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  34. Thanks for your comments for Erik and your compliments to the chef, Vivian :)

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  35. It certainly makes you want to read more, doesn't it? :)

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  36. Thanks for your helpful and enthusiastic comments, Cheryl :)

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  37. Thanks for your comments for Erik, Cynthia! And I agree... there's something about arch nemesis that sounds very intriguing :)

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  38. Thanks for chiming in with your very helpful opinion too, Pat! :)

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  39. Thanks for your very helpful suggestions for Erik, Teresa! And I agree - he is amazing! :)

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  40. Who knows? It might even convince young readers to eat their veggies :) Thanks for your 2 cents, Sue :)

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  41. Thank you for your wonderful suggestions for Erik, Wendy. I'm sure he will find them helpful. As for the cupcakes, blame Stacy. She made them :)

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  42. Thanks for your enthusiasm, Pam. I'm sure Erik will appreciate it! :)

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  43. Thanks for your comments for Erik, Penny. And I know! Isn't Stacy amazing?

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  44. Forget the peas! Go for the cupcakes! :)

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  45. Thanks for your comments for Erik, India! :)

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  46. I know it - I like that bad guy angle too :) Thanks for coming over, Michelle!

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  47. Veggie-tastic is officially my favorite word of the day! :) Thanks Angela :)

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  48. Yes I would certainly read this. I can just imagine the cover of this story, very bright and eye catching. Loved the tightening advice Wendy and the others have given. Great job Erik, Whoahoo!

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  49. Thanks for chiming in, Diane! So nice to hear your lovely voice back here again after your vacation :)

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  50. Erik's story sounds great. I read the pitch to my 7 year old daughter and she said "I'd like to read that story. Can you get it for me please Mum." I liked how he used runaway rocket ship and brawling bunch of aliens. The story sounds adventurous and the pitch entices you to read more.

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  51. I don't know how I missed this - WAIT - I was sick on Wednesday! I like Wendy G.'s suggestion to tighten the first two lines. But I'd suggest tightening a little more "tangles with super crime-stopping duo, Tomato and Pea,..."Good luck, Erik!

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  52. Stacy's cupcakes inspired my angel food rabbit hole cake for Easter!

    I would read this, or perhaps if I had a son, my son would read it. :)

    This last sentence could be tightened: "... try to get along, survive all the dangers on the strange planet, and find a way to get back to Oarg." I'd like to see specificity - what kind of dangers? Italian chefs? Gum chewing teens? And more emotion around why they have to try to get along now that they are stuck on earth together. Good job, Erik!

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  53. Thanks for your comments for Erik, Lauri! And hope your Easter was happy and your cake delicious :)

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  54. Thanks for your comments for Erik, Julie, and I hope you're feeling much better! :)

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  55. Thanks so much for chiming in for Erik, Rachel - and sorry I somehow missed this until now!

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