August 1, 2012

Would You Read It Wednesday - The 51st Pitch!


Good Morning, my friends!  I hope you are all feeling happy and well today, and full of inspiration and creativity!

I, personally, am back in the car with Jo-Jilly with whom I am not on speaking terms because she decided to give me the silent treatment as I approached our nation's capitol last week.  If you have ever driven in those horrifying belt loops or whatever they call it (especially if, like me, you are not familiar with the area) let me assure you that you do not want to be there without guidance.  Especially at night. In the rain.  When you have been driving for many hours...  So now of course she's all, "In .2 miles turn right into Pennsylvania."  Like that's going to win me back!  But I've been up since 4:30 AM and I'm not feeling that forgiving just yet.  Maybe after I stop at Dunkin' for some coffee (where, by the way, I think I should have a dedicated parking space with my name on it - or maybe Princess Blue Kitty's - since I spend so much time there lately) maybe if she manages to stay civil about departing from the route I'll consider letting her back into my good graces then...  We'll just see...! :)

I think negotiating with your GPS should be an Olympic sport.

Meanwhile, we have important things to do here!  It's time for Something Chocolate (I don't think there's any pretending I won't be having chocolate donuts this morning... I love those little chocolate munchkins :))
O
in case you are wondering, this is my drawing of a chocolate donut since I have no photos!

and Would You Read It!

Today's pitch comes to us from the very talented Randy, who blogs over at Randy Lindsay - Author In Training.  Any of you who aren't familiar with his blog should hop over and take a peek.  He has great writing prompts and often posts samples of his work which are inspiring to read.  He is incredibly creative and has a great sense of humor!  He was my "partner" in Kerri Cuevas's Choose Your Own Adventure last year.  He is also the father of NINE (9)!  Yes.  Really! :)

And come to think of it, he may be only the third person of his gender who has been brave enough to stand up for Would You Read It, so let's give him a round of applause just for that! :)  In addition, he freely admits that picture books are not in his usual wheelhouse...

And now, here's Randy's pitch:

Working Title: Charlie The Chimney Mouse
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 6-10)
The Pitch: Charlie is looking forward to the holiday season when the unthinkable happens. His human family moves away. He does his best to celebrate the holidays on his own, but discovers that it isn't the songs, feasts, and parties that make this time of year special . . . it's the people you share it with. 

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Randy improve his pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in August, which is not very far away at all at this point, so we could really use some new pitches!!

Randy is looking forward to your thoughts on his pitch!

And I am looking forward to finding Ohio, with or without that Jill.  Honestly, it's fairly large.  I should be able to spot it! :)

Have a wonderful day!

Reactions:

53 comments:

  1. Go Jo-Jilly! Sorry Susanna. But ever since I wrote a story about Jo-Jilly, we've kinda connected. *waves to Jo-Jilly*

    I'd read this, Randy. For sure. Sounds like a lovely story about family and the beautiful connections they share. You've encapsulated the book really well, I think. I wonder if you could leave me wanting more. I do want to read it, but I want to be jumping up and down dying to read it. Is Charlie afraid? I mean his people are gone and even though he's a mouse he must be scared. Match the tone of the book. That's always good. Good luck, Randy! Cannot wait to see it on my bookshelf one day soon. (Along with a few of mine.) :-)

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  2. Sure, Randy, I'd read it. Sounds cute. I think u should delete "unthinkable happens" and connect the two with the word "until." Also, that last sentence part hints to the end of the story. That should remain a surprise!

    Susanna, hope you and Jo-Jilly make it to OH! I love the munchkins, too. They have Dunkins all over Korea!

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  3. Susanna...if you ever tire of writing children's books (which I hope you don't), you definitely have a winning career in stand-up comedy...you are HILARIOUS! Thank you for all the smiles you provide. :) Hi Randy...oh yes, I would read this...the character sounds charming and the lesson is one of the most important I can think of to share with kids. :)

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  4. Randy, I second Tina's comments. Without "until" it sounds like the unthinkable always happens at the holidays. I would read this book though. I am always looking for a good holiday story. We wrap up Christmas books and unwrap one a day to count down.

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  5. And, she doesn't think she's funny, Vivian! (the best kind :-)

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  6. Rachel SchieffelbeinAugust 1, 2012 at 11:38 AM

    Yes I'd read it! It sounds really sweet. :) Plus, I love the title. :)

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  7. Susanna you REALLY are very funny! And Randy, your story sounds delightful, though I agree with Robyn to spice the pitch up a bit. Good luck! Can't wait to read it!

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  8. Wow. Thank you for all those wonderful things you said about me. I should hire you as my press agent. : )

    And thanks for letting me participate in Would You Read it.

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  9. Thank you. I wrote this for my family Christmas gathering a few years ago and wanted to highlight the importance of family. I'm glad it shows.

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  10. Thanks for the comments. I'll work on the pitch and see if I can't leave you wanting more.

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  11. Thank you. I guess I better get busy pitching it so you can read it. LOL

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  12. Thanks. I had been worried about the title. I like the title, but didn't know how well it would be received.

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  13. You are right. I should know better to write a pitch without an "Until" in it. Thanks for pointing it out.

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  14. Will do. (Although, the suprise at the end of the story is not mentioned in the pitch.) I appreciate the help.

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  15. Susanna - I think you truly deserve the goldest of all gold medals for your superhuman efforts in scouting out the ideal institution of higher education for an entire summer!! Have you hit all fifty states yet?? ;-)

    Love the pitch - would definitely read this. Great work Randy!

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  16. I agree with others about the pitch--story is the kind I'd read, but something to punch it up would make me grab it sooner :) And Susanna I was laughing out loud at your donut graphic!!

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  17. Penny KlostermannAugust 1, 2012 at 4:51 PM

    I would read it!!!!! There has been good advice for improving it, though. But you had me hooked even as it stands. I love Christmas stories.

    Susanna~safe travels :•)

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  18. Randy, sorry I am late to the party. For some reason this pitch really resonated with me. I felt so sad for Charlie. I would surely want to read this story. It totally worked for me and peaked my interest.

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  19. I immediately went, "Awwwww..." after reading the pitch. So yes, I would certainly read this.

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  20. Thanks, Angela! I'm sure Randy will be glad :)

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  21. There is a reason I do not illustrate my own picture books :)

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  22. I have not hit all 50 yet, but you have inspired me to count how many we have hit... if I remember (which is doubtful in my current stupor :)) I'll tell you in my next post! THanks for your comment for Randy!

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  23. Thank you for wanting to pitch! (And I didn't make anything up! :))

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  24. At least now you can see why I don't illustrate my own books :) ... or like that Jill... who steered my flat out wrong today and is seriously in the doghouse!

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  25. What a totally fun thing to do at Christmas, Kirsten! I think I'll start that tradition... even though my kids are teenagers :) Thanks for your comment for Randy.

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  26. You are too nice, Vivian :) But glad if i gave you chuckle :) Thanks for your comment for Randy.

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  27. THanks for your comment for Randy, Tina! And would you believe it? I couldn't find a Dunkin' this morning (well, I found a couple, but my son was asleep, so I passed by, and then I couldn't find any later) so no breakfast at all. Which made me even less forgiving when Jo-Jilly steered us completely wrong later on. That one is living on the edge!

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  28. Jo-Jilly is pushing her luck today! Thanks for your comment for Randy!

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  29. AWWW! I love it! I would TOTALLY READ IT! In fact, I want to read it right now and make sure I have it on my shelf for the kiddos! Great work Randy! Great pitch!

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  30. Thanks for your enthusiastic comment for Randy, Leigh! :)

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  31. I've awarded you the Blog on Fire Award. Congratulations! Details are here.... http://cupcakepetrillo.wordpress.com/2012/08/02/award-on-fire/
    Love and licks,
    Cupcake

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  32. Susanna, I'm gonna suggest couples counseling for you and Jo-Jilly. Your adventures with your GPS would make a delightful book of anecdotes. Randy, I'm sorry I'm always late to the show. Nevertheless, I would definitely read this book. Learning how Charlie tries to celebrate without his family seems like a great read. I'd love to know how it ends.

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  33. Couples counseling only works when people are SPEAKING to each other! Thanks for your comment for Randy :)

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  34. I would definitely read this....dying to know if Charlie is a dog or cat or hampster.....and if his family comes back for him.

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  35. Susanna, Puffer's Surprise arrived today. Thank you so very much.

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  36. You're welcome, Delores! I'm glad it arrived safely and i hope you enjoy it! :)

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  37. Thanks for you comment for Randy, Delores!

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  38. Yes, I would read it. I like the title, and it sounds like a nice twist on a holiday book. I would love it if the pitch gave just a little hint of the resolution. I think it gives away a little too much of the conclusion/what he learns, and not enough of what he actually does to solve his problem of being lonely at the holidays.

    Also, I'm not sure about the age range? I know lots of 6-10 year olds enjoy reading picture books in addition to longer books, but the upper age range of what I've seen in terms of PB marketing is ages 5-8 (except for a few nonfiction PBs).

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  39. Thank you for the advice, I will keep it in mind as I move forward. And I admit that I don't know anything on the business side of picture books. I just took a stab at the age range. 5-8 sounds good to me.

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  40. He's a mouse. But I won't tell you if the family comes back, you'll have to wait until it comes out. (If it does.)

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  41. I appreciate that. Maybe I better try and get this published. Or at least find someone who can read it and tell me if it's any good.

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  42. You are too funny, Susanna. At first I thought it was your daughter who was supposed to be co-piloting for you, and gave you the silent treatment. I could relate to that because I am a pretty lousy co-pilot. I laughed out loud when I realized you were talking about your GPS. I think we all put too much faith in them, so they are sure to let us down =( Good for you for braving those loops! I'm a complete chicken when it comes to driving in unfamiliar territory. I simply don't do it.

    As to Randy's pitch - it caught my interest. Mostly because the character of a chimney mouse sounds charming for a holiday story. I'm off to click over and check out Randy's site. . .

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  43. I'm a couple of days late (again); sorry, long work week!
    Randy: I too love a good holiday story, & I love that he's not just a mouse but a "chimney mouse; it's piques my interest! It's a charming idea for a story. I agree with Carrie about not giving too much away about the ending with your pitch; leave them wanting to read to find out how Charlie handles his human family leaving him alone for the holidays! :-)

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  44. Thanks for your comment, Dana, and no worries about timing! We're all crazy busy, and it's kind of you to take the time to read and comment whenever you get the chance. I'm sure Randy is still checking back :)

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  45. I'm not an adventurous driver either, but a mom's gotta do what a mom's gotta do :) I must confess though that, with or without a GPS, I do not like riving in unfamiliar cities. I'm fine in New York because I grew up there and I know my way around well - plus it makes sense! - but Boston and DC made me want to go home :) Thanks for your comment for Randy - I too think a chimney mouse sounds so delightful and charming!

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  46. Thank you for your very thoughtful comment for Randy, Carrie!

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  47. Aw! Thank you so much, Genevieve and Cupcake! I'm honored! I'm afraid I'm a bit behind from traveling - my apologies for not responding sooner!

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  48. It shines out like a lighthouse beacon!

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  49. You are right! I love coming to read any of Susanna's posts...I know I will learn so much...but, just as importantly, I smile all the way through. :)

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  50. AW! You guys are making me blush! And giving my battered self-confidence a much-needed boost. It's nice to have friends :)





























    Vivian Kirkfield (unregistered) wrote, in response to Iza:

    You are right! I love coming to read any of Susanna's posts...I know I will learn so much...but, just as importantly, I smile all the way through. :)

    User's website
    Link to comment
    IP address: 184.99.19.78

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