April 4, 2012

Would You Read It Wednesday - The 34th Pitch - And Pitch Pick #7

Batten down the hatches!  I'm about to blow you away with short-windedness!

(As you know, I'm up-to-my-ears busy this week - apparently that's what it takes to get brevity out of me :))

So.  Right down to business!

It's time for our March Pitch Pick.  Here is a little refresher, followed by the poll.  Please vote by Saturday and I'll announce the winner Monday.

#1  Renee

Working Title: Doris And The Scaredy Cats
Age/Genre: Fiction PB ages 4+
The Pitch:  Intrigued by the herd of petrified cats that show up at her door with their little suitcases, Doris is determined to un-petrify her furry new housemates -- despite her family's pleas to send them away before she ends up a scaredy cat, too. Doris will either calm the cats' jitters or make her family's fear come true -- or neither. 


#2  Miranda

Working Title:  Reef Stew
Age/Genre:  Rhyming Picture Book ages 4-8
The Pitch:  When a shipwreck destroys their reef, the shellfish grow selfish and every creature’s a crab.  Can Whale stir up happiness with a single piece of stony coral?  Filled with slurps, burps, and spicy sargassum, this quirky version of a classic tale will send ripples of laughter through any school of young guppies.


#3  Rebecca

Working Title:  Everett
Age/Genre:  YA Paranormal
The Pitch:  Ever since Bria Stone was a little girl, she has had nightmares about shadow-like monsters who claim they're coming to get her. At age six, Bria had another dream, in which a man with glowing skin told her the monsters are real.  When Bria encounters this man - who claims his last name is Everett and that he has no first name - in real life after her nineteenth birthday party, she starts to wonder: if good dreams can come true, does that mean the bad ones can too?


#4  Terri

Working Title:  First Aide For First Grade
Age/Genre: PB
The Pitch:  Mrs Fox is teaching first aide to the class. Charlie doesn't want to listen but his best friend is listening with both ears and it is a good thing. After the lesson, the boys run to the playground to play. Zip, Zap, Zing....and Ouch. Who will help Charlie when he is hurt at recess?


Which of these awesome pitches should go to Erin Molta for her critique?


Now that you've voted for last month's pick, let's check out the first offering from this month!

Today's pitch comes from Delores, who lives in Guelph, Ontario,  She is retired from the  insurance industry and working on her lifelong dream of writing for children and writing poetry.  Her first step in that direction was the creation of her blogs:  The Feathered Nest and Youngish.  Her next step is submitting her pitch :)

Working Title:  Dustin The Dragon
Age/Genre:  Early PB (3-6)
The Pitch:  April's room is VERY dusty but what can you expect when a dust breathing dragon lives in your closet?  Too bad April's mom doesn't believe in dragons, that is, not until Dustin catches a cold.


So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Delores improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  Go ahead and send your pitch for a chance for it to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Delores is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!

For those of you on tenterhooks, Phyllis is currently in Italy, Australia, Vermont, and South Dakota, and possibly somewhere near Prince Edward Island as well.  I am looking forward to sharing more updates with you as they come in.

Ooh!  This just in - last minute addition!  Phyllis has had an awesome visit to Nicky in Australia!!!
Is Nicky an incredible artist or what?!
And that's it!  Pretty short-winded considering everything we just covered!  Now, I'm off to day 2 of school visiting and looking forward to catching up with all of you, hopefully by July :)


Reactions:

65 comments:

  1. I love Phyllis and the Vegemite. That is priceless. I also would love to read Dustin the Dragon. His name is so clever, as is Delores's pitch. The only feedback I have is this: can you rephrase the first sentence to make it a statement instead of a question. When I participated in the Tamson Weston pitch contest, her feedback was to avoid questions in pitches as they sound too aggressive and more like marketing copy. I am trying to delete question marks from my own pitches. It's tough though.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love that, too! The word "vegemite" totally makes me think of that Men At Work song, though - "he just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich" - my age is showing :) Thanks for your input for Delores!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am a Vegemite fan and stock up when I am back in the UK. Nicky did an awesome illustration and post.

    I am a YES for Dustin! And just second Kirsten's advice. Oh, and I remembered to vote!

    ReplyDelete
  4. What does vegemite taste like? Is it sweet? Spicy? Hazlenutty like Nutella? And YES - she did an awesome illustration - I totally love that! Thanks for you input and for voting!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Haha, it is a savory yeast spread, that my French friends say tastes like tarmac!! it has a strong, salty almost bouillon cube flavor, which seems hard to appreciate when you come to it past childhood!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Interesting! But I'm not sure if I would like it :)














    Joanna Marple wrote, in response to Susanna Leonard Hill:

    Haha, it is a savory yeast spread, that my French friends say tastes like tarmac!! it has a strong, salty almost bouillon cube flavor, which seems hard to appreciate when you come to it past childhood!

    Link to comment

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love dragons, and Dustin sounds delightful - I'd definitely read it! I like that the pitch is short but covers everything it should -- but I'd get rid of the questions, too. :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks for your helpful input, Renee!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ha! I'd definitely read this one, and I wouldn't change the pitch at all. :) Nice work, Delores!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Me, too! Lol

    ReplyDelete
  11. I totally get why there is dust all over my house now. "Dustin. Where are you?" I'll look for him after I type. I'm a yes. I like Kirsten's advice too. Nicky's drawing is great (and after reading Joanna's explanation of Vegemite — I'm sticking to my Nutella).

    ReplyDelete
  12. thefeatherednestApril 4, 2012 at 8:09 AM

    Good idea....pencil in hand this very moment. Thanks for your input.

    ReplyDelete
  13. This book totally has my interest, and I can't think of a thing to change about the pitch.

    ReplyDelete
  14. thefeatherednestApril 4, 2012 at 8:10 AM

    Thanks so much Stacy. (I think he might be in my closet too.)

    ReplyDelete
  15. thefeatherednestApril 4, 2012 at 8:11 AM

    Thank you so much Dede. A real confidence booster.

    ReplyDelete
  16. thefeatherednestApril 4, 2012 at 8:11 AM

    Thanks Renee...I am going to work on it.

    ReplyDelete
  17. thefeatherednestApril 4, 2012 at 8:12 AM

    Thank you Joanna.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Penny KlostermannApril 4, 2012 at 8:13 AM

    Good luck to Renee, Miranda, Rebecca, & Terri.

    Delores, I would definitely read your book. That us a really fun premise. Like others have mentioned, remove the question.

    WOW, Nicky, WOW! You're very talented.

    ReplyDelete
  19. thefeatherednestApril 4, 2012 at 8:36 AM

    Thank you Penny.

    ReplyDelete
  20. thefeatherednestApril 4, 2012 at 8:37 AM

    Reena...thank you so much.

    ReplyDelete
  21. She is a fantastic artist. She has talent flowing out of her bones! WOW!
    You can reword that sentence to make it a shiny statement. As it stands now it is just for effect. Make it really stand out. The book sounds great and the second sentence is very good.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I love that illustration! So cute.
    And based on the pitch, I'd pick it up to read!

    ReplyDelete
  23. What a beautiful picture of Phyllis, lovely. Susanna your efforts are an inspiration, good luck with your visits!

    i love that pitch and the story sounds adorable. It's concise and fun. The only thing I can think of is changing can you expect to do you expect.

    Have a great day!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Rachel SchieffelbeinApril 4, 2012 at 11:11 AM

    YES! First, I love dragons, but second, this sounds super cute! I can just imagine what happens when he catches a cold. :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. Well it ain't pretty that's for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Thanks so much...and good suggestion

    ReplyDelete
  27. Much appreciated...thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Thank you, I'm working on it.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Thanks so much...it seems to be the general consensus that the question needs to go.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Phyllis certainly has been one busy ground hog. Doesn't get any better than Austrailia. Great fun!

    I voted.

    Yes, I'd read the story. Liked the pitch. It sounds like there is a lot of humor in the story.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Thanks so much.....it's hard to believe dust can be funny isn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  32. I would! I love dragon stories, and this one sounds unique!

    ReplyDelete
  33. thefeatherednestApril 4, 2012 at 3:44 PM

    thank you Julie

    ReplyDelete
  34. Well, I was on tenterhooks, but glad to know Susanna will soon be importing tins of Vegemite to feed Phyllis's new addiction! (Still prefer Nutella to Vegemite myself)

    Intrigued by the pitch as I believe the dust 'bunny' angle is overworked and prefer to think of dust dragons instead! Hope April takes good care of Dustin!

    ReplyDelete
  35. thefeatherednestApril 4, 2012 at 5:09 PM

    Many thanks, Susanna, for hosting my pitch this week and thanks to all of you for your kind and helpful comments today.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Nicky - love the pic! so cute. my husband (food lover) introduced us to Veggimite and explained this was the word mentioned in the song "Down Under" by Men at Work.

    Terri - yes I would read it as I curious to see what happens when he gets a cold. what exactly do you mean by dust breathing dragon? does he blow dust out instead of fire? I noticed you capitalized VERY, it wasn't clear to me why. Also is there a connection between dust and the dragon catching a cold? I like the name Dustin. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  37. thefeatherednestApril 4, 2012 at 6:49 PM

    April's room gives a whole new meaning to "dusty"...VERY dusty indeed. Dustin does indeed breath dust as opposed to fire which is much safer for your room but hard to keep up with.

    ReplyDelete
  38. thefeatherednestApril 4, 2012 at 6:50 PM

    Only the best corner of the closet for Dustin.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Thanks for your comment, Darshana. And I thought of that same song when I saw the Veggimite!

    ReplyDelete
  40. You're very welcome, Delores! Thank YOU for being brave enough to submit. I hope it's been helpful! :)

    ReplyDelete
  41. Now that Joanna has explained what Vegimite tastes like, I think I would prefer Nutella :) Also, I cannot spell Veggimite... I do it different every time... and so does everyone else :)

    ReplyDelete
  42. i know! I am jealous :) I have never been to Australia and would love to go!

    ReplyDelete
  43. i know, Catherine! I can't believe how clever and creative and totally awesome everyone has been - just truly wonderful! It makes me look forward even more to each new post :)

    ReplyDelete
  44. I was totally impressed with that drawing, Coleen! And thanks for your comment for Delores :)

    ReplyDelete
  45. That picture is amazing, isn't it? I love it! :)

    ReplyDelete
  46. Thanks for voting, Penny! And I totally love that painting too! :)

    ReplyDelete
  47. That's high praise from you, Reena! Thank you for your input!

    ReplyDelete
  48. Thanks for your input, Stacy! And I'm totally with you on the Veggimite/Nutella question :)

    ReplyDelete
  49. So hard to choose! But I did!
    I would read the new pitch! It sounds funny and pretty interesting. I would BUY it! :)
    Great illustration Miss Nicky!
    Erik

    ReplyDelete
  50. YES! Indubitably! I would read and buy.

    I wondered about the question/sentence, but usually you see them at the end of a pitch. I think it would succeed here, being as it's at the beginning.

    I happen to be writing a YA about a dragon right now and my heart goes out to them. The premise is unusual, in my humble opinion. The pitch really grabbed me. Congrats!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Thanks for your input, Sharron. I would read a YA about dragons! That sounds good :)

    ReplyDelete
  52. Thanks for voting, Erik! And I love that illustration Nicky did - she's so talented!

    ReplyDelete
  53. thefeatherednestApril 5, 2012 at 3:02 PM

    thanks Erik, you are a sweetie

    ReplyDelete
  54. thefeatherednestApril 5, 2012 at 3:03 PM

    Yay!! Thanks so much. Sisters of the dragon.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Oh! I LOVE the illustration of Phyllis! I never tried Vegemite in my travels through Australia, Phyllis will have to let us know how it tastes!
    As for the pitch- definitely a yes! That sounds like an adorable story and the pitch was well written. Great idea for a story.

    ReplyDelete
  56. I've never tasted it either, but Joanna described it somewhere in the comments I think as "brown paste, kind of yeasty" - I confess it didn't make me want to rush right out and try it :)

    ReplyDelete
  57. Vivian KirkfieldApril 7, 2012 at 1:19 AM

    Great pitch, Delores...I would definitely want to read more!
    I guess it's time for me to hit the pitch tab and submit one soon.;)
    Love the continuing saga of Phyllis...my daughter did a student ambassador stint down under...I remember her mentioning Vegemite. :)

    ReplyDelete
  58. Thanks for your comment for Delores, Vivian. And yes! Definitely submit :) The next available opening isn't that far away now - early June :) I'm glad you're enjoying Phyllis's tour, and you're a teacher, right? You could make Phyllis dolls from my website and send them places... or think up another fun game :)

    ReplyDelete
  59. Loved the pitch, Delores! It sounds like it will be a funny book, and humor always hooks me. I like the word play with the name and I'd love to know what April's mother's reaction turns out to be. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  60. Thanks so much for your comment for Delores, Rebecca!

    ReplyDelete
  61. Much appreciated...thank you.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Many thanks, Susanna, for hosting my pitch this week and thanks to all of you for your kind and helpful comments today.

    ReplyDelete

I love to hear from you and try to respond to every comment. Please share your thoughts!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...