March 21, 2012

Would You Read It Wednesday - The 32nd Pitch, And A Tour Update, And A Winner!!!

As of yesterday, it is officially spring!  For pretty much the first time I can remember (and please, no comments about senility) it actually feels like spring on March 21st.  We don't have one of these cuties
but the lawn is greening, even up here on the mountain where we are usually two weeks behind the valley.  The lilac bush is unfurling tiny new leaves.  And my Brown Dog spent most of yesterday's romp in a nearby pond looking for all the world like an otter :)

I realize it may not last.  It is only March, and this kind of weather usually doesn't arrive until late April... or late May... !  But boy is it nice while it's here!

Before we get to our Would You Read It pitch for today, we have a couple little items of business.

First, that rascally groundhog Phyllis is in Philadelphia with our friend Erik!  Please hop over and check out his post on Phyllis's visit to the City of Brotherly Love HERE :)

If you didn't get to see her visit to The Land of Living Skies, please check Beth's post HERE.  (It's not every day you get to see a groundhog in a Mountie's hat, and you will love the deal she and Beth struck!)

Tomorrow (Thursday) we will get to hear all about her visit to Nice, France with Joanna, so be sure to check HERE!  As well as her visit with Penny in Abilene, TX (I think there's going to be video footage in this one!) which you can see HERE!

Anyone who wants to browse or catch up, check out Phyllis's World Tour Page on the tab above or click HERE.

I just have to say, I hope you all are having as much fun with Phyllis's tour as I am.  When I came up with this wacky idea, I never dreamed that everyone would be so incredibly enthusiastic and creative and wonderful!  You have all done such an amazing job, and every time I think you can't be any more awesome, you are!  So thank you to everyone who is hosting and posting Phyllis, and to everyone who is reading and commenting and lending their support in other ways.  This tour is only what it is because of you!

Now then, this seems like the perfect moment to announce the winner of Iza's book.  I must say, there were some very entertaining poems in Monday's comments!   Some of them were more entertaining then they were intended to be (Penny!) and we all had a good laugh :)

Everyone who submitted 4 rhyming lines about a bear by 5 PM EDT yesterday had their name fed to random.org.  And the winner of the brand new, hot off the presses, hard cover, signed copy of The Bear Went Over The Mountain, written and illustrated by the fabulous Iza Trapani is............

TERI!!!  (Who has amazing luck with random.org - I believe she won a book giveaway last year too!)

Congratulations, Teri!  Lucky you :)  I hope you enjoy the book.  Please email me and let me know your address and how you'd like the book signed so I can pass the info along to Iza!

And now, the other moment you've all been waiting for, today's pitch!

Today's pitch comes to us from Rebecca, a talented young writer who loves her pony and her friends and who, at 14, is the youngest person to participate in Would You Read It so far.  She does not have a blog or a website (yet!:)) so you'll just have to visit with her here.  Here is her pitch:

Working Title:  Everett
Age/Genre:  YA Paranormal
The Pitch:  Ever since Bria Stone was a little girl, she has had nightmares about shadow-like monsters who claim they're coming to get her. At age six, Bria had another dream, in which a man with glowing skin told her the monsters are real.  When Bria encounters this man - who claims his last name is Everett and that he has no first name - in real life after her nineteenth birthday party, she starts to wonder: if good dreams can come true, does that mean the bad ones can too?

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Rebecca improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  Go ahead and send your pitch for a chance for it to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Rebecca is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!

And I am really looking forward to hearing about what Phyllis got up to in France, and Texas!  Stay tuned...!


Reactions:

66 comments:

  1. You might enjoy this video of a wild otter playing with a dog: http://www.wimp.com/otterdog/

    My answer is a maybe, because though the story sounds very intriguing, the pitch needs some refining, I think. A big confusion for me is how come it is a good dream to have a man tell you the monsters coming after you are real?

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  2. #1 - The horse is so cute (and the grass is so green)!
    #2 - We had TONS of fun with Phyllis!
    #3 - Congrats Teri!
    #4 - I agree with Miss Marple. It would be a "Maybe" because - I agree with all that Miss Marple says about the pitch being confusing. I know the book is WAY too old for me but the dreams being real idea is pretty cool!
    Erik

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  3. I would definitely read this story. Nice work, Rebecca!

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  4. I will definitely have to check out that video, Joanna :) Thanks for your comment for Rebecca!

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  5. Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Dede!

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  6. I love horses (babies or big ones :)) Thank you SO MUCH for having Phyllis - I can tell she had tons of fun with you too!!! And thank you for your helpful comments for Rebecca!

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  7. The pitch needs a little work. And I wonder about the age of Bria. Isn't she too old for YA? (I think so) I was very confused about the dreams. Are they good or bad? It would seem to me that dreams with monsters are really nightmares. Good luck, because the story sounds great. Just work on that pitch. Sharpen it like you sharpened the story. :-)

    That is one cute little sweety, Susanna! Everything here is green and the daffodils are in bloom too. We skipped winter. Just a long fall. I'm ready to swim and trail ride.

    Congrads Teri!

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  8. Thanks for taking the time to comment on Rebecca's pitch, Robyn, and isn't it lively to have spring come early? I think a certain groundhog was right when she didn't see her shadow on Feb. 2 :)

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  9. Lovely horse, isn't the weather gorgeous!

    I like the pitch but I would take out the details of the man between the -

    Congrats Teri! Have a great day Susanna!

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  10. Absolutely would read it....you got me with dreams and monsters. Maybe it needs to be tightened up a little bit but all the good stuff is there.

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  11. Cute photo, love the foal? Is that the right term? haha. I wish spring would stay longer here, too. I can't wait to check out all those links where Phyllis is. Congrats to Teri on the contest!!
    As for the pitch, yes I would read it. I enjoy dream oriented stories and I loved question in the end. My suggestions- maybe cut down on the wording and I would put the sentence, “in real life after her nineteenth birthday party” before Everette is introduced. Great job Rebecca!

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  12. Yes, foal is exactly right :) Is spring coming and going at your house, or do you live in one of those hot places where spring only lasts five minutes and then it's summer? :) Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Rebecca!

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  13. Thanks for your comments, Delores - I'm sure Rebecca will be appreciative!

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  14. Isn't he just a cutie? :) And just loving this weather while it lasts! Is it nice in Canada too?

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  15. I LOVE this idea! I would definitely read it, and like the pitch--especially the last line. Great!

    My comments: take out the stuff in the pitch about last name/first name--"he calls himself Everett" would be sufficient--the other stuff takes away from the main idea. Also, why is having a dream about a man with green skin who tells you monsters are real a GOOD dream? I need more convincing on that point. And yes, I think 19 is a little old. How about 16?

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  16. Thanks so much for your comments, Wendy. I'm sure Rebecca will find them helpful when she gets a chance to check in :)

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  17. I live outside of Philly. Spring lasts until May-ish. Not long enough. :(

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  18. First, about the pitch -- I'm going out on a limb and saying yes, I would read it (the going out on a limb part is because I don't usually read paranormal, I'm too much of a wimp). As someone else has said, I'd lower the age of the main character a bit to fit with the usual age group of YA -- perhaps it could be after her 16th birthday? That's a fairly major "coming of age".

    To tighten the pitch, perhaps Rebecca could say something about Bria having these nightmares throughout her childhood, one night having one in which she was told the monsters of her nightmares were real, then she encounters in real life the person in her nightmares... those are just some ideas to play with. Not quite so many details in the pitch, but enough to intrigue us.

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  19. I said "first" then didn't go on to say -- congratulations, Teri, and congratulations, Susanna, on coming up with the idea for Phyllis's world tour, because we're all having a blast!

    (Phyllis said very clearly to me that winter isn't quite over yet...)

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  20. First, thank you Beth - very helpful comments! Next........? :)

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  21. ....... Thank you so much - I'm so glad you're enjoying the tour and I hope everyone else is too. Phyllis and I CERTAINLY are!!! :)

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  22. Outside of Philly?! Darn! You could have net up with Erik for Phyllis's Philly tour and been in a picture together if only I'd known! :)

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  23. Spring is definitely in NJ. My kids are sneezing and the front of my house smells like a hyacinth factory. I love it when it's like that- it's too short.
    As for the pitch- I love the story line. I would read it. I agree with the others though- more about the types of dreams. If Everett is indication of a good dream that needs to be made clear- is glowing green good?. The question of good coming with bad is excellent and a great hook. There's a lot of "magic" around the 16th birthday, why not make it her 15th birthday (rather than 19th as the pitch says) so it's really unexpected?

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  24. Oh, hyacinths are so pretty! I have a pink one I always enjoy for four minutes before the deer eat it :) Thanks so much for your helpful thoughts for Rebecca! I like the unexpected birthday idea!

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  25. Hi everyone! I'm Rebecca. Thank you all so much for reading and commenting on the pitch! I agree that the pitch definitely needs work - my problem was that the storyline in my head is very complicated, so it was very hard to choose what was important enough to include in the pitch. Lowering Bria's age is dually noted, thanks so much for the suggestion. And, just to clear up some confusion, Everett is supposed to be the good dream. Although he does tell Bria that the monsters are real, I realize that I goofed and left out an equally important part - that she shouldn't worry because he will find a way to stop the monsters. Again, thank you all so so much! xoxo Rebecca

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  26. Love Phyllis' book tours. They have been so interesting so fun. Loved Eriks's today. Phyllis got to expeience some reall American history in Philadelphia.

    Congratulations Terri on the book win. I went to the library yesterday to check out some of Iza books and they own many of her books -- but every single one had been checked out! Sure must be popular with the kids! Going to buy her new new one.

    Pitch: Yes, I'd read it. But, the pitch is to long, with unnecessary info that can be tightened up to give it more punch.

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  27. Love the cutie in the photo!
    I like the idea of the pitch--I think it could be shortened so it's clearer. :)

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  28. First, congrats to Teri! And, as for Rebecca' pitch, I think I'm too scared to read the book. Just a couple of thoughts. For a short pitch, I think the parenthetical about the man's name being Everett is extraneous. I would omit it. Also, you could rephrase "At age six, Bria had another dream, in which a man with glowing skin told her the monsters are real." You could just say, "At age six, Bria had another dream; a man with glowing skin told her..." Rebecca, I'm impressed. Keep writing.

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  29. Thanks for your helpful comments for Rebecca, Kirsten!

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  30. Thanks for your comment, Coleen. And would that all lawn mowers could be so cute :)

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  31. Congrats to Teri! The World Tour is brilliant! What fun Phyllis is having! And the the book could be really great, but I feel the pitch needs to be pared down to a couple of strong, concise sentences to entice the reader.

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  32. Stina LindenblattMarch 21, 2012 at 7:22 PM

    It's an intriguing premise except the age is too old for YA. At the very oldest, she can be 18. There are exceptions, but based on this pitch, I don't see why the protagonist can't be 17.

    I agree with Robyn. The pitch needs tightening. I'm not sure what the main conflict is.

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  33. First, please note that I am now Phyllis-obsessed! I find myself checking daily to see where she is...which I am sad to say is usually somewhere I have not been. hmmmm, does that mean I am living vicariously through a groundhog? Rebecca: I personally am impressed at your writing skill at age 14. Your pitch does need work and can be tightened, but well done you. Consider concentrating on one really gripping aspect of your story.

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  34. Thanks for your nice comment for Rebecca, Sharon! And I have to admit, I'm feeling the same way about Phyllis - I've never been to the Alamo, or flown a Night Hawk, or even seen the Liberty Bell, which isn't that far away from me. I wish I was a long for the trip :)

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  35. I know, Pat! Phyllis obviously had a phabulous time in Philly! :) Iza's books should be popular - they are all awesome! And thanks for your comments for Rebecca!

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  36. It sounds like you have "Utah weather" Susanna. I'm glad it's nice for the first day of spring though. I'm not fond of cold weather.

    As for the pitch...
    I think the story sounds great, although I do think the wording could be cleaned up and sharpened a bit. I'm intrigued with the story though. Sounds like something I would enjoy. :)

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  37. Rebecca, you've intrigued me with the pitch. Like others, I think it needs to be more concise. The first two age references made me stop "a little girl" and then the second line " at age six." You may be able to eliminate one of those. Is the conflict with the nightmares or with Everett?

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  38. I would totally read it! It sounds fascinating! Creepy, yes, but fascinating.

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  39. Good question, Stacy. Thanks for your comment!

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  40. The weather is a treat! (I admit, though, I keep waiting for the usual weather to rear it's cold wet head!)

    Thanks for your comments for Rebecca!

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  41. Thanks for the suggestion about Bria's age! And thanks so much for your thoughts! :)

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  42. Thanks so much! :)

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  43. Thanks so much for your suggestions on making it more concise! And the conflict is sort of complicated - but I would say the biggest conflict is with the nightmares. Again, thank you!

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  44. Thanks so much for your input! :) I totally agree about the wording - my big issue is that there are so many plot points, it's hard to find the most important ones! I'll try my best to sharpen it up!

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  45. Thank you so much, your comments are so helpful! And that's a great idea about focusing on one aspect - dually noted! :)

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  46. Thanks so much! I'll try to make the conflict clearer. And thanks for your suggestions about Bria's age!

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  47. Thanks so much! I will definitely work on that!

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  48. Thank you so so much! I will definitely keep writing and make the pitch more concise! :)

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  49. Thank you!! :) I'll definitely make it shorter!

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  50. Thanks so much for your input! I'll tighten it up!

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  51. Thanks for your great ideas! Extremely helpful! :)

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  52. Thank you so much for all your comments! I'll try to shorten it and keep more focus without giving away too many details!

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  53. Thank you so so much! I'll definitely lower Bria's age and make the pitch clearer :)

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  54. Thank you for your suggestions! I will definitely cut down on the wording, and that's a great idea about switching the placement of that sentence! :)

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  55. Thank you so much! I'll tighten it up to make it more concise and to the point! :)

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  56. Thanks for the suggestion! I'll certainly fix that :)

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  57. Thank you so so much! :) It means a lot!

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  58. Thanks for your suggestions! They are super helpful! :)

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  59. Thanks so much for commenting! The pitch definitely needs refining - Everett is a very complicated character, but he IS supposed to be a good guy, so I will try to find a way to make him appeal more as a hero in the pitch! :)

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  60. Penny KlostermannMarch 22, 2012 at 7:41 PM

    That colt is precious!!! Love it!

    Congrats to Teri. Lucky girl! Do you eat four-leaf clovers or something?

    I would read the book. I do think it needs tightening. You could cut down on the details. I love scary books and it sounds as if it would be plenty scary.

    As far as the world tour....I am having a blast following Phyllis! *waving hands above head* I'm a groupie! I'm a groupie!

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  61. Thanks, Penny! And I knew you were a groupie - I could tell by your fantabulous t-shirt!! :)

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  62. Deb at Fabulously FirstMarch 25, 2012 at 1:09 PM

    Hi Susana,
    This is a beautiful blog and I am a new follower. I have such a passion for reading and I can't wait to share this with my fellow teachers. WOW!

    Deb at Fabulously First

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  63. Welcome, Deb! And thank you so much for your kind words and for becoming a new follower. So glad to have you here! I'm following your link over to visit your blog!

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