February 1, 2012

Would You Read It Wednesday - The 25th Pitch

Oh, joy!  It's Wednesday!  That means grab Something Chocolate and settle in for Would You Read It :)
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(Mmmm!  Excellent choice!  (And yes, that is too a perfectly healthy breakfast!  Look!  There's fruit!  Also something green!))

First, though, I'd like to remind anyone who hasn't voted for the December/January Pitch Pick to please go here and vote.  The winner will be announced Friday!!!

Second, as you know, I like to sweeten the pie a little (tee hee) by offering a random prize each month to one of our dedicated Perfect Picture Book bloggers.  You get one chance for every book you posted in the month.  (There were 96 books posted in January - not counting mine which makes an even 100!!! - not too shabby, eh?)  I enter them all (except mine) into random.org and voila! we get a winner.  November's was Stacy, December's was Clar, and January's duhn duhn-duhn duhn-duhn duhn DUHN! is Miranda!!

Miranda, come on down!  This month's bag o' goodies (which changes every month depending what I've got kicking around :)) contains hardcover copies of Red Sings From Treetops, The Busy Life Of Ernestine Buckmeister, and April Fool, Phyllis! and a paperback copy of Jean Auel's The Land Of Painted Caves (which is not for kids, but I just happen to have a brand new spare copy!)  Please select one and Email Me (see that handy button over there?) with your choice and it shall be yours :)  All you other PPB bloggers, thank you SO MUCH for the wonderful job you do every week!  We are growing such a great resource!  The next thing I want to add to it is Best Books for Boys (since it seems many people have a harder time engaging boys with reading) so please let me know if you have found any of the titles already on the list especially engaging for boys, and if you add a title that fits that category, please be sure to bring it to my attention!  And who knows?  Next month YOU could be the lucky winner!

And now - got your Something Chocolate? - it's time for Would You Read It!

Today's pitch comes to us from Dede who says she quit writing more times than she can remember. She stashed her drafts and turned her attention to more practical pursuits – her day job, the ever-present laundry pile, the bills. Despite her lack of attention, characters kept nudging until she gave in and finished writing their stories. Here’s one of them. The others can be found on her website.


Ready?

Working Title: Summer of '71
Age/Genre: MG
The Pitch:  When eleven-year old Fiona peered through the broken slat of the caretaker’s shed at the back corner of the West End Cemetery, the last thing she expected to see was a girl about her own age, asleep on the dirt floor. Thus begins an unlikely friendship that carries them through a summer of bullies, a best friend’s betrayal, and a life-changing tragedy. 

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Dede improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  Pitches are currently queued through April 4, but there are lots of openings after that, so send your pitch for a chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Dede is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!


Reactions:

51 comments:

  1. Yes, I'd definitely read this one. The only suggestion I'd made here is to maybe cut "at the back of" to make the first clause a little less wordy. But I'm intrigued by the story idea.

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  2. I meant to say the other day I love the pig picture, and I could easily eat that cake. I'll keep an eye out for boy books.

    I like that story idea, I would definitely read it though I think the last sentence could be tighter. An unlikely friendship experiences a life-changing tragedy.' Or something like that.

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  3. I would read "Summer of '71". It seems like a book I'd like. Sounds interesting that the girl finds the other girl in a cemetery! :)

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  4. Yes I would! When she said peeked in the shed at the cemetery, a girl is not what I expected her to see. :) This sounds good to me.

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  5. I would read it. The premise really interests me, but it is too wordy in my opinion. I would tighten it up. I cut a few words to show you what I mean.
    When eleven-year old Fiona peered into the caretaker’s shed of the West End Cemetery, the last thing she expected to see was a girl sleeping on the dirt floor. Thus begins an unlikely friendship that carries them through a summer of bullies, betrayal, and life-changing tragedy.

    Susanna~I love your idea of healthy, chocolate food.

    Congrats to Miranda!

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  6. Isn't that little piggy the cutest? And yes, truly, I think the chocolate torte looks scrumptious :)

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  7. Chocolate is good for you. They say so on the news every once in a while. I forget why, but who cares as long as you have a good excuse to eat chocolate? :)

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  8. Penny, Rachel, Erik, Catherine, and Andrea - thank you all so much for your thoughtful comments for Dede!

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  9. I'm intrigued and would give it a yes. I wasn't expecting a girl. I like Penny's word suggestion. Good luck Dede. Congrats to Miranda. And, I thought all chocolate was healthy. Hmph.

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  10. Absolutely I would read this....she got me with the word cemetery.

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  11. I am intrigued. I would read it. But I would also edit it. Penny's edit was great!

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  12. Hi, new follower here. I love the adorable heading on your blog!

    Yes, I would read it. I love unlikely or unexpected friendships. :)

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  13. Hi Shelley! So nice to meet you! Thanks so much for stopping by, following, and leaving a helpful comment for Dede!

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  14. I would read it. I'm intrigued! But I do agree with the others that the pitch is wordy -- too many clauses in the first sentence.

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  15. All chocolate IS healthy! It's just EXTRA healthy with fruit and something green :)

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  16. Margaret, Marcie and Feathered (who I think is Del but I can't remember?) - thank you so much for your comments for Dede!

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  17. Thank you SO much for all your comments and suggestions! I will definitely tighten the pitch...:)

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  18. Great revision!!!! Thank you, Penny.

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  19. I do like Penny's revision and, YES, I would read this. I like the cemetery setting!

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  20. Yes, I'd read it, and completely agree with everyone's advice to tighten the pitch. The setting and premise are intriguing.

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  21. I would read it. I think the opening setting is quite intriguing. I certainly want to find out why the girl is in the shed.

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  22. Intriguing! I would read.
    No fair posting that chocolate pie pic--it looks way to yum :)

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  23. Luckily I am totally handicapped when it comes to cooking, so the only way I could err have that pie would be to go out to dinner somewhere and there's no danger of that :)

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  24. Sorry, couldn't focus on the pitch after seeing that chocolate pie pic. YUM!!!!

    No. I wouldn't read it. It sounds great, but I prefer YA. But it does sounds great.

    Now back to staring at the pic. :)

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  25. I would definitely read that. Not only do I want to know who the girl in the shed is, but what is Fiona doing snooping around a cemetery in the first place?!

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  26. You know, that is a very good question!

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  27. I think you have a chocolate fixation :) (Takes one to know one they say :))

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  28. Joanna, Renee, Kirsten, Coleen, Stina, and Carter - thanks so much for your comments for Dede!

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  29. Thank you, everyone. I truly appreciate the time you took to read and comment on my pitch.

    Now...time for chocolate pie!! :)

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  30. Jennifer RumbergerFebruary 1, 2012 at 8:21 PM

    Definitely a yes. I'm already curious about the girl in the shed and the betrayal and tragedy. What a great pitch!

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  31. I would definitely read this! Sounds like a fun book with lots of twists and turns. :)

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  32. Given that I could focus on the pitch with that delicious chocolate treat in my mind, means it was good! I would take out... "in the back corner of." Otherwise, I think it's wonderful! Sounds like a very interesting book. I would definitely read!

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  33. Yes- I would read this, or certainly suggest that my daughter does. :) Sounds intriguing. Why was the girl there? Are they immediate BFFs or does their friend ship grow through the challenges? This sounds great. I"m in!
    And Susanna- that dessert looks like an awesome breakfast. Tell me more about the Best Books for Boys- is that separate or part of PPBF? I've got two boys so I'm in!

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  34. Yes! I like the way this story is going. I think girls would love it and could relate to it. It has potential for an exciting summer with strong personalities.Well done.
    Jane

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  35. It is an interesting pitch but I probably would not read it. the pitch had me in the beginning. The snooping around in the cemetery and all but lost me toward the end, too subtle. Maybe if I knew what the betrayal or tragedy was like maybe a "suspicious death."

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  36. Congratulations Miranda.

    The pitch is written very well and caught my attention immediately. I am intrigued and want to know more.

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  37. Tracy, it's an idea I just came up with when I was reading an article about boys reading. I'd like to add a separate section of the list. Several of your books would go right in there - Dinotrain etc. :) I'm trying to figure out how to make the lists more easy accessible, though, so you don't have to scroll through so much to find them... working on that!

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  38. Firstly, delicious cake. Thank you so much *licks crumbs off lips*, secondly congrats to Miranda and thirdly the pitch. It sounds as if it's got potential as an excellent story but the pitch didn't convince me. The first part gave too much information. "When Fiona peered into the caretaker's shed at the back of the cemetery..." is all I think you need and then give a bit more of a clue to the type of adventure story it is. I thought for a start that this was going to be a ghost story.

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  39. Holy Cow!! What welcome news after being sick. I can't believe I won something again!

    Now, as for the pitch - it sounds like back cover or jacketflap copy. And I would read it. It's simple and doesn't reveal all. I liked it.

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  40. Well I'm so glad to give you cheering news if you've been under the weather! :)

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  41. Pat, Saba, Jane, Tracy, Leigh, Janet and Jennifer - thank you all so much for your comments for Dede!!

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  42. I've always known that chocolate, in any form, appears on each tier of the pyramid of foods we need to eat...doesn't it?
    And congrats, Miranda!

    I love the pitch...would I read the book...you betcha! I NEED to find out what happens!!! It did pull me in...I began to wonder why the other girl was sleeping in the cemetary shed...is she running away, has she been abandoned, was she kidnapped years ago and has escaped and is hiding?

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  43. Definitely piqued my interest. I want to know what she's doing sleeping in a cemetary shed. Also, because it's an unlikely friendship there are bound to be lots of ups and downs in their relationship. Great job, Miranda!

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  44. Crumbs! I meant to say 'Great job, Dede!' Off to check out your website now.

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  45. Awesome pitch - really well done! Yes, I would read it!

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  46. Chocolate is the foundation for the pyramid! Or, if it's not, it should be :)

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  47. Vicki, Rebecca, and Vivian - thanks for your comments for Dede! :)

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  48. This isn't really my type of genre read. However, I do like the pitch. I'm intrigued, and if I was into that genre, I'd definitely give it a try. It has an element of mystery (who is that girl?) and hopeful friendship (the bonding which takes place during trials) which grabs me.

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