No! I'm excited because last week I thought up a game that over 4 people expressed an interest in, and one of them has even sent an entry!
So we're off and running with Would You Read It Wednesday!!! SO exciting!!!
(Okay. Now I'm putting on my announcer voice because I know how much you like it.)
It's time to play Would You Read It! Please welcome our very first contestant, Andrea from Canada. Let's give her an extra round of applause, ladies and gentleman, for being brave enough to go first AND tell us her real name!
Andrea presents us with this entry:
Working Title: Wild (Girl) Genius
The Pitch: After girly Jade persuades her adventure-enthusiast parents to get her into a special camp led by wilderness expert Carson Riley, Jade's plans to show Carson she’s skilled enough to host a youth segment of his new TV show get messed up by a secret celebrity and someone sabotaging the camp.
So now it's up to you folks. Let's vote. Would you read it? YES, MAYBE, or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Andrea improve her pitch. However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.
And now that you've all seen how fun this is in action, please send your pitches for the coming weeks and spread the word to all your writer friends so everyone can benefit! All we need are the working title if you have one, the age/genre you're writing for, and The Pitch, (and your pitch can be anonymous if you prefer.) Try out pitches you're polishing for submission to get a sense of how they're working, or try out pitches for ideas you're mulling over to see if they have merit. Writers and readers are here to help! Please send pitches to firstname.lastname@example.org (you can use the EMAIL ME button in the right hand column too if that's easier :))
Looking forward to your thoughts on Andrea's pitch, and to your pitches as well!
I'd give this one a "yes" with one tiny issue. The word "girly" right at the beginning confuses me. I starting thinking she was opposite of her parents adventure-seeking ways, but then it goes on to say she is trying to impress a wilderness expert. I would consider eliminating that one word and then I give it my full "yes"! Good job!ReplyDelete
I vote yes, because it sounds different and intriguing. However, I have some questions about the pitch. What are the stakes (or: What happens if she doesn't convince Carson to let her host her own segment)? Why is the celebrity important? I think that the sabotage is conflict enough and you don't need to mention the celebrity to pique our interest.ReplyDelete
Sounds cool - good luck!
I like the idea of the story too. But I think the end is missing a word. After "show" should it read "only to have it messed up by..."?ReplyDelete
Is she acting girly? Is it a Private Benjamin thing? I'd like to know more about the MC too. What's she gotta prove?
Yes! Sounds like fun. I liked the word 'girly' because it contradicts her 'wilderness expert' goals. I imagine it will bring lots of humor to this piece. I agree, we do need to know what's at stake.ReplyDelete
YES. To me, this pitch shows much potential for comical conflicts as Jade struggles to achieve her goal of becoming a celebrity herself. The pitch could potentially be made stronger by addressing some of the comments above, but it's got me sold already anyway. :-)ReplyDelete
PS Susan, I love this segment idea & would give you a pitch for it but I don't think what I write really suits your target audience and pitches may contain naughty YA themes. ;-)
Natasha, Theresa, Brooke and Megan - thanks so much for your votes and comments!ReplyDelete
Pitch away, Cally (just try to do it without any bad language - though **** is OK :))
Lovers of reality tv would wolf this down. I would inject something about rigorous training to try and appeal to boys too.ReplyDelete
Wow, thanks for all the opinions! This is really great, you're giving me a lot to think about. I'm starting to work on revisions for this novel and getting a solid pitch will help me focus. I hope I can return the favour when I see other pitches for this game!ReplyDelete
I love this new feature of your blog, Susanna. I also think this book has a lot of potential for problems that the MC to need to get through.ReplyDelete
I’m glad to be a new follower and have left a response to your comment on Bird’s-eye View at http://michellefayard.blogspot.com/2011/07/getting-blog-comments-to-work-for-you.html.
Michelle - thanks so much for your helpful comment for Andrea and for stopping by! Please feel free to spread the word about Would You Read It to your followers in case they have pitches they'd like to send in - the more the merrier :)ReplyDelete
Maybe. I don't know if you've been told that the pitch has to be just one sentence, but if you broke it up into two sentences, it would be more readable.ReplyDelete
The description seems to indicaate that the book is mostly for girls. I feel that young readers [boys], like the ones which the book is directed to, would be turned off.