tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post7318790160334694860..comments2024-02-25T10:47:13.049-05:00Comments on Susanna Leonard Hill: Would You Read It Wednesday #119 - Simon Wants To Be A Helper (PB)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17655630528649780363noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-37249666168055293972014-01-31T17:53:47.124-05:002014-01-31T17:53:47.124-05:00Thanks so much for your thoughts for Stacy, Tracy!...Thanks so much for your thoughts for Stacy, Tracy! And I'm glad you're enjoying the Fashion Show! A bunch more entries came in today and they're all so fun! :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-68115608757839156952014-01-31T17:51:33.535-05:002014-01-31T17:51:33.535-05:00Thank you so much for your thoughtful suggestions ...Thank you so much for your thoughtful suggestions for Stacy, Belinda! I know she'll appreciate them. And I guess if your son is in medical school he certainly turned out to be a helper! :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-50283170151731024852014-01-31T17:20:21.610-05:002014-01-31T17:20:21.610-05:00Hi, there were too many comments to read, so I'...Hi, there were too many comments to read, so I'm probably repeating what others might have said: there should be a comma after wakes up, think title could be a little snappier. Is this story more on the straight-forward or the silly side? Maybe that could be better conveyed. I would read it...my son loved to help, and he's in medical school now!Belinda Brocknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-7122694440219101192014-01-30T07:34:43.044-05:002014-01-30T07:34:43.044-05:00Susanna, I am enjoying all the groundhog entries b...Susanna, I am enjoying all the groundhog entries being posted on MPBM FB. She'll be the best dressed groundhog. Stacey, I like the premise of your pitch. Have you thought about introducing a character trait and the age of Simon in the pitch? :-)Tracy Campbellnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-8563924936663748072014-01-29T22:31:11.439-05:002014-01-29T22:31:11.439-05:00Thanks everyone. I appreciate all the feedback. I ...Thanks everyone. I appreciate all the feedback. I enjoyed reading it all.Stacy S. Jensennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-21835871978678658402014-01-29T22:29:53.912-05:002014-01-29T22:29:53.912-05:00That sounds like a picture book story Erik!That sounds like a picture book story Erik!Stacy S. Jensennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-65149711493800130332014-01-29T22:15:04.276-05:002014-01-29T22:15:04.276-05:00Thanks so much for chiming in for Ms. Jensen, Erik...Thanks so much for chiming in for Ms. Jensen, Erik! :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-85967887503534364872014-01-29T21:26:23.617-05:002014-01-29T21:26:23.617-05:00Great pitch Ms. Jensen! :D
I think the title could...Great pitch Ms. Jensen! :D<br />I think the title could be "Simon the Helper" because it sounds less revealing, but still gets the point out that he is a "helper". Plus, I agree with what the past commenters have said. Good luck! I can't wait to see this in print! :DThis_Kid_Reviews_Books_Eriknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-45089290598096959172014-01-29T20:41:12.596-05:002014-01-29T20:41:12.596-05:00Thank you so much for your thoughts and suggestion...Thank you so much for your thoughts and suggestions for Stacy, Karen! And oh my! I could go for a homemade chocolate chip cookie right now! :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-64727076672244002712014-01-29T20:35:47.147-05:002014-01-29T20:35:47.147-05:00Good evening! I love that cute little bear cake, ...Good evening! I love that cute little bear cake, and well, just about anything chocolate (confession, I am baking choc chip cookies, for my kids of course ;)<br /><br /><br />Yes, I would definitely read this story. It hooked me in and actually liked the idea of him waking up to help mother (most mother's are already up and about pretty early). The second line was okay but I think I ended up asking myself, I wonder what happens? Similar to other comments, do things go awry and the house gets turned upside down? Or is this a more gentle story of a little one helping with chores. I think it could use just a few more words of information to really get a feel as to the overall tone of the book. But I'm definitely in!Karen Mae Zoccolinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-50453503896349419962014-01-29T20:27:22.891-05:002014-01-29T20:27:22.891-05:00Thanks so much for your two cents for Stacy, Genev...Thanks so much for your two cents for Stacy, Genevieve!Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-10244453117753698932014-01-29T20:26:57.045-05:002014-01-29T20:26:57.045-05:00Thanks for your helpful thoughts for Stacy, Pat! ...Thanks for your helpful thoughts for Stacy, Pat! And I KNOW! isn't everyone so creative? I love seeing Phyllis in all her get-ups! :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-6236314685543923322014-01-29T20:26:00.967-05:002014-01-29T20:26:00.967-05:00Thanks so much for sharing your impressions with S...Thanks so much for sharing your impressions with Stacy, Cheryl - I know she'll find them helpful :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-82267731939893063532014-01-29T20:25:16.634-05:002014-01-29T20:25:16.634-05:00Thank you for your helpful insights for Stacy, Dar...Thank you for your helpful insights for Stacy, Darshana!Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-34627847218447433452014-01-29T20:24:39.767-05:002014-01-29T20:24:39.767-05:00Thanks for your very helpful thoughts for Stacy, S...Thanks for your very helpful thoughts for Stacy, Stacy :) And I know - that groundhog does look too sweet to eat. But I have no problem with the flowerpot part :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-50966647073910741112014-01-29T20:16:07.181-05:002014-01-29T20:16:07.181-05:00You would, Erik :)You would, Erik :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-49035620120693675242014-01-29T20:09:27.178-05:002014-01-29T20:09:27.178-05:00Ooooh! I love comic swearing! I remember in a Get ...Ooooh! I love comic swearing! I remember in a Get Fuzzy comic strip (yes, I love comics - especially Pearls Before Swine, Get Fuzzy, Garfield, Hagar the Horrible, etc.), Satchel was saying "asterisk!" "dollar sign!" "ampersand!" in place of the symbols (because he didn't understand it ;) ) :PThis_Kid_Reviews_Books_Eriknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-71662224261112872652014-01-29T18:50:54.488-05:002014-01-29T18:50:54.488-05:00I would read this, for sure. So much potential for...I would read this, for sure. So much potential for FUN. I think you can open with, "Simon's idea of helping around the house isn't the same as Mom's." and get right into it. Maybe an example or two and then the mysterious doorknob. Cool idea.Genevievenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-70613843009643004212014-01-29T16:42:35.293-05:002014-01-29T16:42:35.293-05:00Yes, I would read it! It sounds like a sweet story...Yes, I would read it! It sounds like a sweet story. But Julie stated it well. I'm wondering if this is a quiet story or a story full of fun chaos. :-) And I'm also curious about the knob. :-)Cheryl Secombnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-86693619957804335092014-01-29T15:59:52.520-05:002014-01-29T15:59:52.520-05:00Is this story humorous or more emotional. If it is...Is this story humorous or more emotional. If it is more humorous then try to convey that in the pitch, just a simple active verb for one or two of the obstacles is enough. In the last line you mention "him a chance to make things better", this leaves me with the feeling he is having to "make-up to his mother" for whatever happened earlier. Instead what do you think of hinting to how Simon has changed or what he has learned instead. just my 2 cents. best of luck with it.Darshananoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-76461894967493406432014-01-29T15:58:45.526-05:002014-01-29T15:58:45.526-05:00Cute Phyllis pic's! But Susanna, that groundho...Cute Phyllis pic's! But Susanna, that groundhog looks far too sweet to eat.<br />This sounds like such a sweet story, Stacy, with plenty of room for fun. I too would love more details about Simon's mishaps and what happens with the doorknob. And I love what Julie said about voice. Simon may be "chaos on wheels"--in funny, specific ways--until he turns a doorknob and...finds a chatty vacuum, or a dust-gulping aardvark? I know you've hidden something great behind that door--don't be afraid to tell me what!Stacy Couchhttp://twitter.com/couchminenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-55130515373708481302014-01-29T14:43:24.554-05:002014-01-29T14:43:24.554-05:00Yep, I want to turn that knob too so I guess if I&...Yep, I want to turn that knob too so I guess if I'm an agent, you've done your job. Things have clearly gone wrong with the 'helping' though - and presumably in a humorous way. Perhaps a reference to your most humorous misadventure would make it even more enticing?Steve Morannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-37239121206658704732014-01-29T13:52:13.721-05:002014-01-29T13:52:13.721-05:00Good morning, and thanks for that fun cake idea!
...Good morning, and thanks for that fun cake idea!<br /><br /><br />I would read it, but my first impression tells me the story is meant for the pre-school set. That said, I love mommy's helper stories! I also question whether 'wakes up' has any relevance. If it does, we need to hear that. The kind of help he is offering could tell me if is this is a quiet gentle story - or chaos on wheels! The voice seems quiet as is, so I would imagine to pick this one up it will need more of a hook. What's beyond that (door?)knob?Julie Rowan-Zochhttp://julierowanzoch.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-62761509729427749802014-01-29T12:32:07.567-05:002014-01-29T12:32:07.567-05:00:):)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-66515365971906694262014-01-29T12:30:25.354-05:002014-01-29T12:30:25.354-05:00Yes, some of those words tumbled through my mind. ...Yes, some of those words tumbled through my mind. *wink*Robyn Campbellhttp://robyn-campbell.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com