tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post2462905710340849738..comments2024-02-25T10:47:13.049-05:00Comments on Susanna Leonard Hill: Would You Read It Wednesday - The Eleventh Pitch!Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17655630528649780363noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-81460638797766329032011-10-16T14:54:23.313-04:002011-10-16T14:54:23.313-04:00Thanks for your comments, Christie! I'm worki...Thanks for your comments, Christie! I'm working on how I present the plot--I've received lots of great suggestions from this comment thread!<br /><br />Patricia, I'm so glad that it would catch your attention! My revisions are definitely focusing on getting the most bang with each word!<br /><br />And Susanna, Thanks so much for hosting this theme! I really appreciate all the advice I've had!<br /><br />CarlaCarlahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15380048190884905579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-38061156852352159912011-10-16T10:45:26.110-04:002011-10-16T10:45:26.110-04:00I would maybe read it. I wanted more details to pu...I would maybe read it. I wanted more details to pull me in. But witches are always fun and it is a good time of year for them!Kim Lnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-64556222447970049742011-10-13T17:24:44.387-04:002011-10-13T17:24:44.387-04:00I like the title because it maybe wonder why. It ...I like the title because it maybe wonder why. It sounds like it could be a fun Halloween book filled mayhem. With so few words allowed in a pitch, it's hard to know where this story will go. But, I'd say, yes, it would get my attention.Patricia T.https://www.blogger.com/profile/10673204828383998897noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-17334857797338800382011-10-11T15:10:13.567-04:002011-10-11T15:10:13.567-04:00Maybe. Cute, but not sure about the plot.
"W...Maybe. Cute, but not sure about the plot.<br /><br />"What happens when witches dance? Little Linda knows it can get messy, but she also thinks it might just be the witches' only chance to save their Halloween Party."<br /><br />I'm not sure what is so different about witches dancing. It doesn't seem like such an unusual thing to warrant the question of wondering what happens as a result from it. I also don't get the connection between dancing, being a witch, getting messy, and the party. Perhaps if you start the pitch differently and get at the plot a little better, then it would draw a reader in better.Christie Wright Wildhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13656162315858480593noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-58686999798441437372011-10-11T12:36:45.875-04:002011-10-11T12:36:45.875-04:00Thank you so much for all the feedback! I really ...Thank you so much for all the feedback! I really appreciate your comments and feel like I am getting some really useful ideas! <br /><br />I never thought of the word "messy" as ambiguous, but since it's been brought up, I can see that. I meant it quite literally--picture Halloween decorations strewn everywhere, pumpkin vines twisted, and hats and cloaks thrown and disheveled!<br /><br />Abby, you should definitely send something in! This has been so helpful for me!<br /><br />CarlaCarlahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15380048190884905579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-26390291716631665242011-10-07T06:40:20.591-04:002011-10-07T06:40:20.591-04:00A2Z Mommy and Reena - thanks so much for your grea...A2Z Mommy and Reena - thanks so much for your great comments!Susanna Leonard Hillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17655630528649780363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-77869402471821469012011-10-07T03:36:26.138-04:002011-10-07T03:36:26.138-04:00If this were a genre I normally read, I'd defi...If this were a genre I normally read, I'd definitely pick this one up.<br /><br />Overall, the pitch is intriguing. I'm with the others with the vagueness though. "Messy." It's such an ambiguous term the way it's used in the sentence. What does "messy" mean in this case?<br /><br />Also... this is such an odd thing. :) But the "it" used in the sentences, particularly the first one rubs me wrong for some reason. Call me weird, but it gives me a funky twinge, almost as if "it" doesn't really refer to dancing, though I know it should because of the context.Reena Jacobshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16860984511692822921noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-11186189324748178412011-10-06T22:40:07.797-04:002011-10-06T22:40:07.797-04:00Yes! I can picture a bunch of cute little girl wit...Yes! I can picture a bunch of cute little girl witches dancing around making a fun mess, not a disastrous one. Even if it is seasonal, that can be built upon for follow up stories, Halloween costumes, anything. I'd love to hear more about the story and what the drama is at the Halloween party and how the witches can help.Tracy MacDonaldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03615611919340469444noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-76573742425115269712011-10-06T20:13:16.325-04:002011-10-06T20:13:16.325-04:00Abby - you can do it! Everyone is very nice and h...Abby - you can do it! Everyone is very nice and helpful! Gather up your courage and send one in - I can give you a date in December :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17655630528649780363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-48878242467349171582011-10-06T19:31:26.482-04:002011-10-06T19:31:26.482-04:00Susanna, I am trying to be brave enough to enter a...Susanna, I am trying to be brave enough to enter a pitch for this one day. These people are all so awesome and I applaud them. As for this pitch. YES! I would read it. It sounds fun. I do want a teeny bit more info on "how it gets messy," but I still love it and would read it as is. :)Abby Fowershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08567978659174723198noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-74141569164614563642011-10-06T16:00:53.514-04:002011-10-06T16:00:53.514-04:00Andrea, Coleen and Michelle - thanks for chiming i...Andrea, Coleen and Michelle - thanks for chiming in :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17655630528649780363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-68852401108450736662011-10-06T14:32:57.375-04:002011-10-06T14:32:57.375-04:00Yes, because I love the title and the premise. :)Yes, because I love the title and the premise. :)Michelle Fayardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05323853315988838877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-55619264770880559952011-10-06T12:58:19.938-04:002011-10-06T12:58:19.938-04:00Yes. Maybe it's because I've always loved...Yes. Maybe it's because I've always loved the cute witch picture books, but I also find the title draws me in too.Coleen Patrickhttp://coleenpatrick.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-59820795099263033552011-10-06T11:36:17.692-04:002011-10-06T11:36:17.692-04:00I'd read it. I think there's always room f...I'd read it. I think there's always room for a fresh take on Halloween. I like the idea of something going wrong with their party, but it would be nice to have a stronger hint about what it is.Andrea Mackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15250681746122381149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-11330676739566067822011-10-06T06:21:36.315-04:002011-10-06T06:21:36.315-04:00Beth, Tina, Randy, and J.C. - thanks so much for y...Beth, Tina, Randy, and J.C. - thanks so much for your thoughts and comments!Susanna Leonard Hillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17655630528649780363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-79214819062191430082011-10-06T05:52:43.877-04:002011-10-06T05:52:43.877-04:00YES I would! Witches and dancing and Halloween...s...YES I would! Witches and dancing and Halloween...sounds like a fun read!J.C. Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01567971311643106302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-59435472175843178292011-10-06T00:22:47.875-04:002011-10-06T00:22:47.875-04:00Yes. I love the first line and my interest springs...Yes. I love the first line and my interest springs entirely from that. The next two lines didn't grab me and I didn't really know what they meant to the story.Randy Lindsayhttp://randylindsay.blogspot.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-20039923823261938322011-10-06T00:21:04.620-04:002011-10-06T00:21:04.620-04:00My answer is yes, because with witches and magic i...My answer is yes, because with witches and magic it almost has to be a fun book. :)<br /><br />With the title "Witches Don't Dance", I like that she started with the question of what happens when they do dance. Made me stop and wonder whether they melt away like the Oz witch or if it throws the world into chaos. <br /><br />I do think this line needs a little tweaking: Little Linda knows it can get messy, but she also thinks it might just be the witches' only chance to save their Halloween Party.<br />Messy how? And I'm not clear if the party that needs saving is put on by the little girl or the witches, or maybe Linda is part of the coven. Why does the party need saving?Tina DC Hayeshttp://tinadchayes.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-43731443561138961012011-10-05T21:38:11.608-04:002011-10-05T21:38:11.608-04:00Yes, but it might be a tough sell b/c it sounds re...Yes, but it might be a tough sell b/c it sounds really seasonal.Bethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09962862566388212238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-84622218985830920652011-10-05T21:29:44.284-04:002011-10-05T21:29:44.284-04:00Thanks, K, Stina, and Laura! It's great to kn...Thanks, K, Stina, and Laura! It's great to know what works too!Carlahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15380048190884905579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-3172822666372145172011-10-05T20:19:34.039-04:002011-10-05T20:19:34.039-04:00Cally, Janet, Catherine, Stacy, Kim, Stina, and La...Cally, Janet, Catherine, Stacy, Kim, Stina, and Laura - thanks so much for your very helpful feedback to Carla!<br /><br />Catherine - yes, apparently I do rock themes (although this one happened completely by accident :))<br /><br />Stina - oh good - I have a lot to learn about them!<br /><br />Laura - so glad to meet you! Thanks for stopping by. I'm so glad you enjoy Would You Read It and hope you'll send a pitch!Susanna Leonard Hillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17655630528649780363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-50966155484212420822011-10-05T20:10:57.255-04:002011-10-05T20:10:57.255-04:00Hi, Susanna! This is such a cool feature. What a g...Hi, Susanna! This is such a cool feature. What a great idea to help writers improve their pitches and stories. :)<br /><br />I would definitely read it. Saving the Halloween party at the end peaked my interest because I wanted to know, if witches don't dance then why do they have a Halloween party? It made me want to read it to find out, and how Linda will save such a party!Laura S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/13934230198562773803noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-20050477895675678412011-10-05T19:08:21.807-04:002011-10-05T19:08:21.807-04:00YES!!!! I love the title and the pitch makes me cu...YES!!!! I love the title and the pitch makes me curious to see more. Plus it's clear and well written. <br /><br />(To answer you question on my blog, I'll be examining blog tours more next week).Stinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11415189347501942340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-41747387898133081702011-10-05T18:42:45.877-04:002011-10-05T18:42:45.877-04:00Hi ladies!
Thanks for the feedback...I'm gett...Hi ladies!<br /><br />Thanks for the feedback...I'm getting some great ideas for improving this!<br /><br />Stacy, Linda is the smallest witch...and the only one who dares to experiment with dancing! Everybody knows that when witches start to groove, the wind can't help kicking up its "heels" too. Unfortunately, that is horribly messy and witches--especially Mistress Zamble--refuse to dance. <br /><br />Cally, the Halloween Party is outside and is threatened by an unexpected storm. <br /><br />Janet, I love the idea of skipping the question...thanks!<br /><br />Catherine, there is an underlying theme of children (Linda) solving problems and finding solutions that the grown-ups don't see. <br /><br />CarlaCarlahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15380048190884905579noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-11776629786287347852011-10-05T17:34:31.578-04:002011-10-05T17:34:31.578-04:00What I love about this is that the word 'messy...What I love about this is that the word 'messy' was totally unexpected after I read the first sentence/question! What a great way to engage the reader and get them wanting to read the rest of the pitch. Well done!!Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14469312477524652967noreply@blogger.com