tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.comments2024-02-25T10:47:13.049-05:00Susanna Leonard HillSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17655630528649780363noreply@blogger.comBlogger31600125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-59960721023696205232015-05-07T01:37:59.395-04:002015-05-07T01:37:59.395-04:00Thank you Heather for your candid feedback. You ra...Thank you Heather for your candid feedback. You raise some great questions and I appreciate your help. I see your point of view and will make this pitch better. :)Zainabnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-18531772724095711982015-05-07T01:35:10.469-04:002015-05-07T01:35:10.469-04:00Hi. I'm actually in the "no" camp on...Hi. I'm actually in the "no" camp on this one. I'm worried the story might be preachy. It feels too obvious that it's a story about not eating too much sugar--which is an adult concern, unless you find a way to incorporate this theme organically into a story. Beyond that, I can't tell from the pitch what the action of the story might be, whether it's going to feature a main character I will care about, or what the story's emotional content might be. I need more detail, and a better sense of plot and character in order to feel confident about this one.Heather Kinsernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-15513851785294791982015-05-07T01:04:12.293-04:002015-05-07T01:04:12.293-04:00Hehehe Kirk! I'm happy you can see the Sugar B...Hehehe Kirk! I'm happy you can see the Sugar Bug in your mind. Thanks for the great, positive feedback. Thank you! :)Zainabnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-37183159686830492802015-05-07T01:02:32.046-04:002015-05-07T01:02:32.046-04:00Stacy, that is an awesome pitch! Thanks so much fo...Stacy, that is an awesome pitch! Thanks so much for your help and ideas. Eat chocolate! :)Zainabnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-85015800307638217092015-05-07T00:59:32.753-04:002015-05-07T00:59:32.753-04:00Thank you Susanna for the opportunity to post my p...Thank you Susanna for the opportunity to post my pitch on your blog. I am grateful for your help (and patience). You all are amazingly, awesome authors! :)Zainabnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-20547592069352290642015-05-07T00:58:20.586-04:002015-05-07T00:58:20.586-04:00Thank you Kathy for your questions. This pitch (an...Thank you Kathy for your questions. This pitch (and story) need more work and you (and everyone else on this board) have given me the tools to make it better. I appreciate your help! :) I'm off to eat more chocolate. Mmmm.....Zainabnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-60298930231298814502015-05-07T00:56:47.212-04:002015-05-07T00:56:47.212-04:00Teresa: Thanks for the feedback. You are right. I ...Teresa: Thanks for the feedback. You are right. I need to fix this itty bitty plot issue. I appreciate the comments. :)Zainabnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-22975490485447643492015-05-07T00:55:31.709-04:002015-05-07T00:55:31.709-04:00Thanks Nancy for your feedback. I'll see how I...Thanks Nancy for your feedback. I'll see how I can make it more hook-y. I'm always open to suggestions. I will rearrange the order of my sentence. Thank you! :)Zainabnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-57062040903990221952015-05-07T00:54:19.013-04:002015-05-07T00:54:19.013-04:00Linda, I love sugar! It's my achilles heel. Th...Linda, I love sugar! It's my achilles heel. Thank you for taking the time to respond and for wanting to read my story. I'll make some corrections and it'll be good enough to eat. :)Zainabnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-53406247237377968592015-05-07T00:53:06.443-04:002015-05-07T00:53:06.443-04:00Thanks Angela! :) I'm glad you liked the pitch...Thanks Angela! :) I'm glad you liked the pitch and the chocolate. Mmmmm.Zainabnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-25517685176516652722015-05-07T00:51:41.429-04:002015-05-07T00:51:41.429-04:00Awesome advice Carrie! Thank you. I love the mento...Awesome advice Carrie! Thank you. I love the mentor texts you've listed and they (especially Pink-A-licious) is a good comp. I will make the talent show part stronger and make the adjustments you mentioned. Thanks for your help! :)Zainabnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-25089950932789179312015-05-07T00:50:12.009-04:002015-05-07T00:50:12.009-04:00Thank you for the feedback. It's so helpful. ...Thank you for the feedback. It's so helpful. :)Zainabnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-730404994005900282015-05-07T00:50:07.989-04:002015-05-07T00:50:07.989-04:00Thank you for your comments. I am getting so many ...Thank you for your comments. I am getting so many great ideas from all of you. :)Zainabnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-4787631946911657412015-05-07T00:49:25.380-04:002015-05-07T00:49:25.380-04:00Keila, I love the idea. I'm going to add your ...Keila, I love the idea. I'm going to add your bit in. Thank you so much for your help. :)Zainabnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-88359047481891863312015-05-06T23:22:48.870-04:002015-05-06T23:22:48.870-04:00Thanks, Kirk!Thanks, Kirk!Amelia Shearernoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-52073171434675167312015-05-06T22:50:53.507-04:002015-05-06T22:50:53.507-04:00This was a great bunch of pitches. It's a toug...This was a great bunch of pitches. It's a tough call for me. I like Ariel's pitch because it's short and sweet. Monster Bakery made me busy up, but then I do have the kind of like "gross" food ideas. Amelia, your idea is great. Love the idea of a big sister revealing the "magic" of the Royal Throne.Kirk Kraftnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-11697133221448881562015-05-06T21:36:03.227-04:002015-05-06T21:36:03.227-04:00Samantha planned on pirouetting her way to kinderg...Samantha planned on pirouetting her way to kindergarten stardom in Ms. Hopple's talent show. But when she chomps on too many sweets, she Samantha fears only her tummy will be turning pirouettes.<br /><br />Samantha planned on pirouetting her way to kindergarten stardom in Ms. Hopple's talent show. But when she chomps on too many sweets, she Samantha fears only her tummy will be turning pirouettes.<br /><br />Samantha planned on pirouetting her way to kindergarten stardom in Ms. Hopple's talent show. But when she chomps on too many sweets, she Samantha fears only her tummy will be turning pirouettes.Stacy Couchhttp://twitter.com/couchminenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-82077033934073317972015-05-06T21:30:27.565-04:002015-05-06T21:30:27.565-04:00Yes, it's just possible that Samantha and I ha...Yes, it's just possible that Samantha and I have a thing or two in common :) Thanks so much for your thought-provoking questions for Zainab - I'm sure they'll help her write a stronger pitch!Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-53785034994095631232015-05-06T21:29:34.181-04:002015-05-06T21:29:34.181-04:00All dessert is good for you, Teresa! :) Thanks so...All dessert is good for you, Teresa! :) Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments for Zainab - I'm sure she'll find them very helpful!Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-91197846783058808002015-05-06T21:28:44.908-04:002015-05-06T21:28:44.908-04:00Thank you so much for chiming in for Zainab with y...Thank you so much for chiming in for Zainab with your thoughtful suggestions, Nancy! :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-73913668368357056832015-05-06T21:28:12.156-04:002015-05-06T21:28:12.156-04:00Thanks so much for your helpful suggestions for Za...Thanks so much for your helpful suggestions for Zainab, Linda!Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-32892134503979655632015-05-06T21:27:44.564-04:002015-05-06T21:27:44.564-04:00Thank you for voting, and for your vote of confide...Thank you for voting, and for your vote of confidence for Zainab, Angela! And I'm glad you enjoyed the chocolate :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-24617696080670994182015-05-06T21:27:15.040-04:002015-05-06T21:27:15.040-04:00Thank you so much for your helpful suggestions for...Thank you so much for your helpful suggestions for Zainab including mentor texts, Carrie! :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-46667573698869239012015-05-06T21:26:29.221-04:002015-05-06T21:26:29.221-04:00Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Zaina...Thanks so much for your helpful comments for Zainab, Genevieve!Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-25335756398125924692015-05-06T21:26:11.426-04:002015-05-06T21:26:11.426-04:00Thank you so much for sharing your impressions wit...Thank you so much for sharing your impressions with Zainab, Keila - I know she'll find them helpful!Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.com