tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post8619994479821045784..comments2024-02-25T10:47:13.049-05:00Comments on Susanna Leonard Hill: Would You Read It Wednesday #83 - Giant At The Gym (PB) AND The March Pitch PickSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17655630528649780363noreply@blogger.comBlogger94125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-56673427526108146612013-04-25T17:01:31.899-04:002013-04-25T17:01:31.899-04:00Thank you so much for your helpful suggestions, Cy...Thank you so much for your helpful suggestions, Cynthia, and although I am extremely late responding to your comment, I don't think your comment was too late to be helpful :) <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-5739638978942613662013-04-25T16:59:30.278-04:002013-04-25T16:59:30.278-04:00Thanks so much for voting, Christine, and glad you...Thanks so much for voting, Christine, and glad you like his pitch :)<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-36563697920515645282013-04-25T16:42:55.811-04:002013-04-25T16:42:55.811-04:00I'm glad you like it, Alison, and it's so ...I'm glad you like it, Alison, and it's so nice to see you here! I'm sorry I'm so behind with commenting on this post - I was away when it went up and am just catching up the far backlog! :) <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-10123702872275827412013-04-24T13:58:51.965-04:002013-04-24T13:58:51.965-04:00Thanks for chiming in, Lauri! :)
...Thanks for chiming in, Lauri! :)<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-81404787768585876612013-04-24T13:56:55.584-04:002013-04-24T13:56:55.584-04:00Oops! Somehow I missed this! And I'm so late...Oops! Somehow I missed this! And I'm so late responding that I already know your granddaughter has arrived. Congratulations :) <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-75056179748747883312013-04-13T22:07:53.082-04:002013-04-13T22:07:53.082-04:00We are still waiting. :) The due date was April 12...We are still waiting. :) The due date was April 12 (yesterday) so I'm sure it will be any day now. :) We are having so much fun...my daughter-in-law is helping me with my Power Point presentation for Singapore...she is fantastic!!!!Vivian Kirkfieldnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-79051403296479497382013-04-13T15:55:55.454-04:002013-04-13T15:55:55.454-04:00I like the pitch for giant at the gym, but would s...I like the pitch for giant at the gym, but would suggest not specifying the gym goers be animals - leave that to the illustrator.Lauri Meyersnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-8193580333015447142013-04-13T09:09:02.281-04:002013-04-13T09:09:02.281-04:00That's an adorable story, I would definitely r...That's an adorable story, I would definitely read it. Intrigued already!Alisonhttp://writingwishing.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-2694132142484973982013-04-12T10:48:47.621-04:002013-04-12T10:48:47.621-04:00I voted.
I like the pitch with This Kid Review Bk...I voted. <br />I like the pitch with This Kid Review Bks recommended change. We would read this book. <br />Christine M.Christine Mnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-69424086024073491672013-04-12T09:57:15.328-04:002013-04-12T09:57:15.328-04:00Hi Cynthia! Thank you so much for your insightful ...Hi Cynthia! Thank you so much for your insightful comments. To answer your question, yes the Giant adds animals to the barbells to make them heavier. The animals are unwilling "helpers" but they are not terrified or anything because they understand he's just trying to make the weights heavier and get a good workout. It's a cumulative pb. So when he finally puts the elephant on the barbells, everything comes crashing down. Thanks again for your comments!Elaine Kiely Kearnshttp://www.facebook.com/gaelforce2noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-66312739903533734352013-04-12T09:28:31.251-04:002013-04-12T09:28:31.251-04:00I know I'm late to this party, but I really wa...I know I'm late to this party, but I really wanted to put my two cents in. I like it I really like it and I would love to read it to young kids. Here is my two cents worth. I hope it helps- Cynthia<br /> When a burly Giant enters the gym for a workout, he discovers that the weights are just too light. ( I like this simple and clean).<br />Too fix this problem he grabs unsuspecting gym goers, who are animals, to help him. (This part confuses me: Does he actually pick them up and use them as weights? Funny, but I wonder how the animals feel about being used this way? I'm interested to read about that.)<br />The story gets funnier as the pile grows, finally ending with an unexpected surprise. (I don't need this line, I'm already hooked.) :-)Cynthianoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-74417734731777596022013-04-12T06:48:14.636-04:002013-04-12T06:48:14.636-04:00Thanks for your wonderful, thoughtful comments for...Thanks for your wonderful, thoughtful comments for Elaine, Hannah! And I agree - books that model healthy activity and eating right are great choices for kids!Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-21439108862533999772013-04-12T06:44:12.301-04:002013-04-12T06:44:12.301-04:00Thank you, Sue! I hadn't thought about an earl...Thank you, Sue! I hadn't thought about an early chapter book!Elaine Kiely Kearnshttp://www.facebook.com/gaelforce2noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-80617617000050409362013-04-12T06:42:54.410-04:002013-04-12T06:42:54.410-04:00Agreed, Sain. Such wonderful, helpful people on th...Agreed, Sain. Such wonderful, helpful people on this blog! Thanks so much!Elaine Kiely Kearnshttp://www.facebook.com/gaelforce2noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-43653236492351310902013-04-12T06:41:55.492-04:002013-04-12T06:41:55.492-04:00Oh, and I am totally using it! :)Oh, and I am totally using it! :)Elaine Kiely Kearnshttp://www.facebook.com/gaelforce2noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-65866958772370606972013-04-12T06:41:20.128-04:002013-04-12T06:41:20.128-04:00Thank you, Hannah! It really was kind of you to ta...Thank you, Hannah! It really was kind of you to take all of that time to rework my pitch. I really appreciate it!! :)Elaine Kiely Kearnshttp://www.facebook.com/gaelforce2noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-27522003351205973142013-04-12T06:39:37.282-04:002013-04-12T06:39:37.282-04:00Thanks soooo much. :)Thanks soooo much. :)Elaine Kiely Kearnshttp://www.facebook.com/gaelforce2noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-56554764998463996472013-04-12T01:33:11.899-04:002013-04-12T01:33:11.899-04:00Elaine, yes I would read it. I think the story has...Elaine, yes I would read it. I think the story has some strong potential. :) Rather than telling us the other gym members are animals, I wonder if you could show us. [My comments are in the brackets] Something like, <br /><br />"When Giant [I would assume he is burly, no adjective needed] enters the gym [again we would assume for a workout, so strike that part], he discovers ["that" is a filler word, also strike] the weights are ["just" is another filler, strike] too light. To ["too" is a typo here] fix this problem he grabs cow from off the elliptical machine and starts lifting her. She is also too light, so he grabs goat and duck. The number of animals he lifts grows and grows until... [go ahead and tell us this part or give us one juicy detail.]<br /><br />Nice work. I really like your story idea. Getting enough healthy activity and eating right are important topics for kids (and everyone really).Hannah Holtnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-81652523333154885432013-04-11T12:41:35.169-04:002013-04-11T12:41:35.169-04:00Thanks so much for sharing your two cents with Ela...Thanks so much for sharing your two cents with Elaine, Sian - very helpful! :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-78019113297865379162013-04-11T12:07:01.335-04:002013-04-11T12:07:01.335-04:00Sorry I've got to this so late. Yes, I would ...Sorry I've got to this so late. Yes, I would definitely read it but I think there are things you can do to make the pitch better. I think you've had lots of good advice that I would agree with. Take out the line about it getting funnier and I like the suggestion to use animal noises rather than saying the characters are animals. Good luck!Siannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-28484427930933710612013-04-11T11:59:46.800-04:002013-04-11T11:59:46.800-04:00Thanks for chiming in for Elaine, Mike. I think h...Thanks for chiming in for Elaine, Mike. I think her story is meant to be funny, but you are the second person who saw potential for terror... which is why it's good to have lots of opinions!Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-54840846009773755402013-04-11T11:57:56.014-04:002013-04-11T11:57:56.014-04:00Thanks for your comments for Elaine, Coleen, and y...Thanks for your comments for Elaine, Coleen, and you know, someone needs to look after you and make sure you get enough cake. I'm glad to do the job :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-42341093481416242972013-04-11T11:55:07.870-04:002013-04-11T11:55:07.870-04:00There is always cake left for you, Sue - I saved y...There is always cake left for you, Sue - I saved you some :) Thanks for your helpful comments for Elaine!Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-16994757590971014672013-04-11T11:22:20.657-04:002013-04-11T11:22:20.657-04:00any chocolaty crumbs left? How could I have left m...any chocolaty crumbs left? How could I have left my calendar turned to Tuesday all day yesterday....<br />oh well. Story about a giant in a gym - this is funny but it almost sounds like a chapter in an early chapter book.... because we would want to know this giant. And there's prolly a reason for him to go to a gym (wants to be on a team?)<br />Still, put me down in the "maybe" column. Maybe if I knew why he was at the gym. And maybe if weights were just one of the things - does he also need to work on endurance? jump in the pool and do some laps? run on a treadmill or around a track? I can see all kinds of devastation happening!Sue Heavenrichnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-79378128697640149082013-04-11T11:05:10.699-04:002013-04-11T11:05:10.699-04:00Hi Mike, they are frightened and surprised to find...Hi Mike, they are frightened and surprised to find a Giant in their gym! :)Elaine Kiely Kearnshttp://www.facebook.com/gaelforce2noreply@blogger.com