tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post7431739791620232862..comments2024-02-25T10:47:13.049-05:00Comments on Susanna Leonard Hill: Would You Read It Wednesday - The Ninth Pitch!Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17655630528649780363noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-50254428790108502862011-11-13T09:51:25.177-05:002011-11-13T09:51:25.177-05:00Thank you Jane, that's a grear idea. She is mo...Thank you Jane, that's a grear idea. She is more curious than scared throughout. Nice poem, I hadn't heard that before. I don't think my story is MG anymore but I'm still hoping it will pass as a short story. Thanks again!catherinemjohnson.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14682281308178996823noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-10447280575226148772011-11-12T19:23:41.760-05:002011-11-12T19:23:41.760-05:00Jane - thanks for your comment. I like "intr...Jane - thanks for your comment. I like "intrigues" too. I'll be sure to mention to Catherine to come back and see what you had to say.Susanna Leonard Hillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17655630528649780363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-88604538344482526282011-11-12T12:46:17.590-05:002011-11-12T12:46:17.590-05:00Until I reached your comment I was thinking of a n...Until I reached your comment I was thinking of a new word for distracts;it as intrigues and I put it here:- "the mystery of the disappearing flowers intrigues her even more." Your comment makes me even more curious. I always loved the idea of fairies and the poem called Fairies that starts,<br />"Up the airy mountain<br /> Down the rushy glen,<br /> We daren't go a-hunting,<br /> For fear of little men;<br /> Wee folk, good folk,<br /> Trooping all together;<br /> Green jacket, red cap,<br /> And white owl's feather." <br />It was written by William Allingham years ago!<br />Your story seems to have an element of concern (rather than fear) and that's why I thought intrigue would encourage a reader to buy it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-14158377625044788612011-09-29T18:15:37.856-04:002011-09-29T18:15:37.856-04:00Thanks so much Reena and all the others. I threw t...Thanks so much Reena and all the others. I threw this pitch together so I'm grateful for all the attention it's getting. I haven't even finished the first draft yet.<br /><br />In case you are interested. A man distracts her dad in the car park and while Annabelle is crouched down looking at flowers they set off without her. There are lots of magical creatures in the woods, but the mystery man is the one to watch about the disappearing flowers.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-54847863736626939082011-09-29T18:00:01.520-04:002011-09-29T18:00:01.520-04:00Reena - thanks for your very thoughtful and helpfu...Reena - thanks for your very thoughtful and helpful comments. I'm sure Catherine will be appreciative.Susanna Leonard Hillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17655630528649780363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-89129868764709177292011-09-29T17:27:26.822-04:002011-09-29T17:27:26.822-04:00I'm not a fan of the fae, so my opinion of whe...I'm not a fan of the fae, so my opinion of whether I'd read it is a bit bias. :)<br /><br />I will say the pitch confused me. It wasn't until I read through the comments that I understood what was going on.<br /><br />The way it's worded makes it seem like Annabel has a habit of being distracted by flowers and fairies. For some reason, she also cannot find her family in the woods. So I'm wondering, how did she come to be without her family? Next I'm wondering if there's a typo because of the disappearing flowers, since I was under the impression her family is missing and not the flowers, since they're distracting Annabel.<br /><br />If I go by what the commentators are saying, I believe you meant something like. <i>While taking a walk in the woods with her family, Annabel becomes distracted by flowers and fairies. When she looks up, her family is no where to be found, and the flowers which once attracted her attention are gone.</i><br /><br />The last sentence, throws me a little. Other than fairies and flowers, who's in the woods with Annabel? From the tone, I got the impression she was alone (except for the fairies). Are the fairies the ones Annabel is unsure of?<br /><br />Over all, I think the story could appeal to those into the fantasy (fae) genre. However, the pitch could use a bit of clarity.<br /><br />Annabel has no idea how close her family really are or who to trust. <i> Grammar is off in this sentence. Family is singular, so IS instead of ARE</i>.Reena Jacobshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16860984511692822921noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-10889093043390842232011-09-29T16:14:38.947-04:002011-09-29T16:14:38.947-04:00This has some interesting elements to it, the flow...This has some interesting elements to it, the flowers and fairies both draw you in. I do agree with someone who said in an earlier post that they got a little confused with the second sentence. I had to read it several times too. Also, a little more detail would draw me in even more.Kim L.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-22008613327074462272011-09-24T06:21:46.299-04:002011-09-24T06:21:46.299-04:00I'd say Maybe. I agree with other people who s...I'd say Maybe. I agree with other people who said it needs more tension. "Getting distracted" isn't compelling enough for me, even though I like the sound of the disappearing flowers.Andrea Mackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15250681746122381149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-36387648913433205572011-09-22T23:51:23.010-04:002011-09-22T23:51:23.010-04:00Hi Susanna. Just to let you know I have completed...Hi Susanna. Just to let you know I have completed your first photo challenge on the theme 'Confusion'. It's suitable for children 0-12 years. I hope you like it! :)<br /><br />You'll find it here at:-<br /><br />http://debbie-johansson.com/Debbiehttp://debbie-johansson.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-88290823283796127502011-09-22T22:48:35.303-04:002011-09-22T22:48:35.303-04:00I'm a Maybe, and I second Ms Saba :)I'm a Maybe, and I second Ms Saba :)Kelleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03237422917705115205noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-58845171145744643942011-09-22T22:22:19.029-04:002011-09-22T22:22:19.029-04:00I'd say maybe, only because I normally don'...I'd say maybe, only because I normally don't read any fantasy MGs. But one that addresses a vanishing species of plants? Now that very firmly caught my attention and would persuade me to start reading those all-important first few pages. :)Michelle Fayardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05323853315988838877noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-47511084606056612962011-09-22T11:54:20.140-04:002011-09-22T11:54:20.140-04:00This pitch certainly draws me in. I think that Jes...This pitch certainly draws me in. I think that Jess's suggestion of rewording is worth taking up. I'd also like to see a bit more tension earlier on in the pitch but it's a definite yes from me :-)Rosalind Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05363027308436257933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-84864002220540054032011-09-21T21:49:24.491-04:002011-09-21T21:49:24.491-04:00I would! I'm always up for a mystery and this ...I would! I'm always up for a mystery and this sounds like something my daughter would want to read.Tracy MacDonaldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03615611919340469444noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-78920948101836396852011-09-21T20:41:16.035-04:002011-09-21T20:41:16.035-04:00Brooke - thank you for the smooches :)
Laura - th...Brooke - thank you for the smooches :)<br /><br />Laura - thank you for the awards! My cup runneth over this week :)<br /><br />Jenny, Brooke, Jess, Clar, Kim, Ms. Saba, and Stina - thank you all for your very helpful comments for Catherine :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17655630528649780363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-5467815261718795542011-09-21T20:16:45.997-04:002011-09-21T20:16:45.997-04:00Thanks everyone, I do need to work out how to put ...Thanks everyone, I do need to work out how to put some urgency in. Great feedback.Catherine Johnsonhttp://catherinemjohnson.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-88031246141180339612011-09-21T19:26:30.404-04:002011-09-21T19:26:30.404-04:00I wouldn't read it BUT that's only because...I wouldn't read it BUT that's only because I prefer to read YA novels, especially edgy YA novels. <br /><br />Love the theme idea (especially since I'm a photographer). :DStinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11415189347501942340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-18232254344614059342011-09-21T16:00:41.090-04:002011-09-21T16:00:41.090-04:00It does sound interesting with things disappearing...It does sound interesting with things disappearing and all, however I did not sense any kind of urgency. I think knowing her age would create that since of urgency, a six year old who can't find her family is a lot scarier than a sixteen year old who can't find her family even though both would be a frightening experience. And the last part about not knowing who to trust, again, there was no mention of any danger except that flowers were disappearing. I wish you the best of luck with your pitch and story! :)Ms Saba (aka Teacher007.5)https://www.blogger.com/profile/06953870191367835120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-67880371978411187512011-09-21T15:43:49.544-04:002011-09-21T15:43:49.544-04:00Hey, Susanna, I gave you two awards on my blog tod...Hey, Susanna, I gave you two awards on my blog today.Laura Barneshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04237841462234396752noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-25973638029092565002011-09-21T15:29:46.601-04:002011-09-21T15:29:46.601-04:00I love this idea! Flowers disappearing and the pos...I love this idea! Flowers disappearing and the possibility of fairies involved. I think the first sentence flowed well, but the second sentence I had to say aloud a couple of times because of the wording. There are so many great elements here, making this sound like a very fascinating story!!Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14469312477524652967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-4175617239091971872011-09-21T14:12:44.871-04:002011-09-21T14:12:44.871-04:00Yes, the fantasy element is there but the pitch so...Yes, the fantasy element is there but the pitch sounds too repetitive with the use of the word distracts used twice. Not sure what to substitute in there instead though since I haven't read the book. Could you look under synonyms? :) Otherwise it would be good.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-24706466829420340582011-09-21T14:10:51.463-04:002011-09-21T14:10:51.463-04:00Hi Brooke, always lovely to hear from you.
And tha...Hi Brooke, always lovely to hear from you.<br />And thanks Jess that's a great help. It definitely has more tension that way, thanks!<br /><br />How super is Susannah for doing this. There's always plenty of fun around here :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-84808991082517863242011-09-21T10:47:14.630-04:002011-09-21T10:47:14.630-04:00I agree with Brooke~ you mention fairies in the pi...I agree with Brooke~ you mention fairies in the pitch, so I assume it's fantasy :) This sounds great! You might think about saying, "Annabel gets distracted by flowers and faires and loses her family in the woods" instead of "and cannot find her family..." It makes sense either way, but it's one less word when you say "loses" and creates more tension :) Then again, maybe she didn't lose them in the first place, so I'll go ahead and shut my trap. This sounds fun!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14121018905141253640noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-16220296121017694962011-09-21T10:24:44.092-04:002011-09-21T10:24:44.092-04:00Yay, Catherine! I'm very excited to be friend...Yay, Catherine! I'm very excited to be friends with both of you, and to see Catherine's pitch. Since I've read part of The Fairy Wood, I must say a resounding YES! Catherine, I think the mention of fairies and disappearing flowers is a hint at the fantasy element. Anything more would be overkill. <br /><br />Smooches to you both.Brooke Rousseauhttp://www.brookerousseau.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-17103650220843257152011-09-21T09:29:53.956-04:002011-09-21T09:29:53.956-04:00Oh wow thanks Jenny! I was just thinking I haven&#...Oh wow thanks Jenny! I was just thinking I haven't hinted at the fantasy element. Thank you.catherinemjohnson.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14682281308178996823noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-36241652740397525692011-09-21T07:57:10.030-04:002011-09-21T07:57:10.030-04:00I love that pitch. Even better, that is my daughte...I love that pitch. Even better, that is my daughter's name so I would totally be on board! :) Your books look amazing!Jenny Sulpiziohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02342084273010867434noreply@blogger.com