tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post2834442163819360654..comments2024-02-25T10:47:13.049-05:00Comments on Susanna Leonard Hill: Would You Read It Wednesday #87 - Story Bored (MG) PLUS Straight From The Editor and The April Pitch Pick Winner!Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17655630528649780363noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-44852250916832065382013-05-09T10:19:17.928-04:002013-05-09T10:19:17.928-04:00Thanks for your thoughts for James, Sue! :)
...Thanks for your thoughts for James, Sue! :)<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-57363296198143798872013-05-09T09:20:19.912-04:002013-05-09T09:20:19.912-04:00:)
Settings
...:)<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Settings<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />.Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-14197435084925715442013-05-09T09:19:42.232-04:002013-05-09T09:19:42.232-04:001. It is! Yummy!2. Thank you - I'm sorry too ...1. It is! Yummy!2. Thank you - I'm sorry too - but these things happen, I guess3. I agree! Everyone is so creative and talented!4. I agree again!5. Yay!6. I'm sure James will be glad you think so!:) <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-40284445013491481172013-05-09T09:17:45.535-04:002013-05-09T09:17:45.535-04:00Congratulations again, Pam! It was a good pitch ...Congratulations again, Pam! It was a good pitch :) Help yourself to cake, and thanks so much for your helpful comments for James. Sisters Grimm was very popular in our house too! <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-71234085558779020412013-05-09T09:16:18.781-04:002013-05-09T09:16:18.781-04:00Thanks for your thoughts for James, Genevieve - ve...Thanks for your thoughts for James, Genevieve - very helpful, and good questions! <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-1541859870232145512013-05-09T09:15:21.854-04:002013-05-09T09:15:21.854-04:00Thanks for bumming along with me, Teresa :) Glad ...Thanks for bumming along with me, Teresa :) Glad you like the cake, too. And thanks for your very thoughtful and helpful comments for James! <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-5254181900901815102013-05-09T09:09:48.258-04:002013-05-09T09:09:48.258-04:00Help yourself to as much cake as you like, Pam :) ...Help yourself to as much cake as you like, Pam :) ANd I don't feel patient at all! But what can you do? I'm just hoping they'll get it sorted out soon.... <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-16006795849618383552013-05-09T09:08:42.541-04:002013-05-09T09:08:42.541-04:00Thanks so much for your helpful comments for James...Thanks so much for your helpful comments for James, Pam! :)<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-55181828695550874412013-05-09T09:04:59.467-04:002013-05-09T09:04:59.467-04:00I'm glad you enjoyed the jingle contest, Vivia...I'm glad you enjoyed the jingle contest, Vivian - yours was such fun! :) I hope the glitch will be worked out soon - I'm sure Bloomsbury is anxious to get it fixed too :) Glad you found Erin's comments helpful, and thanks for your helpful suggestions for James! <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-40152551452463815002013-05-09T08:54:49.844-04:002013-05-09T08:54:49.844-04:00Help yourself to as much cake as you like, Penny :...Help yourself to as much cake as you like, Penny :) and thanks for your comments for James. I'm disappointed about the digital glitch and hope CSWS will be up an running very soon, but I guess that's part of being in the first 4 to be launched - it's such an honor to have been chosen, but sometimes there are kinks that have to be worked out :) <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-2830557824394599722013-05-09T08:52:30.800-04:002013-05-09T08:52:30.800-04:00Thanks for your suggestions for Mr. Radke, Erik. ...Thanks for your suggestions for Mr. Radke, Erik. And fingers crossed the digital glitch will be sorted out soon for CSWS! <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-59882557646908729132013-05-09T08:45:21.547-04:002013-05-09T08:45:21.547-04:00Thanks for your very helpful comments for James, S...Thanks for your very helpful comments for James, Sian! :)<br /><br /><br /><br />Settings<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />A new comment was posted on Susanna Leonard HillSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-31733259977853670962013-05-08T23:58:58.149-04:002013-05-08T23:58:58.149-04:00I have to be honest and say it took me a few reads...I have to be honest and say it took me a few reads to really understand this pitch. I think it is too long and not concise enough. However I do like the 'trapped inside a book' storyline and think it definitely has potential as a story.Siannoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-55638097764877221582013-05-08T20:11:22.014-04:002013-05-08T20:11:22.014-04:00Yes, I'd read the book, but the pitch is quite...Yes, I'd read the book, but the pitch is quite long.Maybe not have SO many what's-wrongers (maybe take out the Humpty Dumpty one - It took me a bit to understand that?)?<br /><br />Good luck on CSWS! :DThis Kid Reviews Bkshttp://twitter.com/ThisKid_Eriknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-90909925361113527472013-05-08T18:44:37.533-04:002013-05-08T18:44:37.533-04:00thank you for the kind words and the great ideas f...thank you for the kind words and the great ideas for polishing it up for the next draft.<br />JimJamesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-71138285415094722122013-05-08T18:43:13.642-04:002013-05-08T18:43:13.642-04:00thank you for the kind words and the great ideas f...thank you for the kind words and the great ideas for v2.0<br />JimJamesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-41454951806843019312013-05-08T18:19:00.337-04:002013-05-08T18:19:00.337-04:00I want a piece of that cake really bbbaaaaadddd! I...I want a piece of that cake really bbbaaaaadddd! I love chocolate, and I love marshmallows.<br /><br />Susanna, I do hope the E-book becomes available soon. I feel badly for you! You had this wonderful hare-brained promotion and then a glitch!!! <br /><br />Congrats to Pam!!!! And how nice it is to have Erin's input on pitches every month...a real learning experience for us!<br /><br />James, I can tell from your pitch that you have a fun idea. The pitch does need polishing. I didn't read all the comments in detail, but as I scrolled down, I saw that one person suggested you begin your pitch with something more interesting than "The book narrator has a problem." I agree with that. You are telling instead of showing. Move right on to the problem in your pitch and tempt us to grab that book right off of the shelf and take it home.pennyklostermannnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-53028330126900409512013-05-08T16:04:25.948-04:002013-05-08T16:04:25.948-04:00The jingle contest was fun, Susanna...not having t...The jingle contest was fun, Susanna...not having the ebook available is a mere glitch/hitch that will no doubt soon be resolved.:)<br /><br />Congratulations to Pam on winning the pitch pick!<br /><br />Erin's comments to Erik were helpful...especially since she actually gave what she felt was a 'perfect pitch' for that story...and CONGRATS to Erik who will be participating via Skype at the Asian Festival of Children's Content later this month!!!<br /><br />James, I am definitely intrigued with your story idea...I haven't read the other comments, but I would say that you might want to tighten the pitch up.<br /><br />Here's an idea:<br /><br />After changing the content in every story on the shelf, boy writer (his name) goes missing - rumor has it that he is being held in a book. Can they find a writer to rescue him - or will (boy writer's name) be trapped between the pages forever?<br /><br /><br />Hope this helps a bit.:)Vivian Kirkfieldhttp://twitter.com/viviankirkfieldnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-16555319872365444492013-05-08T14:50:48.026-04:002013-05-08T14:50:48.026-04:00BTW, Susanna, that cake looks soooooo good. I thi...BTW, Susanna, that cake looks soooooo good. I think I may need to make a Publix run to their bakery dept. You're exhibiting great patience with your e-book. I would be crawling the walls! Proud of you, Susanna!Pamela Courtneynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-86039030887243453152013-05-08T14:48:44.857-04:002013-05-08T14:48:44.857-04:00Okay, now I get it. The narrator of THIS story ha...Okay, now I get it. The narrator of THIS story has learned that the original fairy tales have been changed by an eight year old author. This sounds hilarious! It's a definite yes for me! However, the last line isn't needed. Love, love the idea of needing another writer to rescue the original author. Like the idea that the narrator is the first to recognize there's a problem on his bookshelf. Not unLike my comment, the pitch is too long. So much good stuff, I don't want to say what should be deleted. Maybe after the Old Lady name change (which needs shortening), just say, "and other changes" or "and that's not all" or something like that. By now, we get the gist. Still, I know this is going to be a really good laugh out loud read.Pamela Courtneynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-85500948228342086592013-05-08T13:49:59.372-04:002013-05-08T13:49:59.372-04:00I'm bummed for you that the ebook launch didn&...I'm bummed for you that the ebook launch didn't go off without a hitch, but know that it is totally worth waiting for! The cake is fabulous! Reminds me of the sheep in "Wallace & Gromit: A Close Shave"...LOL!<br /><br />Congrats to Pam for winning the pitch pick! And terrific comments from Erin!<br /><br />I think James' story sounds interesting and it is probably something I would read (because it sounds like a fractured fairy tale). However, I don't think editors would like a synopsis that starts off with "the narrator." It sounds so dry and clinical (I enjoy reading dry science articles in professional journals, but not in a novel). Also if "none of those things are the real problem," then don't mention them. Get to the nitty of the main cord of the story. James' story has a fascinating premise (the reader is two steps removed from the MC, filtered by the perceptions of an anonymous narrator) but it is a difficult one to get across in just a few lines. I hope I'm not too blunt...I attended an amazing query critique session by Jill Corcoran this past Sunday and she rubbed off on me a little. LOL! She's terrific but oh so blunt. <br /><br />Also, this will need to be shortened by a good bit (so take out the extraneous stuff). But, overall, I think James has a gem of a story idea here so please do keep working on it!Teresa Robesonhttp://teresarobeson.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-7503776287434662402013-05-08T13:28:51.732-04:002013-05-08T13:28:51.732-04:00This pitch seems a little long - starting out tell...This pitch seems a little long - starting out telling what is NOT the problem. But, I'm a yes. I would read it. Playing with familiar stories is fun. I'm also wondering how the narrator and the boy are connected? Friends? Brother and sister?Genevievenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-36118559947642832192013-05-08T13:25:17.844-04:002013-05-08T13:25:17.844-04:00Thanks for the tip,Thanks for the tip,Jamesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-90318273380507060422013-05-08T11:58:00.748-04:002013-05-08T11:58:00.748-04:001. That cake looks FUN, FAB, . . . and FLUFFY.
2....1. That cake looks FUN, FAB, . . . and FLUFFY.<br />2. Sorry that the e-launch didn't go according to plan. <br />3. The jingles have been a delight to read/watch.<br />4. Erin's comments are always helpful.<br />5. Yay, Pam!<br />6. I think the pitch sounds interesting.nrhatchnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-45813980551969677472013-05-08T11:29:09.043-04:002013-05-08T11:29:09.043-04:00you and me both darn it allyou and me both darn it alldelores @ thefeatherednestnoreply@blogger.com