tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post1112003205799252432..comments2024-02-25T10:47:13.049-05:00Comments on Susanna Leonard Hill: Would You Read It Wednesday #104 - The Garden Disaster (PB) PLUS Straight From The EditorSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17655630528649780363noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-65748142332772637372013-09-17T18:00:51.995-04:002013-09-17T18:00:51.995-04:00Hey Susanna! Good job cleaning your office. You ar...Hey Susanna! Good job cleaning your office. You are ahead of me for sure. ;) Kathy, I like your pitch a lot. I think Basil is a darling name for a bee. So cute! I would recommend tightening the pitch to focus on the central problem. Right now you tell us (at least) three problems: trouble with his mother, trouble with the cat, and trouble with the new (undefined) beast. It's a little too much mystery for me. I want to know who and what to cheer for in a pitch. But this sounds like a wonderful story, and I would definitely keep reading. All the best!Hannah Holtnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-56327430217509521092013-09-12T06:24:27.264-04:002013-09-12T06:24:27.264-04:00You're very welcome, Kathy! And do check back...You're very welcome, Kathy! And do check back for the next couple days - we always get some comments in after Wednesday... <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-23934956315687313922013-09-12T06:23:18.190-04:002013-09-12T06:23:18.190-04:00Oh yeah, I do that too! And the worst thing is it...Oh yeah, I do that too! And the worst thing is it's usually the office I dump things in because it's out of sight of the rest of the house - I can close the door and no one can see the disaster area :) Which is how I got into this mess to begin with! :) <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-73632982726500774142013-09-12T05:55:56.151-04:002013-09-12T05:55:56.151-04:00Thank you all for all your great thoughts :)
Thank...Thank you all for all your great thoughts :)<br />Thank you Susanna for letting me post a pitch here :)<br />Now I'm off to digest all this information and hopefully my brain will process it in the right direction!Kathynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-1392966044256052442013-09-12T05:50:18.345-04:002013-09-12T05:50:18.345-04:00lol...Sounds better than what I do...lol
I just mo...lol...Sounds better than what I do...lol<br />I just move things from one room to another and another and another :)Kathynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-24700861304923265662013-09-11T20:01:27.976-04:002013-09-11T20:01:27.976-04:00You are so funny, Kathy :) Basil has become Jasm...You are so funny, Kathy :) Basil has become Jasmine... :)<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-1528403293999819252013-09-11T19:59:55.384-04:002013-09-11T19:59:55.384-04:00Thanks so much for chiming in for Kathy, Donna! :)...Thanks so much for chiming in for Kathy, Donna! :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-56397521236367155342013-09-11T19:59:21.267-04:002013-09-11T19:59:21.267-04:00I'm afraid to ask what might happen when a dog...I'm afraid to ask what might happen when a dog eats cilantro Stacy.... Thanks for your thoughts for Kathy, and good luck cleaning your office. Maybe your little helper will give you a hand :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-4527880788923962002013-09-11T19:57:42.753-04:002013-09-11T19:57:42.753-04:00Chocolate and pumpkin probably go very well togeth...Chocolate and pumpkin probably go very well together Clar. They are both in the Halloween food group :) I am burned out on office cleaning. No more!!! THanks for your thoughts for Kathy :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-59322127024918401692013-09-11T19:56:18.944-04:002013-09-11T19:56:18.944-04:00Thanks so much for your thoughts for Kathy, Rosi -...Thanks so much for your thoughts for Kathy, Rosi - very helpful! :)<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-47974263858602505642013-09-11T19:55:24.423-04:002013-09-11T19:55:24.423-04:00Thanks, Stacy! You're sweet to keep up! :) I...Thanks, Stacy! You're sweet to keep up! :) I hope you've been enjoying the end of summer and doing lots of fun stuff! Thanks so much for your comments for Kathy!Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-61786881707466063912013-09-11T19:53:50.869-04:002013-09-11T19:53:50.869-04:00Yeah. I don't think you really want me Kathy....Yeah. I don't think you really want me Kathy. I am NOT a good cleaner. I'm entirely too tempted to shove things in the closet and behind the piano just so they're out of sight :) And I make up filing systems that make sense at the time but then later I can't figure out what my plan was :) <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-58226250860911282292013-09-11T19:50:11.009-04:002013-09-11T19:50:11.009-04:00Thanks for your thoughts for Kathy, Pat. And I le...Thanks for your thoughts for Kathy, Pat. And I learned classical piano. I'm not much good at jamming with the family - they're all much better than I am! - but I can pick out pretty much any tune by ear :) <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-56711163176177405822013-09-11T19:47:25.629-04:002013-09-11T19:47:25.629-04:00Don't feel inadequate, Wendy! It's taken ...Don't feel inadequate, Wendy! It's taken me weeks! I am not making that up either. I wish I were :) And I'm not even done! Enjoy the milkshake and the day! :) <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-55311329907210926562013-09-11T19:45:26.737-04:002013-09-11T19:45:26.737-04:00Go, Vivian, go! I know how hard that process is, ...Go, Vivian, go! I know how hard that process is, but you can do it! And what a reward in the end :) I'm sure your piano is glad not to be left behind :) Thanks for your helpful comments for Kathy!Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-78918445706628646672013-09-11T19:42:52.774-04:002013-09-11T19:42:52.774-04:00Glad you liked Erin's comments, Julie, and don...Glad you liked Erin's comments, Julie, and don't be too jealous... it took me weeks. Literally. From start to almost finish. It was a horror! :) Thanks for you helpful thoughts for Kathy :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-61265003439735342542013-09-11T19:40:52.786-04:002013-09-11T19:40:52.786-04:00Thanks so much for your take on Kathy's pitch,...Thanks so much for your take on Kathy's pitch, Catherine! And no... you don't want a recording of me playing the piano... To start with it's out of tune. And I'm out of practice because it's been buried under books and mss and laundry baskets full of my son's stuff from his dorm room etc for some time :) <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />SettingsSusanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-60193601967167547062013-09-11T19:37:58.903-04:002013-09-11T19:37:58.903-04:00Thanks for your helpful comments for Kathy, Teresa...Thanks for your helpful comments for Kathy, Teresa, and for cheering me on in my office-cleaning efforts :) I'm glad you enjoyed Erin's comments and the milkshake :)Susanna Leonard Hillhttp://susannahill.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-14752178901939896772013-09-11T17:29:55.706-04:002013-09-11T17:29:55.706-04:00Okay, so poor Basil has now become Jasmine (I actu...Okay, so poor Basil has now become Jasmine (I actually had her in my original, but the crit group thought I should focus on Basil only...so Jasmine got deleted :( Well she's back! lol). Now how to gap the cat and new hairy beast? Unless I get rid of the cat? He did play a role in the story as the first obstacle, and then I added a new beast as another obstacle...so much to think about. What to do...what to do??? :)Kathynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-21715321605102118912013-09-11T17:04:00.562-04:002013-09-11T17:04:00.562-04:00Yep, I'd read it and agree with the mentioned ...Yep, I'd read it and agree with the mentioned fixes. I kind of like the idea of weaving bee facts into the story.Donna L Saddnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-11838915291072990312013-09-11T16:27:29.849-04:002013-09-11T16:27:29.849-04:00I feel for Basil. One of our dogs ate cilantro yes...I feel for Basil. One of our dogs ate cilantro yesterday and I had some explaining to do! <br />I'm a yes. Is the problem the hairy beast or the cat? I think that needs to be clear, because I'm confused on which one really provides the conflict for Basil. As written, I don't feel like he's addressed the cat issue. <br />Congrats on the clean office! Mine is a M-E-S-S! Sigh.Stacy S. Jensennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-73465390709752849392013-09-11T16:20:03.813-04:002013-09-11T16:20:03.813-04:00OH my tummy! After the pumpkin roll I ate for brea...OH my tummy! After the pumpkin roll I ate for breakfast and now the chocolate milk shake!ohhh!<br /><br /><br />Do you clean other people's offices, Susanna? Please come over. :)<br /><br /><br />As for the pitch. I agree with the others. And you have a good pitch after taking all that advice. I think it is a cute idea for both fiction and non fiction. Maybe you have two books?Clarbojahnnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-24900031973048406332013-09-11T16:18:03.410-04:002013-09-11T16:18:03.410-04:00I am a maybe on this one. I think the pitch needs ...I am a maybe on this one. I think the pitch needs to be more succinct and there should probably only be one conflict in a book for very young children. I am also confused about how a cat or other creature can disrupt a bee. Good luck with this.Rosinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-81648541179965780402013-09-11T15:35:49.669-04:002013-09-11T15:35:49.669-04:00Been a while, so CONGRATS! New Grandbaby, hubby...Been a while, so CONGRATS! New Grandbaby, hubby's music blowing up, choc milkshakes--all great things.<br /><br />Kathy, it sounds like a sweet story. I'd keep it fiction if you want it to be fiction, just with some verisimilitude. But mostly, I'd keep it simple: one central conflict, one antagonist, one to two sentences for the pitch.Stacy Couchhttp://twitter.com/couchminenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1007703247358638748.post-70528787091809787712013-09-11T14:48:53.870-04:002013-09-11T14:48:53.870-04:00I wouldn't make it an educational book, and di...I wouldn't make it an educational book, and didn't mean to imply that. Your concept is adorable. Just call the bee a girl and keep the basic story line. Course you'd have to change the wonderful name of Basil, but use it elsewhere maybe?Linda Boydennoreply@blogger.com