September 4, 2013

Would You Read It Wednesday #103 - Upside Down In Frown Town (PB)


After 20 odd years of going to school myself, plus the additional years of having 5 children start school ranging from preschool to doctoral candidacy, plus being married to a teacher, I suppose it's not really surprising that in many ways September feels like the start of a new year.

It's inspiring and refreshing and invigorating!

It fills me with energy to write new stories!!

It makes me believe I can actually clean my office - this time for real!!!

(But let's face it... it's not magic :)  If I ever ACTUALLY finish cleaning my office I'll show you a picture :)  I think I'll have to, just to prove I really did it :))

So with all that energy and inspiration just waiting to be tapped, let's all make a plan to write something great today, shall we?  I think we can do it!

Of course we'll be able to do it better with Something Chocolate... :)  Can I tempt you with torte?


Dark chocolate is good for you.

That is a scientifically proven fact.

:)

Now then, onto today's pitch which comes to us from Kirsti.  Kirsti is a writer, a reader, a mother of five, a marriage and family therapist, and her first picture book is coming out with Character Publishing this fall.   It's called:"The Raindrop Who Couldn't Fall."  Her blog/website is www.kirsticall.com. 

Here is her pitch:

Working Title: Upside Down In Frown Town
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-8)
The Pitch: Where Sam lives, smiling is frowned upon. But, no matter what he tries, he can't wipe the smile off his face. Even a frowning contest doesn't make a frowner out of Sam. But the idea of a challenge may be just what he needs to turn the town around.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Kirsti improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in September, and we are IN September! so we're pretty desperate for some new pitches!  Send yours for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Kirsti is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to writing!

Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone!!!

Oh, and P.S.  For those of you wondering about Perfect Picture Books, we will be starting up again, but I can't do it until next week, Sept. 13.  Anyone who wants to go ahead without me on Friday Sept. 6 is welcome to, but I've just got too much going on to pretend I'm going to pull it off! :)

85 comments:

  1. Carrie Charley BrownSeptember 4, 2013 at 6:30 AM

    I have been lucky enough to read and critique this story many times. It is truly delightful, and YES, I would read it again! I like this pitch, but was thrown by the last line. It goes from being all about Sam to helping the whole town in one sentence. Maybe something to the effect of...When he can't change himself, he decides to change the town instead...

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  2. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 6:42 AM

    Thanks so much for your encouraging and positive comments, Carrie, and your helpful advice. You've made me want to read it even more :)

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  3. Iza TrapaniSeptember 4, 2013 at 7:40 AM

    The story sounds wonderful! And the pitch works well. I love "smiling is frowned upon, and "can't wipe the smile off his face." I'd like to see a little more fun language in that last line. Great job on keeping it precise!

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  4. Teresa RobesonSeptember 4, 2013 at 8:30 AM

    Even before I read the other ladies' comments, I thought the pitch was pretty perfect (perfect pitch...hey! LOL!). It's short, mentions the relevant info -- MC name, problem, hint at resolution -- and is enticing. So, yes, I'd definitely read this, even if you've not thrown in that torte! Is that a Sacher torte? :).

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  5. sue heavenrichSeptember 4, 2013 at 9:08 AM

    I love the idea of a frowny town. Their motto must be: turn that smile upside down! I would definitely read this.

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  6. Lauri MeyersSeptember 4, 2013 at 9:12 AM

    I like it! Could you flip this sentence "Even a frowning contest doesn't make a frowner out of Sam" to the positive and put Sam in an active roll? Like... Sam's smile even smirks out at the Frowning Contest.

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  7. Cathy C. HallSeptember 4, 2013 at 9:27 AM

    Yes, that first line is a terrific hook! I'd read it just because the word play right from the start tells me this writer has talent.


    And P.S. I feel the same way about September. I can't help sharpening all the pencils on my desk (assuming I can find them.)

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  8. Pam BrunskillSeptember 4, 2013 at 9:56 AM

    Yes, September definitely feels like a new year--Shanah Tovah, a real happy new year to those celebrating! I actually really like the pitch! I would read it.

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  9. Stacy S. JensenSeptember 4, 2013 at 9:58 AM

    Susanna, you made me laugh with your last line! I'm like the others seems pretty perfect. If you rework the last line, maybe cut out the BUT. You use that twice in the pitch. Good luck. Happy writing to all this fall!

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  10. Vivian KirkfieldSeptember 4, 2013 at 9:59 AM

    Yes to Tortes!
    Yes to a new school year and all the memories it invokes!
    Yes to Kristi's fantastic pitch. What a great story idea! I loved Carrie's pitch fix...although, as everyone mentioned, it was pretty darn perfect. :) I would definitely read this!

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  11. WendiSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:04 AM

    Yes I would read it! The pitch is good. The only thing I was uncertain of is that the first half of the pitch sounds like Sam's goal is to stop smiling ("no matter what he tries, he can't wipe the smile off his face"). The end sounds like he wants to change the town to a smiling place. I'm guessing that's his true goal, so maybe the first part of the pitch needs to indicate that more. Maybe something like "no matter what happens to him, he can't seem to wipe the smile off his face" (if that fits your plot). Just an idea! Good luck!

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  12. CatherineSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:05 AM

    I love it! That sounds like a fun story. And yummy cake. I always find the change from summer to autumn and kids in school so weird. Have a great day!

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  13. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:14 AM

    Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts for Kirsti, Iza!




























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  14. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:15 AM

    Thanks for your comments for Kirsti, Teresa! And it is a YUMMY torte! That is as technical as I get :)

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  15. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:17 AM

    Thanks so much for chiming in, Sue!




























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  16. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:17 AM

    Thanks for your helpful thoughts for Kirsti, Lauri! I think you're right - active is better :)

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  17. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:18 AM

    I'm still looking for my desk.... :)




























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  18. julieSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:24 AM

    You had me at the title! And I like the pitch just the way it is!

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  19. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:25 AM

    Ooh! I learned something new. Shanah Tovah! I like that. Thanks for your comments for Kirsti, Pam! :)

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  20. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:26 AM

    I make myself laugh with the things I think I'm going to get done in a day! :) Thanks for your helpful comments for Kirsti, Stacy, and happy writing to you! :)

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  21. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:27 AM

    Thank you for all the yeses, Vivian :) I'm sure Kirsti will be pleased :)

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  22. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:28 AM

    Thanks for your insightful comments for Kirsti, Wendi! I'm sure she'll find them helpful!


























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  23. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:30 AM

    Thanks for chiming in, Catherine! And I know what you mean - it's especially weird when it feels more summery at the start of school then it did during the summer! Happy writing day to you! :)

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  24. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 10:30 AM

    Thanks, Julie! I'm sure Kirsti will be thrilled! :)



























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  25. Susan HughesSeptember 4, 2013 at 11:24 AM

    I'm a little confused by the last line. He tries to wipe the frown off his face using various methods. Then there is a frowning contest. And then he himself issues some kind of a challenge to the town? I think clarifying the last line would help build the arc being described in the pitch. Good luck, Kirsti!

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  26. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 11:49 AM

    Thanks Susan!

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  27. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 11:49 AM

    Thanks Julie. I'm glad you like it!

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  28. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 11:50 AM

    Thanks Catherine. I hope an editor feel that way too some day!

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  29. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 11:50 AM

    That's a really good point, Wendi! Thanks!

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  30. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 11:51 AM

    Thanks Vivian! I'm glad you liked the pitch!

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  31. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 11:52 AM

    Thanks Stacy, that's helpful! Of course I didn't notice the two "buts" in the pitch:)

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  32. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 11:52 AM

    I'm glad you like the pitch, Pam. Thanks for commenting!

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  33. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 11:54 AM

    Thanks for the encouragement, Cathy :)

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  34. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 11:54 AM

    Active is definitely better! Thanks for your thoughts!

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  35. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 11:56 AM

    Thanks Sue. I actually wrote this story to help my 5 year old turn her frown upside down...even if I only use the story with her, it's worth it. She smiles every time!

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  36. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 11:56 AM

    Thanks Teresa! I'm glad you'd read it!

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  37. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 11:57 AM

    Thanks for your comments, Iza. I'll percolate on the last line:)

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  38. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 11:58 AM

    You are helping me yet again, Carrie!!!

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  39. GenevieveSeptember 4, 2013 at 12:00 PM

    I would definitely read this! I love the title. It sounds like Sam tries to fit in, but realizes that rather than changing to fit in with the rest of the town, he will change the rest of the town to fit in with him. I like a kid with big ideas. Maybe the pitch could give slightly more info about his plan.

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  40. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 12:06 PM

    Thanks for your help Genevieve. I'll think about how I could give more info about his plan....

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  41. Donna L SaddSeptember 4, 2013 at 12:08 PM

    Yes, I'd love to read it, and thought it was perfect. But, I've got to say that Carrie's fix would tie it up in a bow!

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  42. RosiSeptember 4, 2013 at 1:16 PM

    The pitch is perfect and the concept is terrific. Yes, I would absolutely read this one.

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  43. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 1:52 PM

    Thanks Donna, I agree that Carrie's fix is perfect!

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  44. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 1:53 PM

    Thanks Rosi. I'm glad you like it!

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  45. Joanna MarpleSeptember 4, 2013 at 2:11 PM

    Torte is good for any month! And I so believe you CAN clean your office, Susanna!


    Kirsti this sounds a tight, fun story that kids will love. I am jumping in late today, so will just say the advice you have already received about the last line is great. Good luck with this PB.

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  46. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 2:31 PM

    Thanks Joanna! I'm glad you like the premise!

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  47. pennyklostermannSeptember 4, 2013 at 2:55 PM

    Ha! I wrote similar thoughts about school starting/fall in my post yesterday, Susanna!


    I'm with Joanna...I'm jumping in late, and agree that the pitch is pretty perfect and I can't add any advice that hasn't already been mentioned. Sounds like a cute story!

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  48. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 3:28 PM

    Thanks Penny!

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  49. coleen patrickSeptember 4, 2013 at 3:37 PM

    Yes! I imagine even reading this book with a child it would be hard not to smile. Love that. :)

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  50. This_Kid_Reviews_Books_ErikSeptember 4, 2013 at 6:03 PM

    YES!!! I LOVE the idea of that book! It sounds hilarious! I will definitely read it! :D

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  51. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 6:24 PM

    That's what I'm hoping for!

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  52. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 6:24 PM

    I'm glad Erik!

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  53. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 6:30 PM

    Thanks Susanna for the opportunity to post a pitch!

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  54. This_Kid_Reviews_Books_ErikSeptember 4, 2013 at 6:36 PM

    :D

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  55. Patricia TiltonSeptember 4, 2013 at 7:49 PM

    I love the pitch for this book. Yes, I would read it. No advice to add. It says just enough, yet draws you in to want to know more. And, a great title.
    So that means you won't

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  56. Kirsti CallSeptember 4, 2013 at 9:07 PM

    Thanks Patricia. I'm glad you like it!

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  57. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 9:35 PM

    Thanks so much for your comments for Kirsti, Susan. It's so helpful to get outside impressions on things!

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  58. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 9:36 PM

    Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts for Kirsti, Genevieve!



























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  59. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 9:37 PM

    Thanks so much for chiming in, Donna! :)

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  60. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 9:37 PM

    I'm sure Kirsti will be thrilled, Rosi! :)




























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  61. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 9:38 PM

    I have to agree about torte, Joanna :) And thanks so much for your encouragement about my office! I have renewed hope if you think I can do it :)

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  62. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 9:40 PM

    That just goes to show how behind I am this week, Penny! I haven't even gotten to your post... sorry :( I will try! Thanks so much for your comments for Kirsti!

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  63. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 4, 2013 at 9:40 PM

    Thanks for chiming in, Coleen! :)

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  64. pennyklostermannSeptember 4, 2013 at 9:49 PM

    Susanna, you take care. I know you've got lots going on. Don't worry about getting to my post. (I don't even have chocolate :•)

    Hope you life gets back to some shade of normal soon.

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  65. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 5, 2013 at 7:48 AM

    Thanks for your comments for Kirsti, Pat! I'm sure she'll be glad of your positive response!



























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  66. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 5, 2013 at 7:52 AM

    Thanks for your enthusiasm, Erik! :)

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  67. Teresa RobesonSeptember 5, 2013 at 10:38 AM

    Susanna, I had it once in Vienna, but here's a slightly altered recipe by Lydia Bastianich, one of my favorite Italian chefs: http://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/sacher-torte

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  68. RachelSeptember 5, 2013 at 11:36 PM

    Your pitch is great Kirsti. Yes I would read it. Definitely a unique
    storyline. Perhaps you could start with - Smiling is frowned upon in
    Sam's town/village. Your other story - "The Raindrop Who Couldn't Fall"
    sounds interesting too!

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  69. Wendy LawrenceSeptember 6, 2013 at 12:00 PM

    Of COURESE I would read this! Brilliant idea and GREAT pitch. Succinct and well written. Despite my tendency to have an opinion even when I don't know what I'm talking about, I have no suggestions. It's perfect. :)

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  70. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 6, 2013 at 2:47 PM

    That is high praise, Wendy! :) I'm sure Kirsti will be thrilled :)

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  71. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 6, 2013 at 5:06 PM

    Thanks so much for your thoughts for Kirsti, Rachel! :)

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  72. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 8, 2013 at 1:32 PM

    Thank you, Teresa :) This looks a little complicated for my Easy Bake Oven, but if you try it, please send me a slice :)

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  73. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 8, 2013 at 1:34 PM

    You are so sweet, Penny. Thank you so much :)

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  74. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 8, 2013 at 1:35 PM

    You're so welcome, Kirsti! I hope it's been helpful. And thank YOU for being brave enough to pitch! :)

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  75. Tracy CampbellSeptember 8, 2013 at 9:30 PM

    Kirsti, love you perfect pitch. :-)

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  76. Tracy CampbellSeptember 8, 2013 at 9:32 PM

    I meant I "love" your perfect pitch

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  77. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 9, 2013 at 6:13 AM

    Thanks so much for chiming in for Kirsti, Tracy! And so glad to see you over here. It's been a busy summer, hasn't it? Looking forward to getting back to the routine and seeing everyone at they're blogs!


























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  78. Janet JohnsonSeptember 9, 2013 at 10:54 AM

    I can't think of anything to change. Sounds like a cute book, and I'd read it for sure. :)
    And the torte was wonderful, Susanne. Can't wait to see your clean desk! I clean mine every few months or so, but it only lasts a day or two. Sigh.

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  79. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 9, 2013 at 11:17 AM

    Thanks for your comments for Kirsti, Janet! And OH! My office is SO CLOSE to clean! The closest it's probably ever been since we moved into this house... almost 21 years ago :) If I can just finish this time, I WILL post a picture because I'll be so proud of myself! :) But I've gotten close before and then lost it in the home stretch... so wish me luck!


























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  80. Kirsti CallSeptember 9, 2013 at 1:27 PM

    It was definitely helpful!

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  81. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 9, 2013 at 1:56 PM

    Good! :)

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  82. Teresa RobesonSeptember 12, 2013 at 9:46 PM

    "Easy Bake Oven"...you are so funny! I had always wanted one of those when I was a kid. :)

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  83. Susanna Leonard HillSeptember 12, 2013 at 9:49 PM

    There's nothing quite like cooking by lightbulb :)

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  84. Rachel SchieffelbeinOctober 9, 2013 at 10:30 AM

    I'd read this. :) The language in the pitch is very cute and I would imagine the book is well written. Nicely done! :)

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  85. Susanna Leonard HillOctober 9, 2013 at 1:06 PM

    Thanks for chiming in, Rachel :)

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