June 26, 2013

Would You Read It Wednesday #94 - Granola Bars For Dinner (PB) AND Straight From The Editor


You don't have to tell me.

I know my blog has gone to the dogs this week :)  Skipping regular posting days - quel horror! :)  And (I realize this borders on treason) no chocolate today because I don't have any.

But that's because I'm here...
...staying here...
yes, that is Princess Blue Kitty herself! :)
...among the beach plum blossoms....

...with the likes of this little guy in the front yard...
... and my crew of miscreants :)...

...technically on vacation and hanging out with the fam.  (Which means limited work time, so I apologize for any disruption you may be experiencing.  One person reported having to resort to a calendar without my blog posts to remind them what day it was - so very sorry! - things will be back to normal soon :))

Meanwhile, so that you won't have too much blog withdrawal, we have a regular WYRI Wednesday starting with Straight From The Editor for the May Pitch Winner.

You will remember that Sian won the May Pitch Pick with this pitch for Thirsty For Words (PB ages 4-8):

Benedict the Vampire likes nothing more than snacking on a tasty noun.  He’s on a rampage, gobbling up ‘words, whispers, songs and shouts’ until the city is silent.  Who can stop him?  Something furry lurking in the sewer could have the answer….

Here are editor Erin Molta's comments:


This sounds intriguing.
But in order to really snag an editor’s interest you might consider expanding just a tad on the furry creature. Is it a battle of the parts of speech? Does the furry creature relish verbs and likes nothing more than impaling and spearing and stabbing hungry vampires . . . That would provide an hook that is somewhat unique for an editor.
As always, I find Erin's insight very helpful and I hope you do too!

Now, onto today's pitch which comes to us from Alicia.  Alicia is a writer new to children's books, mom of two, who wishes she were a little craftier. You can follow her at aliciafinnnoack.com, where she blogs about books and writing, and on pinterest, where she keeps tabs on fun kid activities: http://pinterest.com/carmilla222/


Working Title: Granola Bars For Dinner
Age/Genre: Picture Book (ages 3-7)
The Pitch: Quentin is a kid who loves granola bars and wishes he could eat them all the time, even for dinner! But when Quentin discovers he is tired of all the regular granola bars at the store, he decides there is just one thing to do: make a new kind of granola bar. A kid-friendly recipe (for pizza granola bars) will be included.

So what do you think?  Would You Read It?  YES, MAYBE or NO?

If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest.  If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Alicia improve her pitch.  Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome.  (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful.  I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)

Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks!  For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.  There are openings in August so we're about ready for some new pitches!  Send yours for your chance to be read by editor Erin Molta!

Alicia is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!  I am looking forward to the 4th of July Secret Mystery Writing Contest which will be starting on Monday!!!  So exciting!  I hope I get an idea and write my sample by then :) and I can't wait to read all of yours!  In case you somehow missed the details and would like to join the fun for a chance at fabulous prizes, hop over HERE and check it out!

Have a wonderful Wednesday, everyone!!! :)


38 comments:

  1. Iza TrapaniJune 26, 2013 at 7:48 AM

    Oh, I feel so sorry for you....Have a wonderful time by the ocean and don't worry about the rest of us here, slaving away :-)


    Pizza granola bars! That sounds very, uh.. interesting! :-) Yes, I would read it. I think the pitch could be a bit more concise (For example, I don't think it's necessary to say "is a kid who") Also, I think it could be a bit more fun and intriguing- maybe hint at the pizza granola bar concoction.

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  2. Wendy GreenleyJune 26, 2013 at 7:55 AM

    Enjoy the vaca, Susanna. We can all live vicariously through that instead of chocolate (and supply our own treats!).

    Today's pitch has an interesting premise, but I'm not sure I felt the emotion. What are the stakes if Quentin doesn't invent pizza granola bars? Will this affect just him, his family, the entire world? Love the interactive recipe idea. Hope this helps.

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  3. Angela BrownJune 26, 2013 at 8:07 AM

    It must be so draining being surrounded by all that bliss-inducing beauty. If it becomes too much, just let me know and we could trade places lol!!

    As for today's WYRI, I think my Chipmunk would definitely want this one. Pizza granola bars would be right up her alley. And I appreciate it takes a character thinking outside the box to address his issue :-)

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  4. PamBrunskillJune 26, 2013 at 8:31 AM

    This was exactly my reaction to the pitch, which is why I'm responding here. It sounds like a solid plot, but what are the stakes? Wendy, just read the SCBWI bulletin and read your poem. It was awesome! Congrats.

    And, Susanna. So sorry you can't blog away this week but must care for that critter at the beach. :)

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  5. Heather DentJune 26, 2013 at 9:08 AM

    Alicia, I agree with much that has already been said. It sounds like an adorable story, but to really hook your readers I think there needs to be more conflict. Perhaps making a new recipe was harder than Quentin expected. Does he become discouraged? Does he make a gigantic mess in the kitchen and worry about what his mother has to say? There's a lot of potential here. I love the idea of incorporating a recipe. I loved books that included ideas for new games and recipes as a kid.

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  6. aliciafinnnoack.comJune 26, 2013 at 9:12 AM

    Thanks for the feedback. I didn't really think about the stakes involved in getting snacks. Around my house, not-the-right-snack often devolves into tantrums :)

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  7. coleen patrickJune 26, 2013 at 9:30 AM

    Granola bars for dinner--that part sticks with me for sure. Very cute!
    How did you get the photo of that bunny, Susanna? Are you a Ninja? I've been seeing bunches on my walks at night, but cannot get within thirty feet!! Enjoy your vacay (I can almost taste mine, it's right around the corner!!!)

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  8. aliciafinnnoack.comJune 26, 2013 at 9:35 AM

    Those are great ideas, thanks!

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  9. This_Kid_Reviews_Books_ErikJune 26, 2013 at 9:46 AM

    Princess Blue Kitty looks black to me... But I am Red-Green Colorblind...

    I would read the book, but I think it needs more food - The steaks MUST be high, or we won't mussel the book! ;)

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  10. aliciafinnnoack.comJune 26, 2013 at 10:06 AM

    I like the idea of expanding on what might be in the pizza granola bars. Thanks!

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  11. nrhatchJune 26, 2013 at 10:33 AM

    Enjoy your vacation . . . looks like a FAB place to hang out with a bunch of miscreants. ;)

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  12. Julie Rowan-ZochJune 26, 2013 at 12:01 PM

    Landlocked and jealous! I would read this, because Bread and Jam for Frances is a favorite, and this sounds a little like it. But I don't hink it has enough punch - tighten the opening and elaborate on the 'new', like trial recipes!

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  13. aliciafinnnoack.comJune 26, 2013 at 12:38 PM

    Hrm, yes, trial recipes - I love that! [making mental note to re-read bread and jam for francis, which I really loved as a kid]

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  14. CatherineJune 26, 2013 at 1:54 PM

    Looks lovely, enjoy!
    I would combine decides to make etc. just to cut pitch a bit. Like it.

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  15. pennyklostermannJune 26, 2013 at 4:50 PM

    I would read, but I think the pitch could be more exciting. It sounds like Quentin has a mind of his own, so I picture some excitement other than the original recipe. I would like to see a glimpse of that.

    Susanna~your vaca sounds like a great time. R & R seems to agree with Princess Blue Kitty. And the bunny...adorable!

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  16. Laura MarcellaJune 27, 2013 at 12:10 PM

    The pitch sounds really cute! I like the idea of including a recipe with the book.

    That beach looks AMAZING! So wish I was there right now. Hope you're enjoying your vacation, Susanna!

    Happy reading and writing! from Laura Marcella @ Wavy Lines

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  17. RosiJune 27, 2013 at 1:45 PM

    I don't know if kids will be excited about granola, but all kids like pizza, so that might be interesting. I think greater conflict would help as well, Good luck with fleshing this one out. Susanna, enjoy the rest of your vacation. It looks like a serene place to be.

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  18. Lauri MeyersJune 28, 2013 at 9:52 AM

    I would like a little something more happening in the pitch. Maybe he becomes a granola bar making chef for all the kids? Maybe he teaches all his teachers how nutritious granola is?

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  19. Susanna Leonard HillJune 28, 2013 at 8:28 PM

    Thanks so much for your thoughts for Alicia, Lauri! :)

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  20. Susanna Leonard HillJune 28, 2013 at 8:40 PM

    Thanks for your thoughts for Alicia, Rosi, and yes, it is a lovely, lovely place to be... I'm sad it's over!


























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  21. Carrie FinisonJune 29, 2013 at 7:48 AM

    I'd love a creative granola bar recipe! For me, though, there doesn't seem to be enough at stake emotionally in this story. I like the fact that he creatively solves his own problem, it's just that the problem doesn't feel very compelling. There needs to be more conflict.


    Also, I'm not sure this needs to be a picture book, necessarily. Think about what the pictures are bringing to the story - if there are a lot of scenes of Quentin in the kitchen cooking, that's not much variety in terms of the visual story being told. It sounds like it could make quite a good magazine story, though. I know Highlights and High Five publish recipes all the time - maybe they would go for a story with a recipe attached.

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  22. Susanna Leonard HillJune 29, 2013 at 7:56 PM

    Thank you for your very helpful input for Alicia, Carrie! :)




























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  23. Susanna Leonard HillJune 29, 2013 at 7:58 PM

    Thanks for chiming in for Alicia, Joanna! And I know... I just love Nantucket. So beautiful!

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  24. Susanna Leonard HillJuly 10, 2013 at 12:36 PM

    Thanks for your comments for Alicia, Julie!

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  25. Susanna Leonard HillJuly 11, 2013 at 8:40 AM

    Thanks for your comments for Alicia, Pam! And I'm soldiering on as best I can :)



























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  26. Susanna Leonard HillJuly 11, 2013 at 9:28 AM

    Thanks so much for your comments for Alicia, Laura! And my vacation was lovely, thanks, though as you can see I'm a bit backlogged :)

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  27. Susanna Leonard HillJuly 11, 2013 at 9:33 AM

    Thanks for your comments for Alicia, Penny! And my vaca was lovely, thank you :)

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  28. Susanna Leonard HillJuly 11, 2013 at 9:36 AM

    Thanks for you comments for Alicia, Teresa! And bunnies are cute! And I'm very sorry about the chocolate - I guess I ate it all :)

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  29. Susanna Leonard HillJuly 11, 2013 at 9:38 AM

    Thanks for your comments for Alicia, Vivian! And my vacation was lovely, thanks, and I'm glad you got an extra day with your daughter :)


























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  30. Susanna Leonard HillJuly 11, 2013 at 9:39 AM

    Thanks for your comments for Alicia, Catherine! And thank you - I enjoyed my vacation thoroughly! :)


























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  31. Susanna Leonard HillJuly 11, 2013 at 9:40 AM

    Thanks for your thoughts for Alicia, Stacy! And yes, bunnies make everything nicer :)

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  32. Susanna Leonard HillJuly 11, 2013 at 9:41 AM

    It was idyllic, thanks! :)



























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  33. Susanna Leonard HillJuly 11, 2013 at 9:43 AM

    Ha ha ha! You are funny, Erik :) Thanks for your comments for Ms. Noack. And Princess Blue Kitty is blue, but very dark blue - indigo blue pearl is her official color. I didn't know you were colorblind. My nephew is too.

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  34. Susanna Leonard HillJuly 11, 2013 at 9:45 AM

    Thanks for your thoughts for Alicia, Coleen! And yes, I'm glad somebody finally noticed that I am a stealth ninja! :) Actually, I think this one thought I wouldn't see it if it stayed very still... and I zoomed the picture in to make it bigger - I wasn't quite that close. Have a great vacation!!!

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  35. Susanna Leonard HillJuly 11, 2013 at 9:45 AM

    Thanks so much for your helpful thoughts for Alicia, Heather!

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  36. Susanna Leonard HillJuly 11, 2013 at 9:46 AM

    Thanks for your comments for Alicia, Angela! And for you offer to help be bear up under the strain :) I soldiered through it heroically, though :)

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  37. Susanna Leonard HillJuly 11, 2013 at 9:48 AM

    Thanks for your comments for Alicia, Wendy, and for bearing up so stoically without chocolate! :)


























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  38. Susanna Leonard HillJuly 11, 2013 at 9:49 AM

    Thanks for your comments for Alicia, Iza. And as you can see by when I'm replying to this, I had a lovely vacation but am swimming against the current trying to catch up :)


























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