Okay. I guess you can't actually see it, but it really says 4!
In my book, that is just too darn cold! Even Scout, whose preferred location is on the back or side porch
So what better way to warm up then with a cup of hot chocolate, some fresh donuts, and a pitch for Would You Read It? Sounds great to me - I've missed Would You Read It over the holidays!
Before I give you today's pitch, I'd like to mention that there are openings available soon for YOUR pitches. I currently only have about 5 in the queue. So please send some in so we can keep up this fun series, and please spread the word to all your writerly friends! :)
Okay. Today's pitch comes to us from the lovely Abby over at Something To Write About. Some of you may also know her as Leigh Covington (her YA alter-ego.) She writes a fabulous blog which I highly recommend. She has a self-proclaimed addiction to chocolate, which is probably how she found Would You Read It in the first place :) and she lives in Utah. Here is her pitch:
Working Title: What If?
Age/Genre: Early Picture Book (ages 2-5)
The Pitch: Little Lucy has a vivid imagination which shines through all of the "what if" questions she asks about the world around her. With her creative perspective on things, the world holds limitless possibilities for both her and the reader.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Abby improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above. SIDE NOTE: Remember, Would You Read It is booked only through January, so there are lots of openings ahead. Please send pitches and spread the word :)
Abby is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!
And don't forget to tune in Friday for Perfect Picture Books and the results of our contest poll (click here to vote if you haven't yet!)!
Sorry, but in this form, I'd have to say No. There are some things about this pitch that do pique my interest, including the "what if" questions, and Lucy's "creative perspective" but at the moment it sounds too vague. I'm not even sure if it is fiction or non-fiction. I wonder if there is a way to suggest a big question Lucy is trying to answer or maybe tell us more about her creative approach?
ReplyDeleteAndrea has a good point about the vagueness of the pitch but I think that, due to the limitless possibilities of Lucy's imagination, it would be a very good book from a visual point of view. With the right illustrations, it would work very, very well.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your input, Andrea! Good suggestions!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Sarah. I think you're right about that!
ReplyDeleteNo. I think What If always works if it is fresh and new...but just What If isn't going to draw me to a book. I need specifics. I need details about Lucy, or the What If, or her creative perspective that would make me want to read this book.
ReplyDeleteSusanna - thanks for the opportunity to be here today. :)
ReplyDeletePenny - that is good feedback, and I appreciate your honesty.
Sarah - You have caught on to the idea behind this book. Perhaps I should be more detailed, but the possibilities from the text reaching to the pictures of this book should be FUN!
Andrea - good points. That will be some areas that I can work on for this pitch. Thank you.
Hi Abby! So I love the concept, but I don't feel like I got a good idea of what will happen in the book based on the pitch. I would love more specifics about the plot.
ReplyDeleteAnd Susanna, wow. 4? That's cold! I've been shivering at 27 where I am. Brrrr . . .
I agree with the other commentors - right now, this pitch is too vague. There are many other PBs with a similar concept so it's important to be clear how this one stands out.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you think 4 is cold, try -20. It warmed up to -11 yesterday. Brrrr
a
You're welcome, Abby :) Thanks for being brave enough to put your pitch out there!
ReplyDeleteWhere are you that it's -20? Ouch!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI am ready for spring!
ReplyDelete(yeah, I know, it's January 4th!)
I'd like more info, too. I think the book idea fits the age group, but I want to know more about the story!
ReplyDeleteHey Abby, I have to agree with everyone else. I would like more info on the little girl and maybe just a taste of her what if questions. Although, what if, is my favorite question to ask.
ReplyDeleteI guess it's just me, but it piqued my interest. Maybe it's because it immediately made me think of my 3 year old nephew who comes up with the most curious, interesting questions.
ReplyDeleteWait! Can I still have a donut?
ReplyDeleteThanks Janet! Very good point! I appreciate your feedback.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree - I don't think I could handle 4! :) Freezing!
Thank you! I agree on these comments. It is going to be good to go back and rework this. Thank you for your input :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for popping over Em, and thanks for the feedback :)
ReplyDeleteSo, can I do that in a pitch? I had examples of her stuff before and was told to take it out. HELP! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Coleen! That is definitely the kind of stuff that inspired this book. It has some fun twists on things, but I think I need to expand a little more in the pitch. Thanks for the comment! I'm glad to know it interests you :)
ReplyDeleteI would read this for sure! I have a six year old daughter who would love this book! We've read Do Princesses Wear Hiking Boots? by Carmela LaVigne Coyle a thousand times, I would love to have more books spurring a little girl's imagination :)
ReplyDeleteLike many others, I love the idea and can imagine it being a beautiful, boisterous book. However, I want to know what the story is. Or is it simply a book of possibilities?
ReplyDeleteOf COURSE you can have a donut! We always have plenty of donuts around here :)
ReplyDeleteEmily, Jenny and Hope - welcome and thanks so much for stopping by! :) Thanks for your comments for Abby (which is maybe what brought you over? :))
ReplyDeleteI like the pitch, but it doesn't go quite far enough. Does Lucy arrive at any ultimate meaning about all the possibilities? Or is there a favorite possibility at the end that she wants readers to take away? Picture books always sum up their theme at the end.
ReplyDeleteMaybe. My comments are pretty much the same as the others. You have piqued my interest but the pitch is a bit vague. I need something catchy/tangible to latch onto. Is it a sentimental book is it funny, i think the mood of the book should be reflected in the language for the pitch.
ReplyDeleteLIKE. I have three children under the age of five and am always looking for ways to spark their imagination. I'm sure Little Lucy would be a hit in our household and I wish Abby all the best in this project.
ReplyDeleteAs a rookie mom, I can imagine this story. I'm interested in learning more about Lucy's world. Are her "what if" questions from the back seat of a car driving down the road? around the house? In grandma's garden? Does her creative perspective put her in conflict with anyone? I know pitches have to be short, but I think some (or all) of your last line could be deleted and those words used for another detail. Thanks for sharing it Abby. I know nothing about pitches, but learn something new with each of these posts (Thanks Susanna)
ReplyDeletePopping in late to say hello. Agree with everyone, it sounds like a lovely story Abby, it's just a bit vague. There's no hook either. Why do we have to read this. I'd love to see a re-vamped version back on here. *waves*
ReplyDeleteLeigh rocks, so I'd for sure read it just because of that.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I think if I didn't know her I'd like to have a little snippet of what her particular "creative perspective" is. Is she into horror? I had monsters in my closet when I was a little girl. Is she into fairies instead? How about interesting creatures like Hagrid would like? Does she see aliens everywhere? Even little children can have a different view of the world, depending upon what they've been exposed to by family and friends. See what I mean?
And by "she" I mean Little Lucy.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback Stacy. :) This is very helpful.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mark! I always appreciate your positive attitude!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I agree with what you are saying. Thanks for the feedback.
ReplyDeleteAhhh - this is different from most responses. It's a good line of thinking that I didn't consider for the pitch. Thanks for the feedback.
ReplyDeleteThanks Julie. Right now it is more a book of possibilities that the child sees in the world, however, a journey could easily be incorporated into the illustrations, for the details are fun and specific in the MS. Thanks for your comment :)
ReplyDeleteAwww! Thank you Hope! I think my daughter needs the Do Princesses Wear Hiking Boots, book. It would suit her. Thanks for popping over. :)
ReplyDeleteI felt he pitch was a bit too open. Where are you going with the "what-if's", Abby?
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of area will Lucy explore?
Try rewording it please.
Jane
"What if" scenarios are always intriguing. Delivered in the perspective of a little one, a toddler, that means there's lots of interesting ways the world can be perceived. That means yes, I would love to read this.
ReplyDeleteThe book sounds wonderful and I love the positivity that comes from the pitch, though I do agree with the suggestions about including some more specifics about what Lucy imagines. Sounds like a fun read though! :-)
ReplyDelete"The Pitch: Little Lucy has a vivid imagination which shines through all of the "what if" questions she asks about the world around her. With her creative perspective on things, the world holds limitless possibilities for both her and the reader."
ReplyDeleteOkay, here are my thoughts. I love the first sentence, but I think the second sentence adds nothing. Leigh is just saying that Little Lucy has a creative perspective and she already told us that she had a vivid imagination in the prior sentence. In my opinion, this is just restating the same thing. And by virtue of asking "what if", aren't you also saying that you believe the world is full of limitless possibilities.
I would completely extricate the second sentence and add a sentence of value. Give us an example...show us the limitless possibilities instead of telling us that possibilities are limitless.
Other than that, I think the pitch is off to a fantastic start.
I agree with many of the other comments. Just need a little more specific info on what "what if" questions Lucy is asking. Sounds like there would be great illustration possibilities!
ReplyDeleteSusanna, I don't know how else to get in contact with you. If you haven't got my pitch for Jan 11h I can put it on this site but could send to you. As i was hacked into, I had to change my yahoo adress. It is jsbuttery@yahoo.ca NO Longer janetruestorybooks. Yahoo cleaned that out when I reported it so I could not email you!
ReplyDeleteIf you reply to my new email I can resend the pitch.
Sorry to have to use this spot bu I could not let you know any other way.
Jane Buttery
I'm so glad if it's helpful! :)
ReplyDeleteOur weather is the complete opposite. The kids can't go skating because the snow is melting. I didn't even have to wear a coat today. On New Years Eve it was freezing.
ReplyDeleteYes, I'd read the book. I'm not sure if it's a good pitch because picture book pitches are so different from ones for YA novels. But the book sounds cute!
I say "yes!" To me, the question of "what if" is right up there with "how about?" and "why not?" which I hear on a daily basis from my own kids. While it's hard to tell from the pitch alone it seems as though this would be a fun story to follow along with and continue well past the pages of the book. For older kids, it could inspire a fun dinner table conversation.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, it was 9 degrees in NJ this morning and I"m with you, Susanna- way too early to be this cold!
I love it! I would love it even more, I think, if there were a specific example or two, so I can get more of a feel for her personality. Awesome job!
ReplyDeleteAnd we pretty much have had zero snow. :'(
I have to say "Maybe". I love the idea of the book, imagination is one of my favorite aspects of life, but the pitch needs a little more imagination, perhaps an example of Lucy's wild imaginings or their effect on those around her. I admit I'd rather she was referred to simply as "Lucy" or as "five-year-old Lucy" (or whatever age she is) rather than "Little" Lucy. But the concept itself is right up my alley. With some tweaking to the pitch, I'd be ready to read.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the feedback Beth! I really appreciate it :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for popping over Peggy - and thanks for the feedback! I need to show Lucy's imagination in the pitch! Very true!
ReplyDeleteThank you Tracy! I'm glad that you like it! I agree - the pitch needs some work, but I'm glad you like the overall idea of the book! :)
ReplyDeleteStina - I want to come live where you are! I hate the cold. Actually - I can't complain. Our winter has been quite mild so far. I am grateful.
ReplyDeleteAnd... thank you for your comment on the pitch. I'm glad you like the idea of the book :)
Thank you Jennifer :) I appreciate the feedback.
ReplyDeleteThank you Michael! This is great input and I completely agree! Thanks for coming by to check it out and leave some feedback :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Cally :D
ReplyDeleteYAY! I'm glad you like the idea. Thanks Angela :D
ReplyDeleteThank you Donna! You always make my day! This is great feedback! Thanks for coming over to comment and help! I appreciate it so much :D
ReplyDeleteAwesome! Thank you Catherine. I think I may have to do that. Spice it up a little bit and try again. That is a good idea. Thanks for sharing :)
ReplyDeleteI'm agreeing with everyone else. I need more concrete details.
ReplyDeleteBut, I can imagine that this would be a really fun book to read. :)
Susanna, I hope you and the dogs are snuggled under a big quilt tonight. OMG, 4 degrees is TOOO cold!
ReplyDeleteOn the pitch, I'd say maybe. Some brief examples showing Lucy's vivid imagination and questions would really bring this to life and grab an editor or reader's attention. Maybe cut out a little of the wordiness, like "Little Lucy has a vivid imagination which shines through all of the "what if" questions" could be tweaked to "Little Lucy's vivid imagination shines through her 'what if' questions".
A definite yes to the idea, which lends itself to all sorts of shenanigans. But I'd give the pitch itself a no in its present form. As others have stated, the pitch reads a little dry and wordy, isn't telling me quite enough about the story, and lacks immediacy. It's showing rather than telling. For example, "Little Lucy has a vivid imagination..." could be tightened up to the more active "Lucy's vivid imagination and wide-eyed 'What if-ing' open up a world of limitless possibilities..." or some such. This will be a fun book for you to write!
ReplyDeleteYes it most certainly is, Tina!!! Hope it's warmer where you are :)
ReplyDeleteSo do we - that picture was taken in October when we got 2 feet - I just needed a visual of Scouty on the porch :)
ReplyDeleteIs there ever a good time for this cold? :)
ReplyDeleteI will say, the first line drew me in though. I immediately thought, "this is going to be exciting," but the second line was rather anti-climatic. Nothing spectacular happened.
ReplyDeleteAs a result, I probably wouldn't read this story. The pitch is well written, but I didn't get a feel for what the story is about. What makes this story unique from other stories? Who is Little Lucy, and I should I care about her?
My reaction would have been: 1) Eyes perked 2) Shoulder shrug 3) Move on to the next book.
I would say I'd maybe read it, but I still don't get what she's wondering about. I like the idea of the book! :)
ReplyDeleteI liked it! Great job Leigh!
ReplyDeleteThanks again Susanna! I think that I should have been smart enough to go over it once more - but that was my doing. All in all - I probably learned more about what makes a good pitch, this way and I am appreciative of the experience! I hope that everyone will give this a try. Great learning experience :) Thanks again!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jennifer :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback Erik :) I do need to expand on that part.
ReplyDeleteGood feedback Reena. Thanks for your honesty :)
ReplyDeleteGreat input Renee! I appreciate it. Thank you. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the feedback Tina. Very helpful!
ReplyDeleteThanks Jenna!
ReplyDeleteAbby, the idea is super but I think the pitch needs to be more concrete and catchy for me to say a yes. I would also check out this site http://myemail.constantcontact.com/2012--The-Year-of-YOUR-Dreams-.html?soid=1101840835111&aid=uk7KCI4HcnI (sorry about long link) as I know that Michelle Nelson Schmidt is about to publish a PN called the Whatif Monster, though clearly your story may be very different. Good luck and I enjoy reading your blog!
ReplyDeleteI think I would read it. I love books about using your imagination. It sounds like it could make for some cute illustrations, too.
ReplyDeleteI am new to this kind of feedback, but there are several others who wanted more specifics and I do too. Is it going to be whimsical or lean more to the scientific, will it invite imagination or just laughter? I would read it, & buy it for young children, but your pitch didn't give much away. Good luck!!
ReplyDeleteHey Abby (aka Leigh) :)! I read your pitch and although I am intrigued about what adventures/creativity I can expect to find in this story...I would have loved to have a few little nuggets or a little peek into what kind of adventures. Give me a little more and I would DEFINITELY want to read it!
ReplyDeleteI'm curious. I'm a teacher-librarian and one of my goals this year (after reading A Place for Wonder and discovering www.wonderopolis.org) was to explicitly work on instilling more ... I don't want to say curiousity, because kids are curious. But more practice with voicing that curiousity and stepping it up a notch to be more than "yes" or "no" answer type questions. Questions they could really learn about and think about. Definite possibility on anything that inspires creativity and outside of the box thinking.
ReplyDeleteThis is a maybe for me. There isn't enough information to make this a serious pitch. It just seems incomplete. What adventures from a why question for instance. Give me more info and I may make it a yes.
ReplyDeleteI'd be inclined to read it but - I'd love to see just one of the 'limitless possibilities.' The pitch is just a bit too vague. As Linda said, is it going to be scientific, artistic, what direction is our little heroine going in?
ReplyDeleteBlessings and best of luck!
Sounds like a good goal! Do you blog?
ReplyDeleteHi Abby - I'm intrigued by Lucy's "creative perspective" so yes, I would probably read this story. I do think you would strengthen your pitch by adding a few specifics to give the prospective reader a better feel for Lucy's world...
ReplyDeleteMAYBE - What would make this a 'YES' for me is if you opened with an example 'What if?" question or gave us a taste of the creativity and inspiration that fills the writing of this book. SHOW us Lily and make us as curious about reading the book as she is curious about the world!
ReplyDeleteSorry - mean't 'Lucy' not 'Lily!'
ReplyDeleteMaybe. I think it would depend upon the artwork.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Susanna. Great goal. This book is full of "What if" questions that she asks her mother. For example: "What if we skiied down the green summer grass, and swam in lakes of ice cream?"
ReplyDeleteI have the greatest illustrations visualized for this book and I think it's fun for kids to think outside of the box and use their creativity. Thanks so much for your comment. :)
Artwork can make or break a book. At least to me. It's so much better when I enjoy the illustrations. Thanks for commenting. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Miranda. That is a really good idea. I appreciate your feedback.
ReplyDeleteThank you Dede! I appreciate your remarks. I see now how my pitch could be strengthened. Thank you for your advice! It is much appreciated :) and... I'm glad that the book sounds like something you would like to read.
ReplyDeleteAh! Good advice! I see what you mean. Thank you so much for the feedback :)
ReplyDeleteCool! Thank you for your honesty! I would love to strengthen this and get your opinion again. :) I appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteFabulous! Thank you so much for your kind remarks and feedback. I think some "little nuggets" would definitely help it out. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Linda! I love the specifics of this comment. I would say it is more on the side of whimsical, and I definitely need to express more of the details. Thank you so much for your feedback. :)
ReplyDeleteAww! Thank you Rachel. I think the illustrations would be fabulous! HA! Of course, I may be a little bias. Still - thank you for the positive feedback. Having kids use their imagination and think outside the box, was the idea behind this book.
ReplyDeleteWOW, Susanna! I can't believe all of the great remarks and feedback. This has been a wonderful learning experience. I just wanted to say "thanks" again! :)
ReplyDeleteNO - based purely on the pitch. MAYBE - based on the idea of it. I don't know enough about it to say, YES I want to read this story.
ReplyDelete"With her creative perspective on things, the world holds limitless possibilities for both her and the reader." One thing that would make it stronger would be to give a few specific examples. I'm also not pulled in by the title. It seems to vague. All writers ask the same question.
Okay, so I'm a little late on this it looks like. But, YES, I would definitely be interested in reading this to my child. It's fun for kids that age to know how natural it is to wonder. And it's a great way for their imagination to take off! :)
ReplyDelete