First, we had our present game on Monday, which got a way bigger response than I expected! I think I will leave it open until the wee hours of Friday morning and then post the winner on Friday, just in case anyone else wants to join in and hasn't had a chance yet. (If that's you, go here.) I got so many amazing, original responses - it was like opening presents for me to see what you all said!
Second, my friend Catherine Johnson and I want to try something fun on Fridays. We will post a theme for the week and then on Friday, you put a photo on your blog that represents that theme and put the url to that post in our comment section (hers or mine or both until we figure out how to do a linky list - turns out they don't seem to work with Safari, which is what I have so...) and then everyone can visit each other's photos to see how they interpreted the theme! I think we might get more than a few writing prompts from this :) Since we both write kidlit, we want to keep the photos in a range appropriate for ages 0-12. This will also separate us from other similar photo game/lists because, as far as we know, no one does a kid one. We hope you'll all think this is fun and join in! This week's theme is "CONFUSION" So search around and find a photo that represents that. It can be a family photo or one you find elsewhere. As we continue, the game may evolve to writing captions or using the photos as prompts, but for now, we're starting simple, and the first week is a bit of a trial run, so please bear with us - but do join in so we can see if it works :)
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for... *dramatic music* ... It's time for Would You Read It!!! (And no, we have not yet decided on an official snack - although muffins warm from the oven are sounding pretty good right about now.... Maybe I'll put up a poll. Or maybe I'll just decide all by myself. But I digress...)
Today's pitch comes to us from the lovely and talented Catherine from Canada - yes! the very same Catherine I'm doing the photo game with (how serendipitous is that? :))
Here is the pitch:
Working Title: The Fairy Wood
Age/Genre: MG
The Pitch: Annabel gets distracted by flowers and fairies and cannot find her family in the woods, but the mystery of the disappearing flowers distracts her even more. Annabel has no idea how close her family really are or who to trust.
So what do you think? Would You Read It? YES, MAYBE or NO?
If your answer is YES, please feel free to tell us what you particularly liked and why the pitch piqued your interest. If your answer is MAYBE or NO, please feel free to tell us what you think could be better in the spirit of helping Catherine improve her pitch. Helpful examples of possible alternate wordings are welcome. (However, I must ask that comments be constructive and respectful. I reserve the right not to publish comments that are mean because that is not what this is about.)
Please send YOUR pitches for the coming weeks! For rules and where to submit, click on this link Would You Read It or on the Would You Read It tab in the bar above.
Catherine is looking forward to your thoughts on her pitch!
And we are both looking forward to your contributions to the photo game on Friday so please come join us :) (With the added incentive of finding out who won the present game!!!)
There will always be plenty of fun around here :)
I love that pitch. Even better, that is my daughter's name so I would totally be on board! :) Your books look amazing!
ReplyDeleteOh wow thanks Jenny! I was just thinking I haven't hinted at the fantasy element. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteYay, Catherine! I'm very excited to be friends with both of you, and to see Catherine's pitch. Since I've read part of The Fairy Wood, I must say a resounding YES! Catherine, I think the mention of fairies and disappearing flowers is a hint at the fantasy element. Anything more would be overkill.
ReplyDeleteSmooches to you both.
I agree with Brooke~ you mention fairies in the pitch, so I assume it's fantasy :) This sounds great! You might think about saying, "Annabel gets distracted by flowers and faires and loses her family in the woods" instead of "and cannot find her family..." It makes sense either way, but it's one less word when you say "loses" and creates more tension :) Then again, maybe she didn't lose them in the first place, so I'll go ahead and shut my trap. This sounds fun!
ReplyDeleteHi Brooke, always lovely to hear from you.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks Jess that's a great help. It definitely has more tension that way, thanks!
How super is Susannah for doing this. There's always plenty of fun around here :)
Yes, the fantasy element is there but the pitch sounds too repetitive with the use of the word distracts used twice. Not sure what to substitute in there instead though since I haven't read the book. Could you look under synonyms? :) Otherwise it would be good.
ReplyDeleteI love this idea! Flowers disappearing and the possibility of fairies involved. I think the first sentence flowed well, but the second sentence I had to say aloud a couple of times because of the wording. There are so many great elements here, making this sound like a very fascinating story!!
ReplyDeleteHey, Susanna, I gave you two awards on my blog today.
ReplyDeleteIt does sound interesting with things disappearing and all, however I did not sense any kind of urgency. I think knowing her age would create that since of urgency, a six year old who can't find her family is a lot scarier than a sixteen year old who can't find her family even though both would be a frightening experience. And the last part about not knowing who to trust, again, there was no mention of any danger except that flowers were disappearing. I wish you the best of luck with your pitch and story! :)
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't read it BUT that's only because I prefer to read YA novels, especially edgy YA novels.
ReplyDeleteLove the theme idea (especially since I'm a photographer). :D
Thanks everyone, I do need to work out how to put some urgency in. Great feedback.
ReplyDeleteBrooke - thank you for the smooches :)
ReplyDeleteLaura - thank you for the awards! My cup runneth over this week :)
Jenny, Brooke, Jess, Clar, Kim, Ms. Saba, and Stina - thank you all for your very helpful comments for Catherine :)
I would! I'm always up for a mystery and this sounds like something my daughter would want to read.
ReplyDeleteThis pitch certainly draws me in. I think that Jess's suggestion of rewording is worth taking up. I'd also like to see a bit more tension earlier on in the pitch but it's a definite yes from me :-)
ReplyDeleteI'd say maybe, only because I normally don't read any fantasy MGs. But one that addresses a vanishing species of plants? Now that very firmly caught my attention and would persuade me to start reading those all-important first few pages. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm a Maybe, and I second Ms Saba :)
ReplyDeleteHi Susanna. Just to let you know I have completed your first photo challenge on the theme 'Confusion'. It's suitable for children 0-12 years. I hope you like it! :)
ReplyDeleteYou'll find it here at:-
http://debbie-johansson.com/
I'd say Maybe. I agree with other people who said it needs more tension. "Getting distracted" isn't compelling enough for me, even though I like the sound of the disappearing flowers.
ReplyDeleteThis has some interesting elements to it, the flowers and fairies both draw you in. I do agree with someone who said in an earlier post that they got a little confused with the second sentence. I had to read it several times too. Also, a little more detail would draw me in even more.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a fan of the fae, so my opinion of whether I'd read it is a bit bias. :)
ReplyDeleteI will say the pitch confused me. It wasn't until I read through the comments that I understood what was going on.
The way it's worded makes it seem like Annabel has a habit of being distracted by flowers and fairies. For some reason, she also cannot find her family in the woods. So I'm wondering, how did she come to be without her family? Next I'm wondering if there's a typo because of the disappearing flowers, since I was under the impression her family is missing and not the flowers, since they're distracting Annabel.
If I go by what the commentators are saying, I believe you meant something like. While taking a walk in the woods with her family, Annabel becomes distracted by flowers and fairies. When she looks up, her family is no where to be found, and the flowers which once attracted her attention are gone.
The last sentence, throws me a little. Other than fairies and flowers, who's in the woods with Annabel? From the tone, I got the impression she was alone (except for the fairies). Are the fairies the ones Annabel is unsure of?
Over all, I think the story could appeal to those into the fantasy (fae) genre. However, the pitch could use a bit of clarity.
Annabel has no idea how close her family really are or who to trust. Grammar is off in this sentence. Family is singular, so IS instead of ARE.
Reena - thanks for your very thoughtful and helpful comments. I'm sure Catherine will be appreciative.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Reena and all the others. I threw this pitch together so I'm grateful for all the attention it's getting. I haven't even finished the first draft yet.
ReplyDeleteIn case you are interested. A man distracts her dad in the car park and while Annabelle is crouched down looking at flowers they set off without her. There are lots of magical creatures in the woods, but the mystery man is the one to watch about the disappearing flowers.
Until I reached your comment I was thinking of a new word for distracts;it as intrigues and I put it here:- "the mystery of the disappearing flowers intrigues her even more." Your comment makes me even more curious. I always loved the idea of fairies and the poem called Fairies that starts,
ReplyDelete"Up the airy mountain
Down the rushy glen,
We daren't go a-hunting,
For fear of little men;
Wee folk, good folk,
Trooping all together;
Green jacket, red cap,
And white owl's feather."
It was written by William Allingham years ago!
Your story seems to have an element of concern (rather than fear) and that's why I thought intrigue would encourage a reader to buy it.
Jane - thanks for your comment. I like "intrigues" too. I'll be sure to mention to Catherine to come back and see what you had to say.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jane, that's a grear idea. She is more curious than scared throughout. Nice poem, I hadn't heard that before. I don't think my story is MG anymore but I'm still hoping it will pass as a short story. Thanks again!
ReplyDelete